9/28/2009 10:41pm, #1
10 things I hate about law enforcement and military shows.
Ask my wife and she will tell you, I can get out of control when I am watching any television show or movie about the military or law enforcement. The constant, recurring mistakes and misinformation that these industries put out just get in my craw and I have to yell “BULLSHIT!!” It makes me wonder, don’t these shows have advisers? If they do, what the hell are they getting paid for? Or is it that the directors think that they have better knowledge on these topics? The following are at the top of my WTF?!?! list:
1. Give me that before you hurt yourself:Cops and soldiers are constantly shown “racking” their weapons. I mean come on! I carry with a round in the chamber all the time. If I had to constantly rack my weapon every time I drew it there would be brass flying everywhere and my co-workers would think I lost my mind. I know that directors love the “click clack” of weapons being cycled but use your goddamn head! SWAT teams don’t stack up on a door and THEN load their weapons. FBI agents don’t have to charge their pistols after they draw them and they definitely don’t have to do it two more times in the same incident! Racking your shotgun just before you kick down a door is fucking STUPID!! Going into an apartment after a serial killer, knocking on the door, hearing him run out the back and THEN racking your pistol and giving chase…FUCKING STUPID!!!
2. Oh what the hell why not?:Every Tom, Dick and Harry stacking up with the SWAT team... I think not. If my blood pressure went up one mmHg every time I saw some “CSI”, “FBI Investigator” or “Detective” stacking up with the tactical team to go in and get the bad guy my head would F’n explode!
News Flash. If I saw some “CSI” getting in my stack on a high risk entry he would get a boot up his ass. No SWAT team leader worth is salt is going say…”OK you FBI Profiler with no tactical training I am aware of, or experience with MY team, go right ahead and get in the stack.”
The only thing that gets me more pissed off is when the SWAT team rams the door and Horatio Crane in his shades is the first guy through the door! Hello numbnuts director, the way it works is the SWAT team goes in ALONE!! and when its secure they call the eggheads and Detectives in.
3. Uniformed Cops as props:Every Detective/Profiler/CSI show or movie out there has uniformed cops as “background”. They walk aimlessly here there and everywhere with clipboards or magically appear to conveniently slap the cuffs on the bad guy that the dweeb from the “crime lab” ran down in a raging gunfight…please.
Or its the “dumbass uniform” who screws up the investigation that the star detective has to deal with.
Then…like in #2, when some “hot call” goes out I don’t know why TV cops bother to even show up. You know its the hot detective from the crime lab that is going to go in first and fight mano y mano with the serial killer. Where the hell the uniform cops went nobody knows, they just show up to haul off the bad guy to the station. They must have stopped in the kitchen for some coffee while the hero did all the work.
4. Hello I’m with the Gvt and I’m here to help:CSI and Criminal Minds…you always hear “were just here to help with your investigation, not take it over…” yet somehow its always some profiler that takes over the investigation and gets involved in the shooting or the apprehension. I know it wouldn’t be exciting if the agents sat in the office all day and the local cops were the ones making the arrests, but that’s how it is. By and large FBI agents are investigators, accountants, lawyers and lab techs.
And these CSI teams..it always impresses me how CSI works local, county, state, federal and hell even international cases. Who the hell do these guys work for anyways?
5. Kill em and Leave em:The “profilers” arrive like the cavalry…light up some scumbag and then hop back on their jet and fly off into the sunset. Yeah when an on-duty shooting happens that’s pretty much how it goes..no investigations, lawsuits or court appearances necessary. If you are “with the crime lab” or a “profiler” you can just holster up and walk away.
6. Nuclear Grenades: Some Delta Operator tosses a fragmentation grenade into a window and the whole floor erupts into a raging inferno of a fireball like a suitcase nuke just went off….uhhhhh…no. A loud BOOM! a puff of smoke and a lot of little bits of metal flying about is about it.
7. Crappy Salutes: Need I elaborate? Some of these actors salutes would make a Drill Sergeant break out in hives.
8. Weird Science:No we don’t have computer databases of every matchbook from every club in the tri-state area. No we cant piece a broken bottle together and get a fingerprint off of it. Let alone one that comes back instantly to a known felon (that gets picked up in 20 seconds). NO DNA TESTING IS NOT A “WHILE YOU WAIT” PROCESS!
These shows have gotten so out of hand with their “stretching” of real forensic science that juries have been clearing criminals of their charges because the proof wasn’t “as conclusive as they see on CSI”. Prosecutors even have a name for this phenomenon. “The CSI effect”.
9. Tuck that thing in: Military movies where everybody is walking around with their “dog tags” outside their shirts. Or dress uniforms with improper ribbons or improper wear of a uniform. Come on guys there are books on this stuff. Read one! Then there are the hot women detectives in clothes so tight I can count the change in their pockets. Not that there are no attractive women in law enforcement, but if one of my subordinates came in with her cleavage and belly button showing she would be going home for a wardrobe change. Unless she's working a prostitution sting.
10. Cover me I’m going in:Nobody ever waits for back-up, sets up a perimeter or gets on the radio. It sucks to share the glory with some dumbass “uniform”. I’ll just go down into that basement with the serial killer in the “woman suit”, only pussy’s would back out and call for back-up.
:nobodycar I know, I know, its just entertainment, but it pisses me off…
9/28/2009 10:58pm, #2
- Join Date
- Jul 2006
- New England
You mean you can't shoot a gun out of the bad guy's hand? ;)
9/28/2009 11:15pm, #3
Law and order, SVU aka "the sex police".
In New York City, on the basis of this show you do not need a warrant to conduct a search of a house or apartment. While there is an exigent circumstances exception to the 4th amendment, every single search for evidence or a person, apparently falls into this category.
Law and Order
The prosecutor gets to give monologues before asking his question two minutes later. Defense counsel does not object, and guilty defendant or shifty witness never asks "what exactly were you asking?" To watch it done properly see a tape of Roy Black in action on court TV.
9/28/2009 11:15pm, #4
i forget the title of the book, but i used to have a paperback about the fbi crime lab. very interesting stuff to nerds, nothing very glamorous though. stories about forensic guys crawling on the ground looking for a fleck of paint, or spending days trying to get a measurable amount of glass out of a bowling ball thrown through a window.
tv is stupid
9/28/2009 11:57pm, #5
9/29/2009 12:05am, #6
9/29/2009 1:02am, #7No we cant piece a broken bottle together and get a fingerprint off of it.
God that's so much more practical than my old method of waiting until winter when I could stab them with an icicle.
9/29/2009 1:40am, #8
My world just shattered. Can they track you using satellite imagery?
9/29/2009 3:07pm, #9
I actually prefer my LE/military shows to have some inaccuracies, as long as there aren't too many. If they made shows that were realistic, they would likely be incredibly boring.
Edit: Look at burn notice. That show survives on deus ex machina, but still manages to show a small amount of realistic stuff, and is really entertaining.
Last edited by Cassius; 9/29/2009 3:12pm at ."No. Listen to me because I know what I'm talking about here." -- Hannibal
9/29/2009 3:16pm, #10
"Creative License" to give a good story is one thing, needless crap like loading your weapon at the subjects door is just plain silly.