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  1. #1

    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    18,608
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    I just got attacked by some dojo grapplers...

    I just got attacked by some dojo grapplers...

    I was minding my own business, just meditating in the dojo, when all of a sudden I was able to discern an alteration in the energies of the room. I quickly returned my mind to my body and redirected my perceptual energies. I sensed four distinct entities emitting noises that resembled muffled laughter and farm animal noises. I opened my eyes and focused on them. They promptly stopped making noises and stared belligerently at me in my steady lotus position. One raised his chin in disgust at me. I think he was the leader of this wrongdoing alliance; he had this black belt around his patched and decorated white gi. He spat at my direction while glaring at me. I ascended to a standing natural position and requested of him the cause of his display of disrespect. He called me a “wimpasaurus world-championship wiener-eating weasel.” I was appalled! I politely requested that he retracted such an ignoble unsubstantiated alliterative statement or else I would tell his mommy. The look on his stubble-dusted face and anger in his negative-karma eyes publicized his astonishment and I will never forget it.

    That’s when I decided to make my move; I fought them all bravely and was in my centre, not driven by emotions. I remembered to keep my dantien low. Only once did it rise, when I was in the position known as “rear mount.” I rushed and double legged the leader then spun around and executed a beautiful back fist onto the temple of another one as I stepped out in a box pattern to prevent them from surrounding me. I knocked one down with a jumping spinning back kick, grabbed the last one and forced him face first onto the ground and gained rear mount. At this moment I am shamed, I allowed my dantien to rise past horizontal. I decided to incapacitate him with multiple poison palms to the back of his head. Their leader had gotten to his feet by now and I faced him. His spittle-covered mouth conveyed the message to me that he was in a state of anger. He ripped off his thick gi top in one powerful motion and flexed all his muscles. I could see the words “ICECOLDKILLA” tattooed on his bulging right bicep. He screamed and charged me. Out of the corner of my eye I could see one other of his cronies struggling to his feet so I knew I had to end this quickly. As he shot-in I firmly grasped his wrist and stepped out of line and torqued his wrist hard. He went flying heels over head and landed hard on his back. The audible escape of air from his lungs told me he would not be getting up any time soon. I felt myself grabbed from behind and did a back sprawl immediately. The last one had tried to tackle me from behind but I was able to defend and compress him as I kicked my feet forward. I let some of my chi escaped and he tapped out. The ref pulled him out of the way and raised my hand as winner!!!

    I was overjoyed! I gazed skyward as the shiny gold and silver confetti rained down! I was so happy! I hugged my trainers and kissed the hot ring girls! I grabbed the mike and thanked my fans, my family for supporting me, my trainers, the brothers back home in the gym and God! I happily received my belt. They tied it nice and tight around my waist and I was ecstatic in my rapture! I still had the mike and told my promoters that I want to move on to bigger and better things. I gave an open challenge to all the other fighters, warning them I was moving up and would not be stopped. Then Bob Sapp tried to enter the ring, but I used my remaining chi to blast him the f*ck out!


    Edit: Damn formating doesn't carry over well.....

    http://www.bullshido.net/modules.php...owcontent&id=6
    Last edited by PizDoff; 5/05/2004 8:45am at .
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  2. #2

    Join Date
    Dec 2003
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    351
    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    ...whoah, alot of effort and time into that one... too much, but entertaining none the less

  3. #3

    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Canada
    Posts
    477
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    The best piece of non-fiction in a long time!
    Punches in bunches and kicks kicks kicks!

  4. #4
    patfromlogan's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2002
    Location
    Hilo Island of Hawaii
    Posts
    8,885
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    OK! Where the hell are the pictures????? I want ring girl pictures!
    "Preparing mentally, the most important thing is, if you aren't doing it for the love of it, then don't do it." - Benny Urquidez

  5. #5

    Join Date
    Jun 2003
    Posts
    1,075
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Strangler!!!


    Originally posted by Black_Rose
    ...whoah, alot of effort and time into that one... too much, but entertaining none the less
    yea too long...

  6. #6
    Mostly, I just sit here. Mostly. hall of famestaff
    Stick's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2003
    Location
    Washington DC. USA
    Posts
    7,949
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    What exactly was the point of that?

    I could swear this wasn't a short stories forum.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    Toronto
    Posts
    18,608
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    BlackBeltNow - What the flipping **** do you mean by saying "Strangler!!!"

    Dai-Tenshi - Have we exported any satire over to Japan recently?
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  8. #8

    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Posts
    5,529
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I'm lost...

  9. #9
    shironinja's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2003
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Posts
    1,114
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    The USA has exports besides mad cows?
    Now or never.

  10. #10
    Moleculo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2002
    Location
    ORYGUN
    Posts
    8,215
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Oh, you stylists.

    That kind of nonsense would get you killed on the street.

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