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Thread: Painfull Poops!

  1. #11
    E-Van's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by glf
    I'm no nutritionist, but I'll betcha it's the protein shakes. Even one of those protein bars binds me right up, and once on the high-protein "South Beach" diet, my log got so dense it tore my asshole.

    I had to have it sewn up, fully conscious lying face-down on the table while the doctor and hot nurse shared flirty lulz. And if you think that was humiliating, try wiping your ass with stiches in.

    Yeah, protein I reckon.

    Dude tell me your joking. Your turd ripped your ass?

  2. #12

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    Mmm turdrip.

  3. #13
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    -The more protein you're eating, the more water you should be drinking, preferably spread throughout the day.
    -The more protein you're eating, the more fiber you should be eating, preferably spread throughout the day.
    -The more fiber you're eating, the more water you should be drinking, preferably while eating the fiber.
    -Make dietary changes gradually

    In summary, add more fiber and much more water throughout the day. Also, lay off the shakes for now, and only reintroduce them gradually once things are no longer bothering you.

    Also, if things are bleeding, see a doctor.

    Quote Originally Posted by E-Van
    Bannanas help? Potassium good for the ol shitter? I had no idea
    I'd assume that's for the cramping, not the GI tract.

  4. #14
    BaronVonDingDong's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by E-Van
    Dude tell me your joking. Your turd ripped your ass?
    I only wish I was. Never shoved anything up there and never eat glass. Ispo facto, turd ripped my ass.

    I'll bet I'm not the only one. Any takers?

  5. #15

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    I knew someone who drank a load of protein shakes and ended up having to get his girlfriend to help him get the enormous impacted turd out of him with the aid of a pencil, so that might be the problem.

    Personally I've had my anus ripped several times from large or "sharp" turds. Seeing a big pool of blood when you stand up is frightening and no mistake...

  6. #16
    Snake Plissken's Avatar
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    E-Van.
    perhaps there is a way to help solve some of your problems with what you are already doing.

    Try making your shakes with:

    a lower amount of the powdered protein then you were before then ramping it up.
    a banana for the potassium which should help your muscle cramping.
    Orange Juice or some type of Naked Juice or Odwalla Juice with pulp for fiber
    Add Ice Cubes this and the juice will help with the hydration aspects
    Throw in some plain yogurt

    Drink your shake with some yogurt mixed with fresh fruit and some Kashi for a nice parfait

    Otherwise, like everyone else said.....but eat more yogurt for some protein, as it includes probiotices and try taking papaya enzyme.

    As for the bananas, they are starchy and will increase the binding effect of your stool, which will necessitate more water intake.

  7. #17

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    Digg it out with your hands



    its what the Germans do...

  8. #18

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    Quote Originally Posted by E-Van
    Dude tell me your joking. Your turd ripped your ass?
    I have a small tear in my ass from eating a bunch of cheese logs when I was like 7 or so. It took me a few hours and some tears to get that bad boy out.

  9. #19
    BudoMonkey's Avatar
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    I work at a supplement shop. It's the protein. A high protein diet will give you constipation if not balanced with high fiber intake.

    Do you have a target supermarket near you? Archer farms 'heart smart' cereal is awesome, gives you 50% daily fiber.

    You can also buy a number of products such as Fiberteq or straight fiber pills from a vitamin shop.
    "This is why we are here. Because the Martial Arts for too long have been cloaked in an unnecessary level of secrecy bordering on mysticism, and its in these shadows that the cockroaches love to hide. -Phrost"

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    And of course, our resident hard man, underground fighter, kitten rescuer, loving father (I'm serious), and over all very sexy furry ************... Budo monkeh.

  10. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by e-van
    teeth gritting to get this behomoth out.
    This thread has reminded me how delightfully immature I am.

    Quote Originally Posted by glf
    I had to have it sewn up, fully conscious lying face-down on the table while the doctor and hot nurse shared flirty lulz.

    If I was going to flirt with a nurse, I'd definately do it while sewing up a guy's asshole.




    Oh, and yea, definately the protein. Same thing happened to me when I suddenly introduced protein shakes; it solidified my poo from the fucking fibre ravaged liquid I'd previously been super soaking out of my rectum.

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