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  1. #31
    Holy Moment's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Good evening. Today is Thursday, July the 3rd, and this is my last broadcast. Yesterday I announced on this program that I was going to commit public suicide, admittedly an act of madness. Well, I'll tell you what happened: I just ran out of bullshit. Am I still on the air? I really don't know any other way to say it other than I just ran out of bullshit. Bullshit is all the reasons we give for living. And if we can't think up any reasons of our own, we always have the God bullshit. We don't know why we're going through all this pointless pain, humiliation, decays, so there better be someone somewhere who does know. That's the God bullshit. And then, there's the noble man bullshit; that man is a noble creature that can order his own world; who needs God? Well, if there's anybody out there that can look around this demented slaughterhouse of a world we live in and tell me that man is a noble creature, believe me: That man is full of bullshit. I don't have anything going for me. I haven't got any kids. And I was married for thirty-three years of shrill, shrieking fraud. So I don't have any bullshit left. I just ran out of it, you see. Good night.

  2. #32
    I'm not witty enough for this custom title.
    krazy kaju's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I <3 Virus

    Quote Originally Posted by Virus
    Yeah like Bill O'Dickshaft's "No Spin Zone"
    Haha, that reminds me when Colbert said on the O'Reilly factor: "Now, I want you to know, I spend so much time in the world that is spinning all the time, that to be in the no spin zone actually gives me vertigo."

    Hell, that's going into my sig.
    GUIZ THIS IS LIEK MY SIGNACHOOR LOLOL

    :icon_roll

  3. #33
    Virus's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I didn't put that thumbnail pic in my post.

  4. #34

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Virus. You are a legend. Permission to reprint this?

  5. #35
    Putting the "ow" back in "flowery technique"
    NJM's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Virus
    yeah, add your own stories about the last month's activity too.


    Traditional Martial Arts and Styles: June Coverage




    Drunken Style: Forced into the 21st Century Kicking and Screaming.

    Several new Wushu LARPers contended this month that "Drunken Style" is a legitimate style of martial art. For those who don't know, there is no historical evidence for the existence of an actual "Drunken Style" of Chinese Martial Arts.

    Thanks to the efforts of [I]It is Fake[/"]No BS Martial Arts - View Profile: It is Fake@@AMEPARAM@@View Profile: It is Fake</title>@@AMEPARAM@@It is Fakeand, to an extent, No BS Martial Arts - View Profile: MrBadGuy@@AMEPARAM@@View Profile: MrBadGuy</title>@@AMEPARAM@@MrBadGuy , the attack of revisionist historian noobs was routed into the Gulf of Logic.


    Lineage Wars:

    Still going strong, but we're seeing more activity in the extra-chun sectors.


    Tae Kwon Do Fights its Way Back to the Top, One Person out of Millions at a Time.

    A cargo load of Cognitive Dissonance juiceboxes was accidentally shipped to the WTF and ATA headquarters. As a result, several TKD noobs have approached the forums with the same old, sparse, full contact TKD videos. When they discovered that one school's training did not improve their own school's training through the fabled "TMA Quantum Mirror Effect" they promptly fled the scene to MAP.

    Judo and Aikido: a New Horizon

    Judoka have begun supplementing their training with grappling and throwing techniques. Aikidoka have begun supplementing their training with Kalishnikov-47-Do.
    Last edited by NJM; 7/04/2008 5:54pm at .

  6. #36
    Virus's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by NJM


    Traditional Martial Arts and Styles: June Coverage




    Drunken Style: Forced into the 21st Century Kicking and Screaming.

    Several new Wushu LARPers contended this month that "Drunken Style" is a legitimate style of martial art. For those who don't know, there is no historical evidence for the existence of an actual "Drunken Style" of Chinese Martial Arts.

    Thanks to the efforts of It is Fake and, to an extent, MrBadGuy , the attack of revisionist historian noobs was routed into the Gulf of Logic.


    Lineage Wars:

    Still going strong, but we're seeing more activity in the extra-chun sectors.


    Tae Kwon Do Fights its Way Back to the Top, One Person out of Millions at a Time.

    A cargo load of Cognitive Dissonance juiceboxes was accidentally shipped to the WTF and ATA headquarters. As a result, several TKD noobs have approached the forums with the same old, sparse, full contact TKD videos. When they discovered that one school's training did not improve their own school's training through the fabled "TMA Quantum Mirror Effect" they promptly fled the scene to MAP.

    Judo and Aikido: a New Horizon

    Judoka have begun supplementing their training with grappling and throwing techniques. Aikidoka have begun supplementing their training with Kalishnikov-47-Do.
    Feedback: You've got some good ideas to work with, but you need more practice in your delivery. What makes my article work is the way I jump between a serious newspaper-like writing style and absurdist, bullshido culture. Your writing seems to just ride a blurred line between the two. Use a serious tone to set up a gag, then jump into your joke to finish it. I can't overstate the importance of delivery enough, a great joke can fall flat without the right delivery and a mediocre gag can become funny if the setup and delivery are well executed.

    I don't care much for the "drunken style" and "lineage wars" sections, they don't seem to contain any "joke" of any sort. "lineage wars" isn't even an article, it's just one sentence, not that that's bad in itself but there's no leadup and punchline.

    The "TKD fights" bit shows some promise. You've got some decent material like the "TMA quantum mirror effect" gag but I don't feel the setup is that good. You're writing from too-critical an angle. It's good that you recognize that t3h funn3h can heavily rely on putting someone down, but it's better to write as though you are just stating the "facts" but then throw something out that forces the reader to fill-in-the-gap that you're putting someone down.

    I don't know if you picked up on it, but most of my articles took their cue from specific discussions that actually happened on the forums. This means that people who are familiar with the original text will get the joke a bit more.

    "Judo and aikido" sorry but I don't really get the gag about judoka doing grappling and throwing. Please don't use any "-do" or "-fu" jokes. (especially "gun"-fu tee-hee) They are really unsophisticated and lame, and you'd have to do something really special with them to make them work.

  7. #37
    Putting the "ow" back in "flowery technique"
    NJM's Avatar
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    Nice. I'll keep those tips in mind.

  8. #38
    nightowl's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Virus
    Just make sure heaps of stupid **** happens on the forums over July and there will be moar.
    Will do.

  9. #39
    3moose1's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by ShrekBJJ
    3moose1 Shows Skills in Video

    Prolific poster and fountain of BJJ knowledge showed his skills in an epic battle with a barely trained fighter. His eventual submission win crowned him as the new king of backyard fighting and **** quality video. The yellow belt karateka frustrated 3moose1 with his submision defence learned from watching UFC but experience and conditioning proved to be decisive as 3moose1 took home the win.
    Hey i got mentioned! But, that happened in July, so i fully expect an article in the next issue.

    Also, he had more then just Karate.

    Also, blow me, i don't see you fighting.

    Also, Prolific? Awesome!

    PROOF that I'm not a completely useless poster:
    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/show...0&postcount=58


    Quote Originally Posted by Cy Q. Faunce
    3moose1 is correct. Sig THAT, you fucker.

    Quote Originally Posted by sochin101 View Post
    I went out with a delightful young woman who was on a regimen of pills that made her taste of burned onions.
    That is not conducive to passionate cunnilingus, my friend, let me assure you.
    Quote Originally Posted by HappyOldGuy View Post
    I agree with moosey

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