Teachers: things students say that make us want too........

**Nefron** · Posted On: 10/01/2009 9:00pm

Originally Posted by Omega the Merciless

I'm going to show you how to do this:
I can't do that.

Yesterday I showed up at the kids class to do bagwork.The class was full of little kids who just signed up and my instructor was teaching them to do a front roll.One girl (about 3-4 years of age) says:

"My mom says I can't do that.I broke my neck sometime ago"

WTF?You sign up your kid that can't do a fucking front roll for a JJ class that invoves breakfalls and other people throwing you and landing on top of you?

**searcher66071** · Posted On: 10/01/2009 9:58pm

The one that I hate the most is, after having worked ona technique for all of 5 minutes, I get this: "We are done, what is next?"

my response: "you have it down perfect in 5 minutes?"

student: "yes"

me: "show me"

then they procede to screw it up royally. I tell them what they need to fix and go on to help another student, when 5 minutes later I hear: "Sensei Jon, we are done, what is next?"

I then procede to centemplate sepuku.

Or the good ole' "My dad was in the __________ and he knows how to kill people, but he can't show me as it is too deadly."

Or "My (insert family member) is a black belt and they have a school here in town" My response: "why aren't you training with them?" student:" The stuff they teach is Teh D3adly."

**Dsimon3387** · Posted On: 10/01/2009 10:19pm

As coincidence would have it, I made fried chicken and decided to get some frozen tots and veggies for the kids... and what do I see? But an eight year old or so walking around with a black belt on.... That one slays me. :qmickey:

I teach my kid and his friends and his friend is a black belt in Take your doe... same shite it slays me. :qmickey:

I think of what guys like me and Pug had to do for a black belt

**Purpleskunk** · Posted On: 10/01/2009 11:01pm

^ where exactly in chinatown do you teach?

**Dr. Sleepless** · Posted On: 10/01/2009 11:26pm

Originally Posted by Dsimon3387

This is an equal opportunities bitch fest so feel free if you help instruct in any capacity to join in. I will start:

a) "I want learn this stuff to get physically fit, defend myself, and for the spiritual side of martial arts."

comment: Lovely pat response please feel free to check your list to see if you may have missed one. How about an honest response as to why YOU as an INDIVIDUAL want to learn martial arts? I won't judge you if you want to kick ass.

b) "Wow you are over an hour away from me" (after they call you of course).

comment: aww poor baby! I used to sleep in the bus station in Philadelphia because the last bus left for Baltimore and Sensei ran over a few minutes (you didn't leave early...) and I used to drive back to San Francisco from Dublin so tired I would have to dip Skoal and stick a blade in my leg to stay awake..... You have it so tough.

c) I have a (an)_________________ who studies______________ he can ___________ and he once__________________.

comment: and I have an uncle in Canarsie who ate Raisin Bran in a wife beater while me and dad waited for him so we could visit Grandma.

d) "I don't know if I can make class because____________________

comment: Yes you do... you can't make class. And you know what? our relationship is such that I cannot really help you if you cannot make class as much as I may like you.

I have never refused a student because they cannot pay.. so if it comes out that a student cannot afford class they train no questions asked. If they need a meal they can eat with the family, bus fare? or if I can a lift home? so believe me if they cannot come to class it is in my opinion a choice.

e) "So today I will show you a triple roundhouse backflip to use against a knife weilding opponent." Student then says "ok!"

comment: Guys, please be sceptical. You do not know enough about this stuff to trust me. Common sense is imperative. Ask to see it... have I ever injured you for asking if something is effective and trying to do it in real time?

Ok last one and one I deal with a lot because two of my classes have guys who have been studying for an average of ten years or so.

I get students with a plethora of horrible habits and idiocycracies that god knows where they came from... I am somehow supposed to deconstruct these faux pas and teach these people how to move properly....sometimes it is like impossible!!

Having said all that I love and never judge my students. Its just that sometimes..... I feel like Hercules having to clean the stables of King Herod!!! As in what is the next impossible task you wish to lay before me?

Yours aren't so much funny as they come off like you're a douche. A patronizing ****** douche.

Originally Posted by 1point2

"Can you do the 5-point-palm exploding heart technique?" (not me, but I was there) (7-year-old asking)

What irks me the most is when students start demoing a move on the instructor out of nowhere. God, that annoys me.

What did they say when you were improperly teaching them judo?

**Dsimon3387** · Posted On: 10/01/2009 11:54pm

Originally Posted by Purpleskunk

^ where exactly in chinatown do you teach?

Me presumably?

Assumong so...

On Clay there is an alley between stockton and powell, the acupuncture shop "Doc Andy's" place. There are two studio rooms downstairs from him one is a Yoga room and the other is a martial arts room, I teach on Monday at 630 ish and I come on privately to work with some of my guys... do you know the area?

**Dsimon3387** · Posted On: 10/01/2009 11:57pm

Originally Posted by Sirc

Yours aren't so much funny as they come off like you're a douche. A patronizing ****** douche.

What did they say when you were improperly teaching them judo?

Gosh and all this time I thought there was no other kind of douche... if I was not a patronizing ****** douche what other kind would I be?

Anyhow bitch sessions make the bitcher sound such thats why I gave forwarning... Truth is I go to the ends of the earth for my guys and I make it an ethical categorical imperative (look up your ethics book its the one with the most dust on in in your house!) never absolutely never to judge my students... I am there to help them and work with the art.

**Purpleskunk** · Posted On: 10/02/2009 3:27am

yeah, chinatown, but i just google mapped that alley, but wtf? do you teach some triad dragon tattoo gangstas?

**Dsimon3387** · Posted On: 10/02/2009 3:55am

Originally Posted by Purpleskunk

yeah, chinatown, but i just google mapped that alley, but wtf? do you teach some triad dragon tattoo gangstas?

What are you asking me? You can see the area on Google maps, that building at the tip of the alley is the chiropracter's place, our place, across from the chinese historical association...and? If Your in the city come by and say hello on Mondays... its actually a fun place to hang out before class, I am usually there about 645 ish if you come early just be very polite and say you wanted to say hi to Darrell.