The Quote Graveyard

**The Wastrel** · Posted On: 1/27/2004 1:12am

Boyd:

DRD, did it ever occur to you that it would probably be MORE honorable for someone to NOT accept your request for a challange? I mean, just imagine how awkward the conversation would be...

Poster:

DRD is a total fag!!!

DRD:

A fag, am I? By George, I do believe your boorish manner has caused me to drop my monocle into my top hat which is full of tea for some reason! My living-quarters can be found at the following address. Let us resolve our differences with fisticuffs! I anticipate a reply within the fortnight.

Poster:

Okay.

Later that week...Doorbell:

*ding dong!*

DRD:

Good heavens, what sort of villianous rogue would trouble my sleep at this hour? Jeffrey, fetch me my gallavanting-stick so that I may beat his hide all shades of black and blue!

Poster (in boxing stance, throwing some air punches):

Ya ready?!

DRD (putting on opera glasses):

Who may I ask are you, kind sir?

Poster:

That guy you gave your address to. You know, I called you a fag and you were all like "Let's fight!", only you said it like you came from the turn of the century, which is really weird considering you're less than sixty yet act like some hilarious caricature of a parent you'd find in a Twisted Sister video.

DRD:

I'm sorry sir, but you must understand that the location of my living-quarters are distributed freely amongst all rubes that raise my ire. For instance, a local negro became rather uppity with me at the sub-way, and I was forced to give him my address so that we may duel at sunset.

Poster:

Well, I'm ______

DRD:

Oh.

Poster:

So...are we actually gonna fight? I mean, I spent several hundred dollars on airfare and had to request a week off work just to come down here.

DRD:

No...no we shan't.

**deus ex machina** · Posted On: 1/27/2004 1:14am

Lotta good one liners in this thread.

http://www.bullshido.net/forums/show...&threadid=4949

Including this gem:

Originally posted by Boyd
Okay, I got it.

It's the ol' "bottle rocket" strategy. According to my (flimsy at best) scientific know-how, all that pressure being exerted on the right side of his body could actually benefit the man on the bottom. You see, the rolls of fat draped over his sides create pressure not only from on top, BUT ALSO THE SIDES. This makes it excedingly easy for the bottom man to just scoot his hips out. Why is he not doing this, then, if the answer is so patently obvious? Simple. The "bottle rocket" principle is a highly dangerous one; if he scoots out too aggressively his body may go shooting out like a champaign cork and go flying into the audience, sans right arm, leaving a gingerbread man-shaped hole in the wall. If I were him, I'd just play it safe and radio in an air raid.

**The Wastrel** · Posted On: 1/27/2004 1:24am

Boyd, during the Bullshido Popularity Contest:

Poster Who, If This Message Board Were High School, Would Be the Fat Girl Sitting By Herself At Lunch, Sampling Various Types Of Flavored Lipstick In An Attempt To Surpress her Appetite: Kungfoolss

**The Wastrel** · Posted On: 1/27/2004 10:01am

Fisting Kittens on Djimbe:

I think this guy was bio-engineered by a team of Japanese scientists specifically for the purpose of being annoying as ****. Djimbe's posts are hard to read and they hurt my head from having to roll my eyes at least twice per line.

**Mr. Mantis** · Posted On: 1/27/2004 11:08am

How about this exchange:

Originally posted by Boyd
However, good Count Chocula, the onus remains on you to explain how you intend to gouge out the eyes of someone shooting in on your legs.

Originally posted by manchuria
with little jimmy?

**The Wastrel** · Posted On: 1/27/2004 4:07pm

Boyd to Amp:

-------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Amp
I would think that if our school systems did a better job acknowledging the lives, histories, and contributions of black americans we wouldn't need a black history month.
----------------------------------------------------------------------

No! **** you Amp! Almost my entire career in the public school system has been spent reading stories about viscious white slave owners and poor Mexican migrant workers being exploited by viscious white bosses and Indians who got exploited by the viscious white sailor. Every goddamn classroom has at least one poster where a bunch of Eskimos hug a wheelchair-bound Asian with the words "CELEBRATE DIVERSITY!" in big rainbow-colored letters. We have a power point constantly playing on every TV in the school showing the accomplishments of multi-racial people. THE LAST THING PUBLIC SCHOOLS NEED IS MORE MOTHERFUCKING POLITICAL CORRECTNESS.

**The Wastrel** · Posted On: 1/27/2004 4:10pm

Boyd, Answering the Question, "What is the Worst Martial Art?"

1. Capoeira. About a year ago I went on a little mini-jihad against Capoeira, which consisted of me sending my friends links to Capoeira videos and saying "Look at how crazy this is!!!" and my friends going "FOR CHRIST'S SAKE ENOUGH OF THE CAPOEIRA". Like I said, it was a mini-jihad. In any case, Capoeira is out and out the worst martial art out there, making TKD look legit. I mean, at least TKD has a rudimentary idea of how fights work and contains things such as, oh, I don't know, PUNCHES. Capoeira is TKD ran trough a crazy blender.

2. Tai Chi. I'm hearing a lot of people say that a thousand years ago in a cave in China a Tai Chi master once successfully used sticky hands to knock down a handicapped child, thus cultivating "sensitivity". I don't know what exactly "sensitivity" means, but I don't think they know either, since the only argument I keep hearing for Tai Chi is "One time a guy used Tai Chi in a fight and won". That's super. I'm also sure that at one point in time a man KO'ed his opponent with a well-timed smurfing. I guess that means smurfing is a legitimate martial art now.

3. Tae Kwon Do. My first memory of karate class is a vivid one. Two other new people had joined that day, one a tweleve-year-old ballerina, the other a TKD black belt in his early 20's. When sensei was giving his short opening speech to us about Isshin-Ryu's history and principles, the kid would frequently butt in and correct him. I think he asked to be assistant teacher within the first fifteen minutes. People, I am not exaggerating when I say that THIS was the proverbial "brash and impulsive fool" who you keep hearing about in Zen tales.
Anyway, eventually we reached the end of the night and sensei was demonstrating the application to moves from kata. He called the TKD black belt up and told him to throw a punch. he did. A very slow punch. From about ten feet away. That he hung in mid-air. What happened next was, I think, the exact moment I fell in love with karate. Sensei old him to throw a real punch. It took him a few tries, but the TKD kid finally did it--and was blocked, deflected, grabbed, and completely tied up with one hand. Sensei then went into a brief lecture about the dangers of point-sparring, why no one is going to punch you from ten feet away and hop back, and why your black belt is absolutely worthless once the **** hits the fan.

**kismasher** · Posted On: 1/27/2004 4:15pm

sometimes boyd's posts make me think of what Fes from That 70's Show would be like if he was really pissed

btw, Fes is an acronym for foreign exchange student--betch didn't know that.

**Dochter** · Posted On: 1/27/2004 5:20pm

you owe me $5000 dollars

and i disagree.

**Leodom** · Posted On: 1/27/2004 7:46pm

With apologies in advance to Sharlintier. She deleted the original post but someone else had already quoted it.

quote:
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Originally posted by Sharlintier
I was freezing, no denying it... and let me tell you it's not good for latex... the warmth shooting into me made that more than obvious.....

From the "weirdest place you ever did it" thread. Chock full of quote material rated PG-13 and higher.