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Thread: Machete Defense

  1. #11
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    Quote Originally Posted by Carpe Noctem View Post
    Sprint like a ************. Shoot them if you absolutely can't. Above all, don't be in places where **** like that happens.
    No can do. I mean, motherfuckers have to get a taxi every now and again, right. Motherfuckers also have to go to the market and ****.
    Quote Originally Posted by Goju - joe
    being a dick with skill is only marginally better than being a dick without skill.

  2. #12

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    Quote Originally Posted by maofas View Post

    Edit: serious answer, grab a chair

    Or anything in your vicinity that could be used as some sort of weapon....

  3. #13
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Question View Post
    No can do. I mean, motherfuckers have to get a taxi every now and again, right. Motherfuckers also have to go to the market and ****.
    Well ****, just stay out of the fuckin' machete aisle. And guns fit in taxis better than machetes.

  4. #14

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    I am a Mexican so I often hear stories about uncles and friends of uncles defending themselves from machete attacks with their trusty blanket. Cataloged here by a Loteria (Mexican Bingo)Card.
    [

    http://b5.ac-images.myspacecdn.com/0...02642095_m.jpg

    El Valiente (The Brave One) Is about to enter a Machete/Sickle fight with some other drunken jackass. And he has his blanket, I am told he will either wrap the blanket around his forearm to use as a shieldy thing or to "catch" the other machete with it(huh?).

    I would also like to add I have a machete next to my bed. Any thief breaking into my house would have a good chance if he:
    1. shoots me
    2. runs away
    3. wraps a blanket around his forearm
    Last edited by The_Beak; 10/14/2009 10:24pm at .

  5. #15

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    actually...

    being vietnamese, i've actually heard stories about the wrapping a blanket around your arm thing too.

  6. #16
    Merry Christmas! shitter's full... supporting member

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  7. #17
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Question View Post
    Does anyone have any advice concerning machete defense?
    Leave the Caribbean.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by The Question View Post
    Sounds nice, but contrary to popular belief, you can't just walk around with that ****.

    Besides, that black, metallic colour would clash with all my outfits.
    In Australia owning one means you are either on the Feds database, or about to be incarcerated, or a combination.

    Those tee ball bats that are designed for the aspiring young baseballer, around 90cm long, go with any outfit. The aluminium ones shine when you wear black.

    Funny story, when I was young and dumb I had one of those bats sitting next to me between the drivers side door and my seat that I had written "your face" and "your name" all over it so if I got in an altercation I could get out, brandish it and say, "This has got your face and your name written all over it".
    I used to roll with some heavy dudes, both figuratively and literally. One night I had downed a whole heap of bourbons at a pub with these boys and my car was full. Anyway, I got pulled over by cops and I was thinking, "this is it, drink driving charge and if they search the car, drugs and weapon charges as well".
    The boys were nervous (there was a pound of weed in the boot that they had not even attempted to hide) and so they gee'd me up telling me to get out and talk to the cops. So I opened the door and went to get out.
    The cop drew his pistol and shouted, "Stay in the vehicle!" while shining his torch in my eyes.
    I complied and closed the door. By this time the engine had begun to make a clunking noise and when the cop asked his next question I mind blanked hard, as I had forgotten all about my incriminatingly inscripted baseball bat.
    "Whats the bat for mate?"
    I turned to my mates and pretended I didn't hear him, "Can you guys hear that clunking?" I tried to sound concerned, "That **** sounds really bad, can you hear it?"
    "I asked you a question, whats the bat for?"
    Fortunately my brain fart cleared and I said, "My mate plays baseball, I'm taking it to him tomorrow."
    He seemed to take my word for it, fortunately.
    My car was completely stock standard, but his partner had been checking my wheels and the rest of the car, as it turned out he was checking for defects. The boys I was carting were so fucking fat that the car looked like it had been lowered.
    They didn't even breathalyse me. Close fucking call.

  9. #19

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    YouTube - Two WORST Martial Arts Techniques Ever!

    Baseball bat defence applies to machetes too, right?

  10. #20

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    Quote Originally Posted by vashanka View Post
    YouTube - Two WORST Martial Arts Techniques Ever!

    Baseball bat defence applies to machetes too, right?

    The only difference is you must use both forearms when blocking the machete strike....

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