7/12/2002 7:14pm, #1
Our resident troll, Alter7nate, always trying to stir up crap with BJJ stylists created this list. Being a BJJ stylist myself, I still got a kick out of it.
You might be a BJJ'er if...
1. Say: "Kimura didn't fight Helio, they grappled"
2. Say things like "Osama Bin Laden is bad but can he escape a GRACIE rear naked or armlock?"
3. You are 200% sure that Shannon Logan would submit Bruce Lee in 5 minutes
4. Believe Gracies invented everything
5. Greet people with a open guard
6. Think every BJJ bluebelt would submit any Judo black belt
7. Speak with a fake Brazilian accent
8. Plan to marry a Brazilian (applies to BJJ females)
9. Think about Helio Gracie everytime doing a armbar, as though he created it
10. Think the "Kimura lock" was named after a man name Kimura Gracie
11. Have lots of kids
12. Eat alot of papaya
13. Don't get along with other styles and even their own
14. Have nicknames like "Bjjbabe"
15. Think Helio invented groundfighting
16. Believe that Mitsuyo Maeda (teacher of the Gracie) came to Brazil in the year 2000 B.C., by now BJJ is nothing like Kosen Judo
17. Have a altar dedicated to Rolls Gracie
18. Think Rickson never tap before
19. Says "there's nobody comparable to Royce"
20. Believe that BJJ have a 70 years of undefeated record and still is to this day
21. Get mad upon hearing "Kosen judo"
22. Think Maeda was a "deadly" Jujitsu fighter rather than a student of Judo founder Kano.
23. There must be something wrong when BJJ lose to other styles
24. Avoid fighting with top fighters
25. Fight and challenge retired fighters, even the dead Bruce Lee!
26. Believe that only BJJ can defeat BJJ
27. Cry when Sakuraba defeats four Gracies
28. Who's Kimura? You mean Kimura Gracie?
29. Always discover new "old Judo techniques" everyday
30. If a BJJ'ller sees a good technique next time you know it, it's a BJJ technique with someone with a Gracie last name credited as the innovator.
31. Start fights with some gas station owners
32. Always need special rules
33. Thinks the armbar, guard, half guard, Kimura, triangle, oma plata etc. were invented in Brazil
34. Think Helio Gracie is the greatest fighter to ever live
35. Says that the reason Mas Oyama and Helio never met is because Mas Oyama was scared and avoided encounter with Helio Gracie
36. Masturbate while wearing a "gi" and says: thank god Helio invented the "gi", I mean the "kimono"
37. Knows the whole Gracie family tree by heart
38. Don't know that top BJJ men are bi-sexual
39. Spent more time in between another man's leg than in between a girl's
40. Say that the people that defeated BJJ'llers just got lucky
7/12/2002 7:20pm, #2
- Join Date
- Jun 2002
Helio vs McLean. Would McLean simply have:
1)beaten him into an unrecognizalbe pulp
2)sodomized him first, or...
3)****, I don't know, McLean probably would have eaten that fucker alive.
7/13/2002 12:26am, #3
- Join Date
- Jun 2002
41. Say things like "Helio can still beat half of today's NHB fighters"
42. Carry a copy of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu The Master Text everywhere...while trying to tell everybody that it's the equivalent of the Holy Bible
43. Think the Gracie diet is the World's most powerful medicine
44. Add an extra "i" to everything, Tiae-Kwon Do, Kia-rate, Miu-ay Thai etc.
45. When you think of Jujitsu, you think of Helio as the CREATOR, Rickson as the son of the creator
46. You think it's a Brazilian Tradition to challenge other schools....you drop in tears praising the genius of the Brazilians for creating this tradition
47. You're a girl who's into BJJ, everytime you think about the Gracie family...you get so wet down there
48. You thought Rickson Gracie defeated Miyamoto Musashi in a swordfight
49. You start to crosstrain in Muay Thai........then say that Helio was a genius having also created Muay Thai
50. You're a guy who's into BJJ, you always say that Rickson owns you...body and soul, you also say that you would let your wife go to bed with Rickson if you have the chance
51. Say that the great Sakuraba trained in BJJ all his life that's why he beated BJJ
52. Think that Rickson Gracie is undefeatable
53. You claim that Silva used primarily BJJ to beat Sakuraba
54. You get a hard on when you hear anything Gracie related
55. You and your friends foght NHB at the beach
56. The guard is the most "deadly" technique the Martial arts world had ever known
57. Say that Kimura used BJJ to beat Helio
58. Told your friends that fastest way to learn BJJ is to spent time in Rickson's ass AKA guard
59. You thought Helio Gracie invented Crosstraining...
60. You quote down everything Royce say
61. You was saying that Sakuraba and Renzo Gracie shouldn't be in the same ring...until renzo got his ass beat
62. You think Rickson have the guts to take on Takada and Zulu...because both of them is some of the World's toughest fighters to have ever live
63. You claim that Rolls Gracie "Invented" the triangle choke
64. You say that the only reason Sakuraba defeated 4 Gracies is because he is the Japanese Gracie
65. You try to say that Rickson is undefeated when you KNOW Rickson got his beat in a Sambo match by ippon
66. You 're a BJJ guy and you think Royce look good as hell
67. You try to cover up the fact that Helio Gracie was the "Original" Bisexual man
68. You're dumb enough to try one of those Gracie tapes on self-defense against weapons
69. You try to cover up the fact that Judo Master Kimura wasn't the only Pre-war Judoka that whopped a Gracie...Judoka Ono also whopped a Gracie
70. You hate Gokor just because of his last name, do a good fighter have to have a Gracie last name or what?
Edited by - Alter7nate on July 13 2002 02:02:45
7/13/2002 2:18am, #4
The sad thing is that lots of BJJ nutriders actually believe 50% of that...the only one I'm guilty of (and I don't do BJJ) is this one:
You quote down everything Royce say, and only then because he says some funny stuff.
7/13/2002 10:53am, #5
- Join Date
- Jul 2002
my first post here! (chirp....chirp..)
i started a thread like this on the old "in the guard" forum.
71. you rub and pinch your ears secretly hoping they'll cauliflower.
72. are constantly trying chokes and locks on your poor girlfriend (or lucky boyfriend -girls)
73. you catch yourself humming the abu dhabi combat club theme song.
74. you wear t-shirts that say "bad boy" and "tap out" and other rediculous stuff.
75. you fantasize about new patches for your gi and wring your hands together in delightfull anticipation.
to be continued
7/15/2002 10:08am, #6
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- Jul 2002
lol@ "eat a lot of papaya"
9/30/2004 5:22pm, #7
WTF hahahahaha!Surfing Facebook at work? Spread the good word by adding us on Facebook today! https://www.facebook.com/Bullshido
9/30/2004 5:49pm, #8
- Join Date
- Aug 2004
39. Spent more time in between another man's leg than in between a girl's - that was the funniest
9/30/2004 6:03pm, #9
From the FAQ:
12. Conversely, grappling=sex jokes are no longer funny.
"The only important elements in any society
are the artistic and the criminal,
because they alone, by questioning the society's values,
can force it to change."-Samuel R. Delany
RENDERING GELATINOUS WINDMILL OF DICKS
THIS IS GOING TO BE THE BEST NON-EUCLIDIAN SPLATTERJOUST EVER
It seems that the only people who support anarchy are faggots, who want their pathetic immoral lifestyle accepted by the mainstream society. It wont be so they try to create their own.-Oldman34, friend to all children
9/30/2004 6:06pm, #10
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- Feb 2004
"42. Carry a copy of Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu The Master Text everywhere...while trying to tell everybody that it's the equivalent of the Holy Bible"
Well, it makes definitely more SENSE that the Holy Bible.....
TomasCurrent stage of death: denial