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  1. #11
    NOTE TO SELF - MOAR GRAPPLE - GET A NORMAL HAIR CUT - REPEAT supporting member
    Matt Phillips's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I would be a lot less annoyed with this if you had asked for some input or information, rather than posted your homework for me to correct.

  2. #12
    cyril's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    You didn't talk about the banging of chicks or the deadly lineage passed down from the kings of Heaven

    F

  3. #13
    MrBadGuy's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    WHERE IS HANUMAN PRESENTS RING

  4. #14
    Lily's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Squerlli - definitely go with Vorpal's suggestion, its as easy as sliding a few sentences (maybe in italics to differentiate) between each paragraph (so there's two stories, one fact and one an MT'ers insight/experience) in the one piece. Oh, and everything Rivington said.

    Spell check and edit it as well ('pray' not 'prey' etc.)

    What subject is this for?
    "I'm reluctant to sound like a total fa66ot as well, but my background in sculpture gave me an edge in understanding how we're expected to move thru space." - The Other Other Serge

  5. #15
    Rivington's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Vorpal
    It's a bit dry. It reads like a wikipedia entry. If that's what the teacher is looking for that's fine. But dammit, you're training Muay Thai. You can throw in all the stuff you have there but why don't you write about how it feels to take a crapload of roundhouses to your thighs or how good it feels to kick someone in the head? How does the gym smell, who's in it, what do you think about when you're wrpping your hands before a bout, what is your instructor like, is he a badass, how do you know? Make it real, put the reader in the gym and make them care about what's going on.
    This advice is only good if the assignment calls for it.

    If not, the OP will KTFO himself.

    If it's a simple composition theme, one should stick with academic writing.

  6. #16
    NOTE TO SELF - MOAR GRAPPLE - GET A NORMAL HAIR CUT - REPEAT supporting member
    Matt Phillips's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rivington
    This advice is only good if the assignment calls for it.

    If not, the OP will KTFO himself.

    If it's a simple composition theme, one should stick with academic writing.
    Off topic: you're the dude who trains martial application push hands in Boston right?

  7. #17
    Lily's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    We're all waiting for Squerlli to tell us what this is for.

    Reminds me of my kid brother who used to write about cricket in some manner no matter what the school subject.
    "I'm reluctant to sound like a total fa66ot as well, but my background in sculpture gave me an edge in understanding how we're expected to move thru space." - The Other Other Serge

  8. #18
    Rivington's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by PeopleSoft
    Off topic: you're the dude who trains martial application push hands in Boston right?
    I was. Now I do it in the Bay Area.

  9. #19
    NOTE TO SELF - MOAR GRAPPLE - GET A NORMAL HAIR CUT - REPEAT supporting member
    Matt Phillips's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Rivington
    I was. Now I do it in the Bay Area.
    Can you direct me to the right people?

  10. #20
    Squerlli's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I'm writing it for my English class.

    Thanks for the info guys, the point of this is to write it like a news article and I don't want to include to much b/s no one cares about like Lumpinee Stadium or start naming organizing bodies no one knows about. I wanna make it seem like a "intro to muay thai" kind of read.

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