Thread: Fedor > Chuck Norris
7/19/2008 3:21am, #1
Fedor > Chuck Norris
For some reason they mistakenly put Chuck Norris's name in place of Fedor's many years ago. This is the correction of this error.
1. Some kids piss their name in the snow, Fedor can piss his name in concrete.
2. Leading hand sanitizers claim to kill 99.9% of all germs, Fedor can kill 100% of whatever the hell he wants.
3. Fedor counted to infinity twice.
4. Fedor once visited the Virgin Islands, they are now The Islands.
5. Fedor's calender goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; No one fools Fedor.
6. Fedor can speak Braille.
7. Fedor's tears cure cancer; too bad Fedor never cries.
8. Fedor was originally cast as the main character in 24, but was replaced by the producers when he managed to kill every terrorist and save the day in 12 minutes and 37 seconds.
9. Fedor died 10 years ago, but the Grim Reaper cannot get up the courage to tell him.
10. Fedor puts the laughter in "manslaughter.
11. Superman owns a pair of Fedor pajamas.
12. Fedor can slam revolving doors.
13. Fedor sleeps with a night light. Not because he's afraid of the dark but because the dark is afraid of Fedor.
14. Once a Cobra bit Fedor's leg after five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
15. Fedor was on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin, the next 29 minutes consisted of everyone awkwardly standing around waiting for the wheel to stop.
16. Fedor doesn't hunt because the word hunting implies the possibility of failure. Fedor goes killing.
17. Fedor divides by zero.
18. Fedor's watch has no number on it. It just says "Time to kick ass".
19. When Fedor gives you the finger he telling you how many seconds you have to live.
20. Fedor is not hung like a horse. Horses are hung like Fedor.
21. Giraffes were created when Fedor uppercutted a horse.
22. When the boogey man goes to sleep at night he checks his closet for Fedor.
23. Fedor's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Fedor doesn't take crap from anybody.
24. Fedor has to maintain a concealed weapon license in all 50 states in order to legally wear pants.
25. Fedor is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
26. When Fedor exercises the machine gets stronger.
27. Fedor doesn't use pick up lines he simply says "Now".
28. Fedor can build a snowman out of rain.
29. Fedor once had a heart attack, his heart lost.
30. Fedor plays Russian Roulette with a fully loaded revolver.
31. Fedor can kill to stones with one bird.
32. MC Hammer learned the hard way that Fedor can touch this.
33. Fedor once killed a bird by throwing it off a cliff.
34. The best part of waking up is not Folgers in your cup but knowing Fedor did not kill you in your sleep.
35. Fedor once punched a man in his soul.
36. Fedor did that to Michael Jackson's face.
37. The chief export of Fedor is pain.
38. The most honorable way of dying is taking a bullet for Fedor. This amuses Fedor as he is bullet proof.
39. Fedor can tie his shoes with his feet.
40. Fedor once finished the song that never ends.
41. The quickest way to a man's heart is with Fedor's fist.
42. It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagra falls in a wooden barrel. Fedor can go up Niagra Falls in a cardboard box.
43. The saddest moment for a child is not when he realizes that Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he realizes Fedor is.
44. We all know the magic word is 'please', as in the sentence "Please don't kill me". To bad Fedor doesn't believe in magic.
45. Fedor can drown a fish.
46. When Fedor enters a room, he doesn't turn the lights on he turns the dark off.
47. Fedor can create a rock so heavy that he can't even lift it. Then he'll do it just to show you how Fedor is.
48. The reason why newborn babies cry is because they realize they have just entered a world with Fedor.
49. The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Fedor has been over there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.
50. Fedor was once the FBI's chief negotiator. His job consisted of him calling up criminals and saying "this is Fedor".
51. Fedor used to beat the crap out of his shadow because it was following him too close. It now stands 30 feet behind him.
52. The only time Fedor has been wrong is when he thought he had made a mistake.
53. The last digit of pi is Fedor. He is the end of all things.
54. On Neil Armstrongs 2nd step on the moon, he found a note that said "Fedor was here".
55. When Fedor breaks the law, the law does heal.
56. A unicorn once kicked Fedor. That's why they no longer exist.
57. Bullets dodge Fedor.
58. Fedor once partook in a pissing contest outside a bar. His opponents drowned.
7/19/2008 3:58am, #2
- Join Date
- Feb 2003
- BJJ (on hiatus)
Sorry, but Chuck>Fedor. How? Fedor grew up impoverished with his brother and eventually grew to be very successful through his fighting skills. That is worthy of a made-for-tv movie
Chuck's childhood was made into a pay-per-view movie. We know it as the UFC.
7/19/2008 8:23am, #3
7/19/2008 8:57am, #4
Omega is in loooooooveeeee........
7/19/2008 9:28am, #5
- Join Date
- Dec 2007
- Sao Paulo (BJJ Motherland!)
7/19/2008 12:04pm, #6
thats what they all say
7/19/2008 6:13pm, #7
59. Fedor doesn't sleep... he waits.
60. Fedor doesn't bleed, he drips vengeance.
61. On the seventh day of Creation, God turned to Fedor and asked, "Is this okay?"
62. The Apocalypse was thwarted in December, 1999 when Fedor killed the four angels.
63. The SARS epidemic was actually a collective fear of Fedor.
7/19/2008 6:31pm, #8
- Join Date
- Jan 2008
- MCMAP, Judo, sex appeal
oh oh oh let me try
64. The only thing Fedor fears is 3moose1. For good reason.
PROOF that I'm not a completely useless poster:
Originally Posted by Cy Q. Faunce
7/19/2008 6:44pm, #9Originally Posted by Snake Plissken
7/19/2008 6:51pm, #10Originally Posted by jdinca