Best martial art for zombie apocalypse?

**Styygens** · Posted On: 5/16/2011 9:28pm

Originally Posted by proteinshakez

Obviously i'm trolling, this is a thread about a damn ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE lol, kinda hard to NOT troll in here :)

Then the trick, my new friend, is to do it with more art and finesse.

And I assure you: the inevitable zombie apocalypse is no joking matter. The hosts of Coast to Coast AM told me so, therefore it must be true.

I'm with those who believe you need to rethink your choice of heavy cutting tools. How about a nice Cold Steel Gladius machete?

All the benefits of the machete as Max Brooks recommends, in the proven design of a compact Roman short sword. Plus, it's so lightweight, you can practically swing it all day long like you're Conan the friggin' Barbarian

Just don't fight zombies naked. There were be enough horrible things to see without that too.

**proteinshakez** · Posted On: 5/16/2011 9:50pm

Originally Posted by Bad Apple

This is prolly the smartest one yet. Surviving the necropocalypse will depend largely on mobility. Not firepower, not fortification but mostly running away like a little girl. Striking and grappling a zombie is just begging for fluid transfer opportunities. Even smashing skulls in with a bat is risky if you're not wearing a full body condom.

Swords ? I'd rather have a crowbar any day. That "sword" you bought off QVC is just an oversized decorative knife. The metallurgy is all wrong and even if you got a "for realz" sword you still can't use it to pry open a door.

i had this sword made personally broham, i guarantee it could cut YOU in half, no issues with a squishy zombie lol. Take your crowbar, you can smash their heads, i can lob them off, only difference is i'm gonna look like a boss while i do it.

**wetware** · Posted On: 5/16/2011 10:43pm

Originally Posted by proteinshakez

in order of your responses:
3. The one i have is around 20 pounds give or take, i can handle it pretty well and have swung it around for 10-15 minutes straight at times. I was dead tired sure, but that's why if i was actually concerned with Z day i'd start training with it ALL the time and have it be nothing by that point :) I have death grip hands believe me, plus zombies are squishy, the impact wouldn't hurt me that much.

Ya know... medieval warriors' largest combat swords were flamberges and landsknecht zweihanders and those rarely got over 10 pounds. Seeing how those guys swung those around as their job perhaps you should learn from them. Just saying.

Originally Posted by proteinshakez

i had this sword made personally broham, i guarantee it could cut YOU in half, no issues with a squishy zombie lol. Take your crowbar, you can smash their heads, i can lob them off, only difference is i'm gonna look like a boss while i do it.

If you could catch him with it while you tried to actually attack someone with that anchor you call a sword.

Of course, I also now have to demand pictures of the alleged fanboy 'buster sword' and video of you wielding it.

**proteinshakez** · Posted On: 5/16/2011 11:38pm

Originally Posted by wetware

Ya know... medieval warriors' largest combat swords were flamberges and landsknecht zweihanders and those rarely got over 10 pounds. Seeing how those guys swung those around as their job perhaps you should learn from them. Just saying.

If you could catch him with it while you tried to actually attack someone with that anchor you call a sword.

Of course, I also now have to demand pictures of the alleged fanboy 'buster sword' and video of you wielding it.

1. I have studied that a bit, between that awesomeness, soul caliber, and FF7, why in the world would someone NOT want to handle one of those beauties?

2. I'll see what i can do, inbetween my having sex with celebrities and making 200 dollars every half hour with my cocaine fueled personal training sessions, i'll see if i can fit in a video session to appease you in this completely reality based thread pertaining to ZOMBIES.

Not to mention i said THEM, not HIM in that post.

**doofaloofa** · Posted On: 5/17/2011 2:58pm

[QUOTE=Bad Apple;2548369]This is prolly the smartest one yet. Surviving the necropocalypse will depend largely on mobility. Not firepower, not fortification but mostly running away like a little girl. Striking and grappling a zombie is just begging for fluid transfer opportunities. Even smashing skulls in with a bat is risky if you're not wearing a full body condom.

youve seen the movies
eventually the weak link falls asleep on watch and the next thing you know everybody is fighting for thier lives

**Permalost** · Posted On: 5/17/2011 4:10pm

Originally Posted by Styygens

I'm with those who believe you need to rethink your choice of heavy cutting tools. How about a nice Cold Steel Gladius machete?

The gladius is a great weapon design, but since thrusting isn't really a great option against the undead, a chopping/cutting design seems better, like a kukhri or kopis or yataghan.

Also, I think that Cold Steel should make their own version of the OSS Smatchet already.

**Styygens** · Posted On: 5/17/2011 4:37pm

Originally Posted by Permalost

The gladius is a great weapon design, but since thrusting isn't really a great option against the undead, a chopping/cutting design seems better, like a kukhri or kopis or yataghan.

Also, I think that Cold Steel should make their own version of the OSS Smatchet already.

These things chop just fine. Plus, the point is pretty damn long on this. You can easily reach the brain with an upward stab or through the eye socket.

Of course, they do have plenty of kukri designs:

How about the katana machete?

There are times when I think Cold Steel's whole raison d'etre is to arm us for the inevitable zombie apocalypse.

**Hexe** · Posted On: 5/17/2011 5:25pm

2 handed kukri machete - motherfuck where have I been?. Machetes are cheap, available in quantity and do the job - just ask any Rwandan. But how come no ones mentioned the Scythe, I mean off at the knees. A stumpy Zombie is a slow Zombie, just mind the gore-slick flooring - another reason to avoid holding up in a Mall. And of course massive Kudos amongst the survivor community, you just know you'll go by the moniker "the reaper" and for effect you could dress like Johhny Cash.

**wetware** · Posted On: 5/17/2011 6:27pm

Originally Posted by Hexe

2 handed kukri machete - motherfuck where have I been?. Machetes are cheap, available in quantity and do the job - just ask any Rwandan. But how come no ones mentioned the Scythe, I mean off at the knees. A stumpy Zombie is a slow Zombie, just mind the gore-slick flooring - another reason to avoid holding up in a Mall. And of course massive Kudos amongst the survivor community, you just know you'll go by the moniker "the reaper" and for effect you could dress like Johhny Cash.

Because with the fall of society lawnmowers become much less common. Every "Stumpy" you make is that much sneakier in the tall grass.