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  1. Critical Jo is offline
    Critical Jo's Avatar

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    Apr 2005
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    Houston, Tejas
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    Posted On:
    8/20/2008 1:25am


     Style: Hiatus: Judo, BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    How to win a fight against 20 kids

    Another gem of an article from Cracked. I'll admit a good portion of them are relatively entertaining. However there are a select few that miss the mark. Is this one of them? Maybe. Or Maybe not. You be the judge

    How to Win a Fight Against Twenty Children - Cracked.com

    Some quotes from the article:

    Spoiler:
    Use an appropriate technique. Modern mixed martial arts are geared almost exclusively towards one on one combat, and are not designed to take on multiple tiny aggressors. As a grown adult, you could be fairly assured of absolutely destroying a 7 year old if you took him to the floor for a ground and pound. But by doing so you’d expose your back and head to his peers. Your best bet is to stay on your feet and use striking techniques. Karate is one good choice - it was originally designed in the 1600’s for use by unarmed Japanese day care workers.


    Spoiler:
    Intimidation. Although I don’t expect you to be intimidated by the prospect of fighting twenty children - given the self-confidence that comes with maturity - remember that intimidation is a two way street. Twenty is a big number, and if that many children lose their fear of you, watch out. Use fierce roars and displays of strength to frighten the children. When taunting, remember that children are almost comically stupid, and won’t understand any of your more creative taunts. You won’t intimidate anyone if you have to explain three times specifically what you did to their mother last night.


    Spoiler:
    Groin attacks. In general the crotch is a small, easily defensible target, and not typically a factor in most fights at a reasonably professional level. That said, when children are attacked by an adult, they’re rarely going to respond professionally. Again, if you have forewarning that you’ll soon be coming to blows with twenty children, absolutely wear a cup. If you do get struck in the groin, under no circumstances should you place your hand on your genitals to massage away the pain - touching your privates while surrounded by minors is illegal in many states, and frowned upon in the rest.
  2. Siniq is offline
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    Senior Member

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    the woods of eastern Europe
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    Posted On:
    8/20/2008 1:35am


     Style: Gym drifter

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Wow that is some messed up ****, without even the martial art stuff.
  3. Kentucky Fried Chokin is offline
    Kentucky Fried Chokin's Avatar

    Portrait of a BJJer as a Young Man

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    May 2007
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    Seattle, WA
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    5,450

    Posted On:
    8/20/2008 1:35am

    Join us... or die
     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    That was a helpful and informative article!
  4. recourse is offline

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    Jul 2007
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    Lewisville TX
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    Posted On:
    8/20/2008 1:44am


     Style: BJJ / MT

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I can't wait to beat the **** out of the kids at my nephews next birthday party with these tips.


    edit: whats better than beating up small children?

    Elder Abuse of course.
  5. Siniq is offline
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    Senior Member

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    the woods of eastern Europe
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    Posted On:
    8/20/2008 2:10am


     Style: Gym drifter

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Yeah elderly people are dirty fighters. They'l throw their dentures at you and hit you with their walkers. :D
  6. syberia is offline
    syberia's Avatar

    Here to kick your ass.

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    Australia
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    Posted On:
    8/20/2008 2:26am

    supporting member
     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I watched the kids karate class the other day, and they were playing a cool down game. Anyway, somehow it involved tackling sensei Al to the ground.

    It took 15 of them to get him to the mat and keep him there.

    ****, it was hilarious.


    Chaos? Panic?... Disorder??
    .........................​My work here is done.

  7. 3moose1 is offline
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    United States Marine.

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    Jan 2008
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    San Clemente
    Posts
    9,530

    Posted On:
    8/20/2008 3:01am

    Join us... or die
     Style: MCMAP, BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Lol, i hate kids.

    I love babies, they are cute, and make papa moose go, "aww"

    But when those bastards learn how to talk...****.

    PROOF that I'm not a completely useless poster:
    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/show...0&postcount=58


    Quote Originally Posted by Cy Q. Faunce
    3moose1 is correct. Sig THAT, you fucker.

    Quote Originally Posted by sochin101 View Post
    I went out with a delightful young woman who was on a regimen of pills that made her taste of burned onions.
    That is not conducive to passionate cunnilingus, my friend, let me assure you.
    Quote Originally Posted by HappyOldGuy View Post
    I agree with moosey
  8. colonelpong2 is offline

    Senior Member

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    Posted On:
    8/20/2008 3:25am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Kickboxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by recourse
    I can't wait to beat the **** out of the kids at my nephews next birthday party with these tips.
    Thanks for resurecting a traumatic memory for me.

    Early this year I was forced to endure my nephew's third birthday party.

    I still wake up in a cold sweat with the image of those savage, shrieking little monsters charging at me with their cold, merciless eyes.. their screams tearing through the midday calm.
    My sisters boyfriends sister and I fought them valiantly with a garden hose and a brace of water pistols but they just kept on coming. We couldn't repel them all and in the end they secured and occupied the paddling pool.

    Found out later the little fuckers thought it was a game. It was war dammit! WAR!

    Tip: For a simple improvised claymore, take a multi directional garden sprinkler, place it horizontally along the most likely route of enemy approach and cover with grass.
    Then wait for the little fuckers to mount their assault and spin the tap.
  9. Virus is offline
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    Posted On:
    8/20/2008 3:57am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I could easily beat the **** out of 20 children. I don't need to read an article to help me.
  10. colonelpong2 is offline

    Senior Member

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    Posted On:
    8/20/2008 3:59am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Kickboxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Virus
    I could easily beat the **** out of 20 children. I don't need to read an article to help me.
    What you do need, however, is a hydro powered improvised claymore
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