Thread: Phrost's Military Documents
8/28/2009 1:35pm, #31
That's a certificate of live birth!!! Stop trying to pull the wool over our eyes, Fletcher!Captain's Log: Just a little update for all my TRUE and HONEST friends out there:
1) I am STRAIGHT! I am STRAIGHT! Get it through your thick skulls, numbskulls!
2) My name is not Ian Brandon Something.
3) Kacey is coming with me now. I have stolen her from the other Christian Weston Chandler.
REMINDER: I am still the one and only true creator of sonichu and rosechu electric hedgehog pokemon
8/28/2009 1:44pm, #32
Uhh, you haven't by any chance seen my blog have you. The one entitled "Home of the World's Most Dangerous Nerd"?
Really, if this is an investigation into my geekdom then I should post how I just beat Civilization on the hardest setting last night and my Xbox Live gamertag. (You'll never guess what that is.)
Is the implication here that geeks can't fight? You know who the two geekiest people on the staff are, don't you? (Hint: I'm not one of them.)
8/28/2009 1:49pm, #33
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
8/28/2009 1:57pm, #34
- Join Date
- May 2007
8/28/2009 2:03pm, #35
8/28/2009 2:09pm, #36
8/28/2009 2:11pm, #37
Phrost NEEDS TO BE INVESTIGATED!!!
I have secret proof that IS NOT BALD!!
I REPEAT PHROST IS NOT BALD!!!!
He shaves his head to LOOK BALD but in truth has a thick thatch of downy blond hair like a cherub
8/28/2009 2:11pm, #38
Actually, I think this process is quite healthy. It establishes that you are, in fact, a no bs guy. And from that, it infers that the website's raison d'etre has credibility. No one can say that ar549 is a plant, lobbing you softball questions.
And in the end, you look credible, and he looks small.
You should let the process go. The truth has this way of really pissing off those who make stuff up.Originally Posted by pauli
Originally Posted by melvin_peebles
8/28/2009 2:11pm, #39
- Join Date
- Sep 2005
Kinda fits the spirit of the thread then
8/28/2009 2:13pm, #40
I was in the Army for 7 years. In those 7 years I had the opportunity to get my hands on and train with various weapon systems and would do so because I was in the Army and they were awesome.
When I was stationed in Panama we got to shoot live rounds out of our M-203's off of boats into the canal. We'd break out the MK-19 every now and then and *thump* *thump* *thump* the thing down range, which was extremely fun. My Platoon SGT even tried to dual wield M-60's like Rambo and found it hard despite being 6'2ish and 230lbs.
I once threw apples out of a blackhawk at houses (huts) in the middle of nowhere in Central America, because I was a little shithead. As a PFC I got my ass chewed out for calling an off color running cadence during company PT about going into a church and mowing everyone down with an Uzi.
I tried to convince the OIC of our OPFOR team to let us tie the commander of the Puerto Rican National Guard unit onto the hood of our HMMWV after we successfully "invaded" their outpost using my plan of sending a team up the front entrance pretending to be unaffiliated with the exercise. I got to wear cut-off BDU shorts and a boonie cap on that mission, and the cuna grass and mosquitos ate me the **** up but I had a blast.
In AIT, for some reason our company commander had us do a full on D-Day style beach assault in which my 145lb ass volunteered to carry the M-60 for the duration of the exercise. Why a POL platoon had to do an amphibious assuault didn't occur to me because I was too busy enjoying the **** out of myself. Later in that exercise some people in the platoon fucked up something and we all got smoked with rifle PT. Fifteen or so minutes into it my arms gave out and the 60 came crashing straight down on my kevlar (helmet).
I spent 5 days sleeping in the back of a cargo hummer with no change of clothes or even a shaving kit, in the high country of Panama, freezing my ass off.
I was a member of the obstacle course competition team for "Green Hell" on Ft. Davis (I think it was Davis, not the one on the other side of the canal), but mostly since I was light and a portion of the course you had to carry one of the men on a litter while running in waist-deep, corral-infested ocean, around a freaking island. The course also featured a huge (30'?) rope net you had to climb, slippery with sea spray and with jagged corral at the bottom to cushion you should you fall.
I got SCUBA certified by a salty old, retired SF guy and then co-opted two of my buddies to swim out into the ocean to Drake Island because supposedly there was pirate treasure buried there. All we got were lacerations and bruises as the waves beat you into the rocky sides of the crab-infested island. I put a camera into a plastic bag and swam it one-armed and somewhere I think I've got a pic or two from that (but most likely they didn't survive all the subsequent moves.)
While tasked out on a humanitarian mission to provide fuel to support the South Carolina National Guard who were building a school in a poor area of the interior, the two guys there from the SF battalion (some reserve SF unit... I don't remember, 20 SFG or something), we got tired of their stupid **** and "invaded" our own base with MRE bombs and firecrackers at 5AM on the day they were set to leave. I've never seen fat old men run around so fast half-dressed, nor would I ever want to repeat the experience.
I scored 200 (max) on my promotion board, in part, because I started a rumor that the battalion's Sergeant Major only gave out 200's to females.
I once got hit in the head by a Chinook.
I rode a horse through an open air cantina on the beach while on a chaplain-organized company event.
For one field exercise, most of my battalion got "deployed" to Key West.
Thinking back, if I had actually been at run-of-the mill duty stations doing run-of-the-mill 77F ****, I probably would have reclassed the minute I had an opportunity.
But I didn't, because everything was just fucking awesome. So blow me. My life rules.