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  1. #1
    Sri Hanuman's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Submission Grappling Tactics Agains a Superior Opponent

    Now, my comrades, I thought of posting this in the advanced techniques forum, but then thought better of it. Just in case.

    So today 2 new guys show up to sub-grappling class. Since the class is held at a local dojang, most of the walk-ins are current TKD students. These 2 teenage Korean guys are brothers, I believe... not sure. After going through some new techniques and recapping some basics, we move on to randori, where I get to square off against one of the new guys.

    First Korean guy is pretty fit, clearly trains every day, and is doing pretty well for his first time. Cheerful and friendly type. We go through a few takedowns, arm bars, kimuras, and side mounts. It's light rolling, and the new guy is getting the hang of it pretty quickly. 10 minutes are up, we switch partners.

    I get through the 10 minute match with my coach, then his assistant without getting too roughed up, since they are still kind enough to take it easy on my fat ass. Then, I get to Korean twin from hell.

    The kid must be about 18. Tells me he weight lifts almost daily, and I see him at the dojang training almost every time I come in. Sure enough, first thing he does, is lock in with his Korean iron death grip, and I suddenly realize why Kim Jong Il spent his childhood in Siberia.

    I manage to survive his manhandling in part thanks to loosening up and turning my wrists out of most of his kung fu grips. Being drenched in sweat really helps. The kid is packing serious copper wire beneath that skin, and I'm starting to feel it. We go to the ground and despite my frantic flailing I manage to get top mount.

    We are down 2 min, and I'm sweating balls. The kid is wearing his uniform, and is using his elbow to rub against my forehead which really hurts. I'm not sure if this is an honest mistake, or if he is doing it on purpose, so I just clench my eyes shut and keep trying to maintain top mount, waiting for an opening of any sort.

    The opening never comes due in part to my piss poor skills, and the kid using his freakishly disproportionate strength to escape any grips I get on his copper paws of doom. Some 6 minutes down, and I start noticing that whenever my scalp gets too close to his face, he loosens his grip and attempts to elbow me down, further rubbing the growing rash on my forehead.

    Then it hits me!!! That's my secret strategy. For you see, my comrades, I hath in my infinite wisdom shaved my head a day earlier in an attempt to celebrate my hero Bas Ruten, and was left with a most honorable scull stubble. Similarly I had a 5 o'clock shadow forming on my rugged communist man chin.

    I shall use these gifts of nature to overcome this dreaded teenage Korean war machine. And so I start rubbing my scalp against his chin. Clearly the kid gets uncomfortable and his monster paws slip downward to protect himself. Like Uranium enriched Bunker Buster, I slip my sweat drenched head past his palms into his shoulder, and right to the side of his face.

    Being sweaty and stubbly, I rub my chin in his eyes, trying to get as much man hair and sweat in as I humanly can. This loosens his grip, and causes him to try to leg hook me (which doesn't work. To my credit I train my legs almost daily in Standing Post and horse stance. Between that, squatting, and deadlifts, I managed to build up a decent wall of muscle which allows me to escape most such attempts.)

    Finally my 10 minutes are up, and I stand up, badly chafed, but no worse off than my Korean nemesis, face as red as my rubbed-raw forehead. He shall not soon forget the wrath of man hair and chin stubble.

    Lesson learned:

    Shaving > weight lifting.

    Take this lesson to heart, my droogs. I your most humble servant hope you learn from this deeply painful experience. Now I am off to nurse my wounds, and reflect deeply upon today's events.

    Coming up next month:

    An in-depth study on defeating your opponents using the stubble from your arm-pits. More to come.

    With love,
    -your most humble Russian Monkey
    Last edited by Sri Hanuman; 3/29/2010 9:58pm at .
    =================
    Kama Sutra blue belt.

    Quote Originally Posted by Emevas View Post
    I used to **** guys like you in prison.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rock Ape View Post
    Dude I kill people for a fucking living.

    Dipshit

  2. #2

    Join Date
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    If the stubble on your chin was annoying, then a real manly beard would be even superior.

    So... then... White Kimbo has t3h r34l ant1grappl3z?

  3. #3
    Holy Moment's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    A guy I wrestled a few years back had deliberately shaved his hair down to stubble to use as a weapon. He scratched up my face pretty good. When I wrestled him a second time a few months later, he tried gouging my eyes while I was pinning him and I told him to go **** himself.

    I'm surprised we both didn't get disqualified for that one, actually.

  4. #4
    ZenOfAnger's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by thaclient View Post
    If the stubble on your chin was annoying, then a real manly beard would be even superior.

    So... then... White Kimbo has t3h r34l ant1grappl3z?

    It's like I have been telling everybody, the secret lies in, "teh joo beard".
    Let your anger be like a monkey trapped inside a pinata; waiting inside, hoping that the children don't break through with the stick.

    -Master Tang (Kung Pow! Enter the Fist)

    A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice.
    Bill Cosby

    The believer is happy, the doubter wise.
    Greek proverb

    Quote Originally Posted by Nicko1 View Post
    Martial Talk is not neutral, it's just neutered.

  5. #5
    100xobm's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Sri Hanuman View Post
    Being sweaty and stubbly, I rub my chin in his eyes, trying to get as much man hair and sweat in as I humanly can.
    You are my favourite bald molester

    +1

  6. #6
    Fasten your seat belts, and prepare for lift off
    DKJr's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I dig my boney forhead into peoples ribs to assist in neutralizing kimura attempts from guard. Boney+Stubble= win

  7. #7
    battlefields's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I know this weaponry method because I can't get within 30cms of my missus without her whinging that my face is "scratcheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee" in her best whiny voice while pushing me away. I can literally shave every which way and within seconds of wiping the shaving cream off I will be sandpaper face again. Thanks genes!!!

    And no, it is not a method of keeping me away from trying to sex her. Well... not the only one.

  8. #8
    Sri Hanuman's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by David Koresh Jr. View Post
    Boney+Stubble= win
    I shall attempt your boneubble technique against evil Korean war machine next time, after armpit stubble.

    Coming in April, on Communist Myth Busters.
    =================
    Kama Sutra blue belt.

    Quote Originally Posted by Emevas View Post
    I used to **** guys like you in prison.
    Quote Originally Posted by Rock Ape View Post
    Dude I kill people for a fucking living.

    Dipshit

  9. #9
    Nwp's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    In HS (wrestling) I had already passed most of my peers in the stubble zone and it worked well to ward off the fruits who tried to nuzzle up on me as I turned them over towards defeat!

    Quality Evil Russian 1
    Sub Par Evil Korean Teener 0 !

  10. #10
    jnp's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Nwp View Post
    In HS (wrestling) I had already passed most of my peers in the stubble zone and it worked well to ward off the fruits who tried to nuzzle up on me as I turned them over towards defeat!
    Uh, is there something you need to tell me?

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