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  1. LThornton is offline

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    Posted On:
    8/10/2009 12:19pm


     Style: JJJ/TSD/MT/BJJ/TLA

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by DerAuslander108 View Post
    Three stars stars.

    It would have had four stars if they hadn't killed Cover Girl.

    It would have had 5 stars if Jinx had been in more than just a cameo roll.

    It would have been 6 stars if we were treated to a "Letters to Penthouse" style scene with Baroness being interrogated by Scarlet, Cover Girl, & Jinx.

    Also, Quick Kick > Snake Eyes.
    Time to get you a job in Hollywood, son.
  2. Styygens is offline
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    Posted On:
    8/10/2009 5:30pm


     Style: BBT/BJJ/CJKD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by lockfield View Post
    no tentacle monsters and pubic hair needles please.:drunken_s
    ... Until right about now... end of Win.
  3. Styygens is offline
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    Posted On:
    8/10/2009 5:31pm


     Style: BBT/BJJ/CJKD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by theword View Post
    G.I. Joe was terrible. If 'Aliens' is an A+ action movie (and it most definitely is) then 'G.I. Joe' falls somewhere in the realm of those Steven Seagal straight to dvd actioners where he was trying to be urban. I'm not the type of person who believes that action films need to be as well made or paced as something like 'On the Waterfront' but it's nice not to feel like the filmmakers are just a cynical bunch of money grubbing assholes who consider us all to be a bunch of dumb yokels willing to shovel whatever **** they put in front of us into our collective feedbag.

    We've all seen 'Aliens' or 'Predator', 'the Last Boy Scout', 'Die Hard (1-3)'...**** G.I. Joe. **** them in their non-anatomically correct swivel hips.
    For Pete's sake: Shut up and eat your Awesome!
  4. Styygens is offline
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    Posted On:
    8/10/2009 5:36pm


     Style: BBT/BJJ/CJKD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by DerAuslander108 View Post
    Three stars stars.

    It would have had four stars if they hadn't killed Cover Girl.

    It would have had 5 stars if Jinx had been in more than just a cameo roll.

    It would have been 6 stars if we were treated to a "Letters to Penthouse" style scene with Baroness being interrogated by Scarlet, Cover Girl, & Jinx.

    Also, Quick Kick > Snake Eyes.
    What? Quick Kick is better than Snake Eyes?

    Hold on a second...

    [Sounds of rummaging around in the basement.]

    Let me just blow the dust off this old, musty file card.

    "He is a ranking black belt in Tae Kwon Do, Go Ju Ryu, Southern Praying Mantis Kung-Fu, Tai Chi Sword, Zen Sword [!], and Wing-Chun."

    Oh, yeah. He sounds like a real winner by Bullshido standards.

    Plus: the dude runs around in bare feet! How's he suppossed to deal with broken glass, AIDS needles, and lava in bare feet? Huh?

    Now... Tell me more about this idea of yours... Scarlett, Cover Girl, and Jinx are "interrogating" Baroness?

    That's way better than tentacles...
  5. theword is offline

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    Posted On:
    8/10/2009 10:08pm


     Style: boxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by DerAuslander108 View Post
    **** you, you pompous arrogant excuse for a cockholster. What were you expecting? Black Hawk Down? It's motherfucking G.I. Joe!!!

    It's cynical shitmuffins like you that prove that there is something fundamentally wrong with America. What's the matter? Did Uncle Jerry violate your manpleaser far too many times, and so now you are traumatized and can only seek entertainment that's full of existentential angst & meaning? Fucking keep jerking off to Sartre as you sit in the middle of Starbucks trying to compose the proper haiku to relate how full of self-contrived ennui you are.

    GIJoe wasn't the problem.

    You're the problem.

    Shitrat.

    Cynical? Me? So let me get this straight, a movie that is designed to sell toys by appealing to the lowest common denominator isn't cynical? Are you fucking kidding me? In case you can't follow that logic here goes:

    1) The producers of G.I. Joe and movies like Transformers have merch to sell.

    2) They crap together some pretense of a plot, throw a hot chick in leather and know that retards will more or less force themselves to like it out of some misguided childhood nostalgia.

    3) They sell some **** to some kids, come out with a new line of toys, next year we get another C- movie with more glass breaking, more explosions and more mouth breathers cheering every time Sienna Miller walks by (who was very hot by the way).

    Plus, did you even fucking read my post? I didn't want it to be 'On the Waterfront', I just didn't want it to be so fucking stupid that I was bored for the two fucking hours that it ran.

    Do you even know what a good action movie is? Can you name one? Seriously, compare 'G.I. Joe' to something like 'Die Hard' and ask yourself if you still consider 'Joe' a good movie.

    After that, if you still 'G.I. Joe' is awesome I hope you feel ashamed, sad, and ultimately hollow because it is for people like you that 'Street Fighter: the Legend of Chun Li' gets the green light, it's people like you who support in both ticket sales and word of mouth dumb fucking projects like 'Transformers (I & II)'. There are so many good actioners out there, in fact tons of them, with tons of explosions, and tons of hot chicks, and tons of gunfire...and oh yeah, sometimes, just sometimes decent acting and plots.

    In conclusion: **** you, I hope your mother gets fisted by a gang of homeless retards dressed in clown make-up.
  6. Tom .C is offline

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    Posted On:
    8/11/2009 10:20am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Aikido,Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by theword View Post
    Cynical? Me? So let me get this straight, a movie that is designed to sell toys by appealing to the lowest common denominator isn't cynical? Are you fucking kidding me? In case you can't follow that logic here goes:

    1) The producers of G.I. Joe and movies like Transformers have merch to sell.

    2) They crap together some pretense of a plot, throw a hot chick in leather and know that retards will more or less force themselves to like it out of some misguided childhood nostalgia.

    3) They sell some **** to some kids, come out with a new line of toys, next year we get another C- movie with more glass breaking, more explosions and more mouth breathers cheering every time Sienna Miller walks by (who was very hot by the way).

    Plus, did you even fucking read my post? I didn't want it to be 'On the Waterfront', I just didn't want it to be so fucking stupid that I was bored for the two fucking hours that it ran.

    Do you even know what a good action movie is? Can you name one? Seriously, compare 'G.I. Joe' to something like 'Die Hard' and ask yourself if you still consider 'Joe' a good movie.

    After that, if you still 'G.I. Joe' is awesome I hope you feel ashamed, sad, and ultimately hollow because it is for people like you that 'Street Fighter: the Legend of Chun Li' gets the green light, it's people like you who support in both ticket sales and word of mouth dumb fucking projects like 'Transformers (I & II)'. There are so many good actioners out there, in fact tons of them, with tons of explosions, and tons of hot chicks, and tons of gunfire...and oh yeah, sometimes, just sometimes decent acting and plots.

    In conclusion: **** you, I hope your mother gets fisted by a gang of homeless retards dressed in clown make-up.
    Where you the one guy in the world that thought "Sideways" was the comedy hit of the year?
  7. DerAuslander is offline
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    Valiant Monk of Booze & War

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    Posted On:
    8/11/2009 11:53am

    supporting memberstaff
     Style: BJJ/C-JKD/KAAALIII!!!!!!!

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by theword View Post
    1) The producers of G.I. Joe and movies like Transformers have merch to sell.
    You mean....like they did with the original cartoons?

    Quote Originally Posted by theword View Post
    Do you even know what a good action movie is? Can you name one? Seriously, compare 'G.I. Joe' to something like 'Die Hard' and ask yourself if you still consider 'Joe' a good movie.
    You're comparing GIJoe to Die Hard?!?

    Like I said...

    YOU'RE THE FUCKING PROBLEM, COCKSHEATH!

    GIJoe was not ever meant to be in the same realm as Die Hard. GIJoe was a cheesy morning cartoon. DIE HARD WAS A MOVIE FOR ADULTS. GIJoe is an action movie for kids...NOT RATED R.

    Shut the **** up, you arrogant sandtwat.

    Quote Originally Posted by theword View Post
    After that, if you still 'G.I. Joe' is awesome I hope you feel ashamed, sad, and ultimately hollow because it is for people like you that 'Street Fighter: the Legend of Chun Li' gets the green light
    I hope anything with Kristin Kreuk gets greenlit.

    Quote Originally Posted by theword View Post
    , it's people like you who support in both ticket sales and word of mouth dumb fucking projects like 'Transformers (I & II)'. There are so many good actioners out there, in fact tons of them, with tons of explosions, and tons of hot chicks, and tons of gunfire...and oh yeah, sometimes, just sometimes decent acting and plots.
    You wanted what from Transformers?!?

    IT WAS A CARTOON ABOUT GIANT ROBOTS THAT TRANSFORMED & BLEW **** UP.

    Not fucking Hemingway.

    1) Were there giant robots?

    Check.

    2) Did said giant robots transform?

    Check.

    3) Did said giant robots transform & blow **** up?

    Check.

    4) Megan Fox?

    CHECK.CHECK.

    Quote Originally Posted by theword View Post
    In conclusion: **** you, I hope your mother gets fisted by a gang of homeless retards dressed in clown make-up.
    What was that?

    I'm sorry.

    I couldn't hear you over the sound of my awesome.
  8. Styygens is offline
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    Posted On:
    8/11/2009 6:42pm


     Style: BBT/BJJ/CJKD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by DerAuslander108 View Post


    What was that?

    I'm sorry.

    I couldn't hear you over the sound of my awesome.
    I can't hear you either... Someone is playing the clarinets way too loud in here.

    The Ballad of GI Joe

    And there's way worse movies out there than GI Joe:

    Worst Movie Scenes Ever!

    "You know... I'm really wired..." Smooth.
    Last edited by Styygens; 8/11/2009 6:45pm at . Reason: Broken link
  9. theword is offline

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    Posted On:
    8/12/2009 12:30am


     Style: boxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by DerAuslander108 View Post
    You mean....like they did with the original cartoons?
    I'm not really sure what your point here is. I said that to make a movie with the sole intention of moving merch is cynical...at which point you mention something about the cartoon being a grab for cash. Thanks?

    Also take into consideration the low standard that the producers hold the audience in. They think you're a fucking idiot that will smile and clap your hands just because something has exploded, or a hot chick walked by. Seriously, that is practically the definition of cynical movie making.

    Quote Originally Posted by DerAuslander108 View Post
    You're comparing GIJoe to Die Hard?!?

    Like I said...

    YOU'RE THE FUCKING PROBLEM, COCKSHEATH!

    GIJoe was not ever meant to be in the same realm as Die Hard. GIJoe was a cheesy morning cartoon. DIE HARD WAS A MOVIE FOR ADULTS. GIJoe is an action movie for kids...NOT RATED R.

    Shut the **** up, you arrogant sandtwat.
    Yup, I'm comparing the two. They are both action movies. They are both shot on film. They both feature violence, guns, explosions, a mostly white cast, black comic relief characters. They also both heavily rely on a fairly simple story structure that has a couple of twists. Oh, yeah, except one is well made, paced, shot, acted and edited. And the other is an abortion with pretty bad special effects.

    While it's true that G.I. Joe is pg-13 and Die Hard is R, I'm fairly certain that was mostly because of very little sexual content and pretty tame language. It certainly had as a high a body count as Die Hard.


    Quote Originally Posted by DerAuslander108 View Post
    I hope anything with Kristin Kreuk gets greenlit.
    Have you seen 'Street Fighter: the Legend of Chun Li'? Because it's boring and painful.



    Quote Originally Posted by DerAuslander108 View Post
    You wanted what from Transformers?!?

    IT WAS A CARTOON ABOUT GIANT ROBOTS THAT TRANSFORMED & BLEW **** UP.

    Not fucking Hemingway.

    1) Were there giant robots?

    Check.

    2) Did said giant robots transform?

    Check.

    3) Did said giant robots transform & blow **** up?

    Check.

    4) Megan Fox?

    CHECK.CHECK.

    ...So just because something fulfills it's title means that it's good? By that logic 'My Little Pony' is kick ass because it does indeed feature small horses. **** that, there are much better movies about robots and war. You just happen to like Transformers because...I guess because you like boring movies.

    Also, let's be honest. Transformers wasn't a cartoon about robots that transformed and blew **** up, it was a toy about robots that transformed and blew **** up. Then it became a cartoon because that was basically a 22 minute commercial to move said toys that turned into robots that blew **** up. And **** all that, because as far as movies go, Transformers is terrible. Big robots = big fucking deal if the story to go along with it isn't at least passable. They don't have to be 'Chinatown', but they also don't have to feel as though the plot was assembled by a nine year old who was getting beaten over the head with a ball peen hammer.


    Quote Originally Posted by DerAuslander108 View Post

    What was that?

    I'm sorry.

    I couldn't hear you over the sound of my awesome.
    zing.
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