Plea for help...
What's up everybody. The last time I made a thread (which was the first time I made a thread) I asked what the most appropriate way would be to tell my traditional TKD instructor that I'm through and leaving the school. Thank you to everyone for their suggestions. I had made up my mind the day or two after I created the thread that I would quit the school ASAP.
I told my mom what I was planning on doing (I moved back home after graduation, I'm looking for a job now), and said I'd start training Muay Thai and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu at RIMA here in Raleigh. I convinced her that the way we train at TKD is pretty much useless and she conceded that there's nothing wrong with supplementing my training, but asked why I thought it necessary to quit TKD.
I tried explaining everything that bugged me about it, from the constant kata training, one-steps, lunge-punches, no-touch sparring, bowing to show "respect", focus on ritual instead of functional training...and she just wouldn't get it. She wanted me to stay with the school She basically told me that she neither wanted me in her house nor would she speak to me again if I quit TKD.
I kind of understand why she feels what she does...she's been taking me to and (until about 4 years ago) paying for TKD since I was about 10. She grew up in India, in a very conservative/traditional family, and people don't usually get the opportunity to train martial arts, even crappy ones, over there. She tried to give me opportunities she didn't have growing up, martial arts being one of them. Also, without going into my entire life story, I've been a pretty big screw-up/slacker/pothead/idiot without any ambition for a large part of my life, until a couple of years ago. I think she sees my attempt to quit as a resurfacing of my old tendency to never see things through to the end. She also sees my wanting to quit as selfish, and sees my considering it as ungrateful to my old instructor.
I agreed to continue training TKD...but after another month, it's getting unbearable. My old instructor, who passed away 5 years ago, at least TRIED to make our training functional -- we sparred a good bit, focused less on forms and onesteps, and (from what I heard from older students), he even incorporated wrestling and low kicks/stomps into sparring during black belt classes. The instructor we've had since then, however, is completely convinced that "forms teach you everything". That is pretty much all we do, every class. I asked the other day if we could maybe change things around and do sparring in class...he said "Sparring, huh?", then talked on his phone for a little bit and never answered me. (We did more forms...)
I ran the idea of leaving the school by my mom again recently, and she flipped out. Completely. Yelled, screamed, even cried. I made the mistake of saying that I don't like the "traditional" approach to training and think it's silly. She then went on a rant about how I've never done anything "traditional" in my life, and I need to do at least one thing that's "traditional"...gaaaaahhhh....I finally got her to chill the flip out by telling her that I'll stay with TKD and just supplement it with MT/BJJ.
I've gotten a couple of job interviews recently, they all went well, and I'm quite certain I'll have a job within a week or so....so this will all be my own money I'll use for training. I just have no effing clue what I should do. She suggested that I stay in the school, go through the ranks until I'm an instructor, start my own school, and then train the way I want...the only problem is that
a)I'm sure everything I'd do would be regulated by our Grandmaster, so there'd be little freedom in my teaching and training, and
b)If I get all that I'm looking for in MA by training combat sports, what's the point of paying an extra ~1000+ dollars in testing fees to eventually become an instructor?
I love my mom to death and we're cool on just about every other topic nowadays...she just seems to lose all rational thought when this discussion comes up.
Also, oldman34...I see that you train TKD, and I'm sure that it's done in a functional way, else you wouldn't list it when posting here,right? How does your school train TKD?
...and apologies for the length of this post, I swear they'll be shorter from now...
Don't listen to oldman34. He's old and pissy and is full of lies. Also, cliffnotes please.
RIMA's a good school. Make sure you hit it up on Mondays and Thursdays when Bumpkin's teaching the jiu jitsu.
It's time you stand up to your mom. You are waaaaay too old to allow your parents to decide what you should or shouldn't do. Make it clear that the TKD school just isn't working for you at all, and that continued investment of time and money into it isn't going to make it any better, and that the folks at RIMA will help you with the personal development that you once got from TKD. In the end it's your call, but you really need to stand up to your mom. She can't live your life for you.
For this part at least you actually have the advantage. Boxing and wrestling are ancient, and so are their training methods. What can possibly be more traditional than having to sweat and fighting to learn how to fight?
Originally Posted by yeeamawma
Muay Thai and BJJ are older than TKD anyway.
It sounds like you got bigger problems than martial arts. the hole situation is more complicated because your family is from India. I THINK THAT YOU ALREADY KNOW WHAT YOU WANT TO DO but that you lack the strength to do it. You probably need somebody to listen to your problems and tell you what you already know.
We can also try this approach: you basically got 2 choices
1) you can continue training TKD
2) you can quite training TKD
the first one will make your mom happy but it will make you unhappy and it is not a permanent fix. It is not a permanent solution.. sooner or later..
The second one will make you happy but your mom unhappy.
I would get that job first if this was me.. Bullshido is a terrible place to ask for help with these kind of issues btw.. but I wish you best of luck
Originally Posted by Just Guess
I know!! I told her this...she still didn't care, I told her that TKD is about fitty some odd years old, and MT and JJ are around a couple thousand each...she's completely adament. I can't understand why she would care so much about this...
and nameless, I totally agree with you...you'd be surprised how intimidating my mom can be, at about 5' 1" and all of 100 pounds...plus the fact that she pretty much raised me, and we both had to deal with a lot of crap when I was growing up regarding other family members...
I dunno, I guess I just hafta just do what I need to and deal with whatever she says...she'll get over it eventually, surely...
Organize a dojo storm, then tell your mom you don't feel safe training there because ninjas are threatening your life.
Can you train TKD once a week, or once every two weeks, and spend the rest of your time at RIMA? Would this placate your mother, or would she even notice?
Dammit just tell your mom you're done with it. She'll be made for a day then get over it. If she really likes TKD that much sign her up for lessons.
Could you just do what you want to do, only, NOT tell your mother about it? You don't have to lie to her, you just, you know, NOT tell her... the truth.... Just a thought. Good luck.