Bullshido Digest Monthly. July Edition.
Brought to you by YMAS:It’s been a tough month. My editor has been on my ass non-stop and just yesterday he called me into his office.
“Where the comedy comes harder than Peter North.”
“Virus, I want a word with you.” He told me.
“What about Ned?” I replied.
“My name’s not Ned.”
“No you’ve got me confused with someone called Ned. Look this isn’t important. I called you in here to discuss your performance.”
“Yes, it’s worse than a chunner in a boxing match.”
“Well, you’re lazy, you always miss deadlines and you sleep under your desk . You’re about as useful as a kempo groundfighting seminar.“
So yeah, I’m kinda in the ****, or der shize as a German would say, providing he couldn’t actually speak German properly. So this issue is a little late.
The news in short:
Phrost’s untold military hell: Commanding officer “ordered me to wear tighter trousers.”
Systema seminar blamed for rising food prices.
China bids for tai-chi to be included in Beijing Olympics. Olympic officials hesitant over possible steroid use.
Scientists discover ki.
Japanese researchers have observed anti-cancer effects on cells exposed to ki by an aikido master. Some members of the forum are ecstatic that evidence may exist for the elusive ki.
But sceptics remain cautious about accepting these results. “The judgement of some people is skewed by their psychological needs.” A spokesman for the scepticism forum said. When asked what these psychological needs are, he stated “the need to believe that aikido is actually useful for something.”
Chinese Government halts controversial “anti-chun” campaign.
In 2007 the Chinese government set out to detain any members of wing chun schools that were competent fighters. After noting that the prisons had never been so empty, they decided to go back to arresting political dissidents instead.
Plasma accused of being a ninja.
Forum members have accused noted forum leader Plasma (aka Pl4sm4, kagekaze, ninjew, kage-plasmer) of being a ninja.
“These accusations are made by the most ignorant members of the forum.” Plasma said in a recent statement “I study classical koryu weapon and jujitsu arts. I’m not a ninja.“
But some members are not so sure he is telling the whole truth. “We have video footage of him wearing tabi, and he has publicly admitted to carrying shuriken for self-defence. It’s quite possible these actions could be construed, in a court of law, as the ninjerism.” Bullshido legal expert Sam Browning said. “Certain names in users style fields such as “koryu jujitsu”, “budo” “taijutsu” or “bujutsu “ have long been used as euphemisms for bujinkan.“ He added.
TheMightyMcClaw to debut in Chinese Film:
TheMightyMcClaw announced that he will be working on the set of a Chinese film. The film’s plot involves a group of wushu schoolkids who travel back in time and defeat monsters and demons during the Qing dynasty. Notable scenes will include a pitched battle between nunchaku and hula hoop wielding kids.
But the production is not without its critics. “The plot sounds completely unrealistic” one member said. “Everyone knows wushu doesn’t work in a fight.”
Wing Chun extremism hits the forums.
A new breed of radical wing chun extremism or “chundamentalism” has hit the forums in the past month. This creed asserts that wing chun is the one true art, and that the unbelievers must be converted to wing chun through a violent struggle or “chihad”.
Proponents believe that the chain punch is an adequate way to deal with any attack, and that forms and chi-sao are all that is needed to learn self defence.
Forum members are generally alarmed by the increase in radial wing chun, but forum poster Zapruder urges people to be tolerant. “The idea of Wing Chun is not to be blamed for people wasting time with chi sau and forms.” He said. “Such behaviour is actually due to their culture as well as human nature. Look it up.”
Virus silent on “Bujinkan sucks” thread.
Members expressed concern that noted ninjerphobe, Virus, has been silent on a bujinkan sucks thread. In a recent statement, he announced “I’m tired of this whole “wing chun sucks”, “ninjitsu sucks” thing. I’m onto aikido now. “