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Thread: Machete Defense

  1. #1
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    Machete Defense

    See, you don't want the *chop, chop* when it's on, because once ninjas get the *chop, chop* then they gone. You know I will *chop, chop* in a war, I might even send the *chop, chop* through your car.

    I forgot to post this when I heard about it and ****. Some ************ went apeshit on taxi driver with a machete. Luckily the lass was dull and nothing came off the ninja who was getting wailed on.

    Does anyone have any advice concerning machete defense?
    For some perverse reason, this fills me with lulz.

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  2. #2
    battlefields's Avatar
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    Yeah, AK 47.

  3. #3
    hapkido_keith's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by battlefields View Post
    Yeah, AK 47.
    Thread over.

  4. #4
    The Question's Avatar
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    Sounds nice, but contrary to popular belief, you can't just walk around with that ****.

    Besides, that black, metallic colour would clash with all my outfits.
    Quote Originally Posted by Goju - joe
    being a dick with skill is only marginally better than being a dick without skill.

  5. #5

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I would probably run like hell is what I would do.

  6. #6
    Carpe Noctem's Avatar
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    Sprint like a ************. Shoot them if you absolutely can't. Above all, don't be in places where **** like that happens.

  7. #7
    jkdbuck76's Avatar
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    7 posts in an nobody has posted that youtube clip from Raiders of the Lost Ark.
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  8. #8
    Mr. Machette's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Breakfast Fox View Post
    I would probably run like hell is what I would do.
    This..

    Butt:

    If you have to engage, you must close the distance as they chamber for the swing. You MUST close that distance before the swing comes out. The only safe place is so close into them that they cannot bring the blade on you with any force. I.E., grapling, but the timming is how you get in. Can;t do it when the blad is out, must rush into where they are holding while they prepare for the strike. (Much like defending against a baseball bat, but you'll probably still get cuts even in close. Just not as bad as catching that beast at the apex of it's swing.)

    Grapple and disarm, then chop the **** out of them if your empty handed.

    Break their hand end everything behind it if you have a stick. (still have to step as deep into their swing as you can to do this. not fun!)

    Step in and cut their freaking throat before they swing if you have a knife. Grapple their weapon arm while they bleed out.

    Shoot them if you have a gun.

    There's hand destruction you can do, but it's more complicated that I can tell you here, and that puts you in range of the most dangerous, and fastest moving part of the blade. Not something I'd recommend, or even try to instruct you in without being able to show you a practical demonstration.

    I actually have a good friend I train with who disarmed a machete when he was in South America. But the guy with the knife was drunk, and on a bus, so both his range of motion, and coordination were impaired.

    honestly, that guy would have been at more of an advantage had he stayed in the car. He ran out of fear of being cut, but he only got cut worse once he was outside. In the car, the aggressor didn't have enough spaced to swing for power. Out side, and he suddenly could haul off with everything he had. NO DICE!!!!! In the car he would have gotten cut up, but not as bad, and he would have hd a chance to get control of the wepon, or slam the machete guy in a car door, or dirve off or what have you. Jumping out the window straight sealed his fate though.

    This is bad stuff. I hope you never have to protect yourself in the given situation. But you now have some theory to train with if you do.

    In fact, these principles are useful for all large, heavy, telegraphed weapons like that. Bat, Machete, Bo Stick. All that stuff that has to be pull back for a good swing, and is heavy enough to slow down the strike just a little.

    Close that range buddy! Most of those big weapons are more hindrance than advantage with someone is wrestling you for control. And they all suck in crampped spaces. You can still jab with them, but those big destructive swings become a weakness and not an advantage when things like walls are in the way of doing them.
    Last edited by Mr. Machette; 10/14/2009 9:29pm at .

  9. #9
    maofas's Avatar
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    Just for the record, when I was teaching, a coworker had to call security when a naked-except-for-a-baseball-cap student was running through the hallways with a machete (no he didn't hurt anyone). The running joke was, "Why didn't you tell him to take his hat off while in school?"

    Edit: serious answer, grab a chair

    Edit: less serious answer, study Systema, then disarm them with your baseball cap

  10. #10

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Just take into account that the attacker isnt sporting a foot long machete.....

    YouTube - Wing Chun way knife defence


    Ahh....God love the Chun.....

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