Obtaining a "will to kill"
(To those who think this post is too long to read, the second and third paragraphs are the only important ones)
My initial reason for getting into martial-arts was that I was getting picked on. Since TKD was the only thing available to my 9-year-old (and quite runty) self, I took it up. However, TKD sucks against bullies, since kicking screams "I have been taking martial-arts and now I am using it to injure other kids on the playground", so I went on being punked (I know now that I was, and still am, socially-awkward, so it wasn't just a bad environment. Tolerance for bullying as long as no one was seriously hurt at my school didn't help much though.). The only thing that kept me in it was natural ability (for me, TKD was akin to piano lessons). Since TKD, I have delved into other martial-arts for short periods of time (the longest being two years of wrestling, everything else has been under three months), however, I do not consider myself a martial-artist since I am not a fighter at heart (I am normally uncomfortable with the idea of hurting myself or others, and I usually get very miserable after two weeks of training in anything).
Fast-forward to now... I have developed enough socially so that I am not as big of a target for harrassment, but it still happens from time to time since I am a naturally introverted person (and socially awkward). I happened to take something last Monday that tends to **** up seratonin levels for a couple days, and today I went from being depressed in the morning to being in a complete rage by the time the school day was over. Coincidentally, I had my lifting class by that time, and I was not only lifting way harder, I seemed to be physically stronger as well (I probably shouldn't be considering today's beaten records as real indication of improvement). However, I was also more than a bit aggressive in nature at the time, and I almost started a few fights with guys much bigger and stronger than me. This is the thing though... because I had the will to kill these people if it came down to it (I know this is bad, but whatever), I was able to give a certain look that made them back down. I want to be able to give this look anytime, but the state of mind I was in would most likely get me in trouble down the road if it became a normality.
So... what I want to know is how I can efficiently get in a rage by force of will so that I can give this look any time I need to (I don't think it will work unless I can get some real intent behind it). The reason I am asking this on a martial-arts forum, even though I don't consider myself a martial-artist is that the only times I have ever heard of someone being able to project a killing intent is in the context of someone being a martial-artist or having gone through some serious **** in Vietnam.
If you don't believe in the existence of a killing stare, feel free to get the **** out of this thread. After having done it myself, I know it fucking exists, and I want to be able to use it whenever I need to avoid getting fucked with.
I also don't care if considering this as a substitute for actual martial-arts training makes me a LARPer, I became involved with martial-arts for the wrong reasons. I know now that being able to kill someone doesn't really solve anything, but being able to do this will help me keep my mind off of fighting altogether, which is what I really need.
You can find my original thread about this here:
I need to know how to RAGE - No BS Martial Arts
Last edited by lt_flippy; 3/25/2009 8:32pm at .
Drugs are bad, M'kay. Seriously, if you're taking something that messes up your serotonin levels and makes you hyper-aggressive, stop taking that. That said, learning how to give a look that says, "If you're feeling froggy, jump." is only learned from experience. The downside is, people sometimes call your bluff. Then you'd better be prepared to jump. I find it much easier to limit the use of that tactic to as few situations as possible.
Humor. Humor is your best bet. You're young, and may not realize the truth of my advice. Hopefully, experience and wisdom will help you see it.
eh, I used to do that stuff (hyper aggressive, I will kill you look) freshman year in high school. It was about the only time in school (before I started lifting) that people didn't mess with me. The thing was, I wasn't pretending to be an angry not giving a **** kind of guy, I was just angry and didn't give a **** about the consequences.
Thing is, people who stay with that mindset usually end up in prison, dead, or continue to isolate themselves and be loners. Like Muerteds said, humor is a much better route to go most of the time.
Lol the OP is a prime example of your average bullshido poster. Introverted angst ridden teenager who thinks martial arts will help his social life.
To the OP, reality check buddy.
You are not a killer.
1. Get some friends.
2. Get a psych session or a bully help session to work through your issues.
3. Quit whatever bullshit martial arts have been giving you stupid ideas about will to kill and killing stare (oh lawd).
4. Stop taking drugs and putting **** into your body.
You will never have to rage and you will never have to have the presence to scare the living **** out of people around you.
You will grow up to be a timid Network admin who entertains his fellow timid IT professionals with tales of martial arts awesomeness. You will marry a timid woman and have timid sex. You will spawn timid children who, unlike you, trained in judo since age 5 and will grow up to be well adjusted individuals who actively trained in a decent martial art and can kick 7 shades of ass.
Moral of the story. Do judo and stop thinking/posting about bullshit.
The thing is... even though it is my senior year in high-school, I still get people messing with me on the basis that I am pretty small and have no one to back me up. The people that mess with me are the exact types to back down since they are cowards in the first place.
Also, I am not trying to develop a constant rage, I am trying to figure out how to reproduce it in an efficient manner and be able to utilize it to intimidate my way out of fights. I have tried bluffing before, but it seems to be a lot more effective when I am actually willing to kill someone, it seems like I can project murder with my eyes.
If I can fully control myself during an adrenaline rush, I am pretty sure I can control emotion. The reason this all happened wasn't just because I took a drug either... I used to have clinical-depression, and have developed apathy as a coping mechanism since then, and I simply wasn't prepared for a chemical imbalance to happen (so I ended up not only regressing, but getting to a point that was worse than where I was before). At least that is my theory...
Your in high school. Once you get out you'll never have to deal with that stupid crap again. Just enjoy yourself and when you get out take the time to be more outgoing and social with people.
Trust me, you'll feel a lot better
If you live in SoCal, I am more than willing to take you on at the next throwdown, NHB, (gi or no-gi, your choice).
Originally Posted by Ace of Clubs
Your theory sucks.
Originally Posted by lt_flippy
Read your post out loud to yourself so you can hear the level of stupid you're projecting over teh internetz.
Did you notice how you nearly started a few fights with fellas much bigger than you? They may have backed down, but I wouldn't have.
Originally Posted by lt_flippy
My point is that your 'killer stare' looks like a joke to people who will take you on, it looks paper thin to me, and anyone else who scraps (and I'm not a violent guy at all).
It will happen. And when someone calls your bluff, they will be confident in their stuff. More confident than you are.
So to avoid a ruckus, be smart. Don't be an asshole with rage issues. Here's some logic for you.
-Nice guys make lots of friends.
-Assholes make few friends.
When you're in a scrap, your mates are who'll back you up. If you're an angry guy, no one will like you.
-Numbers win fights
rule #1: Be a nice guy, not an angry guy
-Killer stares may put people off, however I propose that these people wouldn't have actually started swinging anyway.
-The people that will hit you, don't care about your squinty face, because they know what they are capable of.
rule #2: The killer stare is ineffective, except for cooling situations which could have been resolved with words
Instead of this 'killer stare' (which will cease to work after the first time you get smashed over), do these things to prevent confrontation
- Don't be confrontational (Strange, I know), be the funny guy. You get the respect, the friends, the girls.
- Learn how to fight, this will mean you know what you're doing. You'll be relaxed becasue you know what you've got to fall back on. This = Real Confidence. When you train a lot, you feel far less inclined to pick fights.
And bro, honestly, I did drugs and nearly fried my brain. My serotonin levels are shot to ****. Just don't.
I'm not much older than you, man. I finished highschool 5 years ago. I know how it is. I've been through what you've been through, and it gets you nothing but misery. Legal, Social, Emotional. You can tell me you don't care about any of these thing, but you do. I know it and you know it.
And forget this 'will to kill' stuff. What do you want to kill someone for? What do you gain?
Pick up a sport man. Saved my life.
The challenge still stands...
Originally Posted by Ace of Clubs
...and if it came down to it, they wouldn't expect me to be able to do very much damage, so I would most likely get the advantage of the first potent strike. These aren't guys who are gonna shoot for a takedown or try to get me in a clinch... they are the type throw hay-makers, which I can slip if not block, and I would most likely have ended up going right for the eyes at that point (I wasn't lying when I said I was raged enough to kill someone). On the other hand, if they were boxers or something, I am pretty confident in my ability to take a punch and I would have gone right for a barbell after the first attempted strike. But like I said, I don't need to be that pissed off all the time, only when I need the confidence to actually throw a real punch.
Last edited by lt_flippy; 3/25/2009 9:58pm at .