Ohio Bullies. A friend needs help dealing with a stalker.

**Wounded Ronin** · Posted On: 10/26/2009 9:22pm

Restraining orders are generally not good for anything but provoking the stalker to violence, and the three times thing is what we call "due process". Kind of like how someone must intentionally expose others to tuberculosis three times before we can get a court order to put an ankle braclet on said person.

My big suggestion is actually for your friend to read "The Gift of Fear" by Gavin DeBecker. He basically explains how stalkers work. Essentially the best thing to do is ignore them. If you reject or humilate them (i.e. by getting a restraining order slapped on them in court) they are more likely to go nuts and blow the event out of proprtion in their mind. It's best to ignore them and let them carry on their fantasy lives inside their own heads.

If you're going to go with firearms you need a shotgun as your main weapon but then you need a handgun for backup. How about a Kimber TLE2? You want .45 ACP or something similarly traumatic so that getting shot actually hurts. 10mm JHP could be the true way of the Jedi.

**Cy Q. Faunce** · Posted On: 10/26/2009 9:25pm

Originally Posted by Wounded Ronin

Restraining orders are generally not good for anything but provoking the stalker to violence, and the three times thing is what we call "due process".

Unless, of course, there's a restraining order in place. In that case, the person is straightforwardly in violation of the law, and is arrested forthwith. That is part of its usefulness.

**Wounded Ronin** · Posted On: 10/26/2009 9:28pm

Originally Posted by Cy Q. Faunce

Unless, of course, there's a restraining order in place. In that case, the person is straightforwardly in violation of the law, and is arrested forthwith. That is part of its usefulness.

Sure, but you've got the immediate problem of the humilated stalker who has not yet been arrested but who is present following the issuing of the restraining order with murder on his mind.

**Cy Q. Faunce** · Posted On: 10/26/2009 9:39pm

Originally Posted by Wounded Ronin

Sure, but you've got the immediate problem of the humilated stalker who has not yet been arrested but who is present following the issuing of the restraining order with murder on his mind.

Or scared into cutting it the hell out. I've seen it work both ways.

Until we know more about the stalker, I'd say you're speculating in a vacuum.

**Sikaranista** · Posted On: 10/27/2009 1:14am

Most states require a person to complete NRA training before applying for a CCW. Even if she decides not to pursue a CCW, she may be able to find a skilled instructor that has a collection of handguns for her to try, or there might be a firing range in the area where she can rent different guns to try with the guidance of an instructor. I think her best bet would be to contact the Ohio Rifle and Pistol Association, which is the Ohio branch of the NRA. http://www.orpa.net

AWARE (Arming Women Against Rape And Endangerment) is located in the Boston area, which presumably puts their classes out of reach, but they have some good material on their website. It may be worth contacting them to see if they can recommend a similar organization in Ohio. http://www.aware.org

Other suggestions...

Report him to the abuse department of the appropriate service provider. If he's stalking her through (say) Facebook and AIM and she has (say) Time Warner for internet access, then report him to those companies. She may not see immediate results, but it may help with the due process.

Contact the service provider for her phone(s) and ask them how perform a Malicious Call Trace. Activate the trace if she gets a harassing, hangup, or Caller ID Blocked call. She will not be able to see the information but the phone company will have it recorded, which may also help with the due process.

**BadUglyMagic** · Posted On: 10/27/2009 8:58am

What about the local FBI office? From the OP it seems that the stalker is in another state and has used telephone and internet resources to contact or follow her.

**Sri Hanuman** · Posted On: 10/27/2009 9:05am

Actually, we may all be unclear on that. Is the stalker actually in the same state, or is he stalking via phone/internet?

**crawford** · Posted On: 10/27/2009 10:54am

Originally Posted by Humanzee

Actually, we may all be unclear on that. Is the stalker actually in the same state, or is he stalking via phone/internet?

Actually, if using the internet, it might not matter that the two are in the same state. Did a federal case once where both the Defendant and the Victim were in Florida. Communication was through Yahoo!, Yahoo! on the stand testified the signal went through California. Across state lines? Federal.

**JingMerchant!** · Posted On: 10/27/2009 11:48am

Well, he was part of the same online community that she was. He started IM'ing her, she told him to **** off. Then, somehow he got her number and told her he was in Ohio and was coming to see her.

Latest update is, the police have got this guys name and he's known to them, so anything else is pretty much moot.
Thanks for all the input fellas!

**Sri Hanuman** · Posted On: 10/27/2009 11:54am

Latest update is, the police have got this guys name and he's known to them, so anything else is pretty much moot.
Thanks for all the input fellas!

Do you mean "known" as in now aware of his actions, or "known" as in previous offenses?

Originally Posted by JingMerchant!

Well, he was part of the same online community that she was. He started IM'ing her, she told him to **** off. Then, somehow he got her number and told her he was in Ohio and was coming to see her.

He can come to a throwdown...