You Know You're A BJJ Stylist If...

**Phrost** · Posted On: 7/12/2002 7:14pm

Our resident troll, Alter7nate, always trying to stir up crap with BJJ stylists created this list. Being a BJJ stylist myself, I still got a kick out of it.

You might be a BJJ'er if...

1. Say: "Kimura didn't fight Helio, they grappled"

2. Say things like "Osama Bin Laden is bad but can he escape a GRACIE rear naked or armlock?"

3. You are 200% sure that Shannon Logan would submit Bruce Lee in 5 minutes

4. Believe Gracies invented everything

5. Greet people with a open guard

6. Think every BJJ bluebelt would submit any Judo black belt

7. Speak with a fake Brazilian accent

8. Plan to marry a Brazilian (applies to BJJ females)

9. Think about Helio Gracie everytime doing a armbar, as though he created it

10. Think the "Kimura lock" was named after a man name Kimura Gracie

11. Have lots of kids

12. Eat alot of papaya

13. Don't get along with other styles and even their own

14. Have nicknames like "Bjjbabe"

15. Think Helio invented groundfighting

16. Believe that Mitsuyo Maeda (teacher of the Gracie) came to Brazil in the year 2000 B.C., by now BJJ is nothing like Kosen Judo

17. Have a altar dedicated to Rolls Gracie

18. Think Rickson never tap before

19. Says "there's nobody comparable to Royce"

20. Believe that BJJ have a 70 years of undefeated record and still is to this day

21. Get mad upon hearing "Kosen judo"

22. Think Maeda was a "deadly" Jujitsu fighter rather than a student of Judo founder Kano.

23. There must be something wrong when BJJ lose to other styles

24. Avoid fighting with top fighters

25. Fight and challenge retired fighters, even the dead Bruce Lee!

26. Believe that only BJJ can defeat BJJ

27. Cry when Sakuraba defeats four Gracies

28. Who's Kimura? You mean Kimura Gracie?

29. Always discover new "old Judo techniques" everyday

30. If a BJJ'ller sees a good technique next time you know it, it's a BJJ technique with someone with a Gracie last name credited as the innovator.

31. Start fights with some gas station owners

32. Always need special rules

33. Thinks the armbar, guard, half guard, Kimura, triangle, oma plata etc. were invented in Brazil

34. Think Helio Gracie is the greatest fighter to ever live

35. Says that the reason Mas Oyama and Helio never met is because Mas Oyama was scared and avoided encounter with Helio Gracie

36. Masturbate while wearing a "gi" and says: thank god Helio invented the "gi", I mean the "kimono"

37. Knows the whole Gracie family tree by heart

38. Don't know that top BJJ men are bi-sexual

39. Spent more time in between another man's leg than in between a girl's

40. Say that the people that defeated BJJ'llers just got lucky

**:-)-:** · Posted On: 7/12/2002 7:20pm

Helio vs McLean. Would McLean simply have:

1)beaten him into an unrecognizalbe pulp
2)sodomized him first, or...
3)****, I don't know, McLean probably would have eaten that fucker alive.

**Alter7nate** · Posted On: 7/13/2002 12:26am

41. Say things like "Helio can still beat half of today's NHB fighters"

42. Carry a copy of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu The Master Text everywhere...while trying to tell everybody that it's the equivalent of the Holy Bible

43. Think the Gracie diet is the World's most powerful medicine

44. Add an extra "i" to everything, Tiae-Kwon Do, Kia-rate, Miu-ay Thai etc.

45. When you think of Jujitsu, you think of Helio as the CREATOR, Rickson as the son of the creator

46. You think it's a Brazilian Tradition to challenge other schools....you drop in tears praising the genius of the Brazilians for creating this tradition

47. You're a girl who's into BJJ, everytime you think about the Gracie family...you get so wet down there

48. You thought Rickson Gracie defeated Miyamoto Musashi in a swordfight

49. You start to crosstrain in Muay Thai........then say that Helio was a genius having also created Muay Thai

50. You're a guy who's into BJJ, you always say that Rickson owns you...body and soul, you also say that you would let your wife go to bed with Rickson if you have the chance

51. Say that the great Sakuraba trained in BJJ all his life that's why he beated BJJ

52. Think that Rickson Gracie is undefeatable

53. You claim that Silva used primarily BJJ to beat Sakuraba

54. You get a hard on when you hear anything Gracie related

55. You and your friends foght NHB at the beach

56. The guard is the most "deadly" technique the Martial arts world had ever known

57. Say that Kimura used BJJ to beat Helio

58. Told your friends that fastest way to learn BJJ is to spent time in Rickson's ass AKA guard

59. You thought Helio Gracie invented Crosstraining...

60. You quote down everything Royce say

61. You was saying that Sakuraba and Renzo Gracie shouldn't be in the same ring...until renzo got his ass beat

62. You think Rickson have the guts to take on Takada and Zulu...because both of them is some of the World's toughest fighters to have ever live

63. You claim that Rolls Gracie "Invented" the triangle choke

64. You say that the only reason Sakuraba defeated 4 Gracies is because he is the Japanese Gracie

65. You try to say that Rickson is undefeated when you KNOW Rickson got his beat in a Sambo match by ippon

66. You 're a BJJ guy and you think Royce look good as hell

67. You try to cover up the fact that Helio Gracie was the "Original" Bisexual man

68. You're dumb enough to try one of those Gracie tapes on self-defense against weapons

69. You try to cover up the fact that Judo Master Kimura wasn't the only Pre-war Judoka that whopped a Gracie...Judoka Ono also whopped a Gracie

70. You hate Gokor just because of his last name, do a good fighter have to have a Gracie last name or what?

Edited by - Alter7nate on July 13 2002 02:02:45

**Roidie McDouchebag** · Posted On: 7/13/2002 2:18am

The sad thing is that lots of BJJ nutriders actually believe 50% of that...the only one I'm guilty of (and I don't do BJJ) is this one:

You quote down everything Royce say, and only then because he says some funny stuff.

**g-train** · Posted On: 7/13/2002 10:53am

my first post here! (chirp....chirp..)
i started a thread like this on the old "in the guard" forum.

71. you rub and pinch your ears secretly hoping they'll cauliflower.
72. are constantly trying chokes and locks on your poor girlfriend (or lucky boyfriend -girls)
73. you catch yourself humming the abu dhabi combat club theme song.
74. you wear t-shirts that say "bad boy" and "tap out" and other rediculous stuff.
75. you fantasize about new patches for your gi and wring your hands together in delightfull anticipation.
to be continued

**SDriver** · Posted On: 7/15/2002 10:08am

lol@ "eat a lot of papaya"

**PizDoff** · Posted On: 9/30/2004 5:22pm

WTF hahahahaha!

**philby909090** · Posted On: 9/30/2004 5:49pm

39. Spent more time in between another man's leg than in between a girl's - that was the funniest

**Hedgehogey** · Posted On: 9/30/2004 6:03pm

From the FAQ:

12. Conversely, grappling=sex jokes are no longer funny.

Just in advance.

**dramaboy** · Posted On: 9/30/2004 6:06pm

"42. Carry a copy of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu The Master Text everywhere...while trying to tell everybody that it's the equivalent of the Holy Bible"

Well, it makes definitely more SENSE that the Holy Bible.....

Tomas