Posted On:9/25/2009 12:06am
Style: TKD Hapkido Judo Tai Chi
Originally Posted by bemused
She wanted to learn just one song so that she could show off, like she does with her guitar and flute. She talks about what a great student she is, but it's BS.
That's like going to a martial arts school and telling the instructor "I don't want to be bothered to learn the art. Just teach me one spinning kick so I can impress everyone."
Posted On:9/29/2009 9:03am
Style: Jung SuWon
Bemused you ask what eventually led me to leave COL. It wasn't one particular thing. There came a point where TYK's lies, manipulation and psyco rants became too much. I could no longer justify her behavior by saying to myself "I trust my master" and "it's not right to question my master". The voice inside me, the one TYK calls our "silent master", began to whisper that this isn't right and that whisper led to a shout I guess you could say and that changed to "I gotta get outta here!"
Fortunetly I didn't have anything really holding me there as some do like a child or a spouse. Once the seed of doubt is planted, that the master I believed in is really a fairy tale and worse yet, a con artist, everything that held me there began to crumble. My eyes were opened and I looked at everything in a new and real way. Class was no longer the same, not the COL classes anyway. Going to dinner, a movie, working all night at LWS or SG wasn't an honor, it sucked.
I realized that our goals didn't really exist, not the original ones that brought me to wanting to be a part of the elite COL. Becoming an instructor has little or nothing to do with your martial arts skills, how you can work with or teach others, how long you have been training, how often you come to class, it all comes down to the politics of the group and how TYK wants it to be. I knew that goal was not achievable for me.
Building COL City is the biggest farce ever. Making a difference by helping others became very shallow and only happened when there was something in it for TYK. I had to face it, my life became miserable in TYK's world. I held on to my faith throughout the years I was there and ultimetly after much prayer and searching for the truth, God made a way for me to get out. I found the strength and courage through Him and left.
For those still there, you know you have had these feelings from time to time. You know that you have witnessed things and heard things from TYK that you know are just plain wrong. Don't fight it, don't justify it. She is truly evil. Look at everything through new eyes and you will see it. It isn't too late to leave. It isn't going to get better next week, next month, next year or ever. Find your true freedom and live the life promised but always unreachable in TYK's world.
Posted On:9/29/2009 11:22am
Style: Jung SuWOn
Thanks for sharing Hyeongsa. As time goes by it gets easier and easier being away from her. Next week it will be 18 years since I left. My biggest hurt was because I loved everyone, including her, but I knew I couldn't stay. Then because she says the word, everyone is against you. So was there really Love? She doesn't even let your feelings be your own. True Love is God, so you chose right.
May I ask how long you have been gone? Or do you not want anyone to know who you are? If so I understand. It is us that are speaking out that can help others question and see if they are really where they want to be. If it is right.
The real deal. No muss, no fuss, just truth
Posted On:9/29/2009 4:06pm
Thanks for sharing your story, Hyeongsa. It is much like mine. I made it to black belt and into COL but never into the "innermost circle" of COL. I thought TYK chose people for this based on merit, but hard work didn't get me anywhere. After a while I had to admit to myself that the real ticket in was unquestioning obedience. After reading all the Bullshido posts, I'm glad I wasn't privy to TYK's worst behavior. The instructors are accomplices in some serious abuses.
Last edited by bemused; 9/29/2009 4:16pm at .
Posted On:9/30/2009 4:24pm
Originally Posted by Kathy Kim
My biggest hurt was because I loved everyone, including her, but I knew I couldn't stay. Then because she says the word, everyone is against you.
One way of getting over this is to realize those people never loved you. I ran into the exact same thing as I started falling out of grace in the cult I became involved in. To think for almost 10 years I gave those people most of my free time giving up invitations to go to parties and even dates because I was devoted to the group. That caused me to now be old and still single and with few friends because the people that once liked me gave up on me. But it was those very people I thought were my friends that never called me when I was ill, never had time to help me like when I was in an accident, yet they wanted help when they were ill or like when one woman adopted a child from overseas she expected everyone to come over and babysit him because she had no time to raise the child she adopted. These same people have no contact with me since I started wising up and I've been told I am being excluded because I am not following the absolute rules of the fraudulent leader. The sad part is those people I thought were my friends I still care for and its sad to see them giving up all their money and wasting their life playing along with the leader's every ridiculous rule or demand. Oh and btw I discovered my cult leader is friends with TYK or at least was at one time.
Posted On:9/30/2009 5:09pm
Style: Tae Chi
I haven't posted in over a year, but I thought I'd check in today. Hello all! I hope you are well. I am well and happy, and I became an unofficial Grandma a few weeks ago. Not long after I left COL / LWS / JSW I decided that I wanted a relationship (on my terms and with someone I loved, not whom I was told to love). I joined a few on-line relationship sites since I didn't know anyone here on 'The Central Coast'. I met a wonderful man, and we have been together for a little over 3 years. His son and daughter-in-law had a little girl August 22.
We bought a beautiful home last October, coming up on 1 year, now. We have 1/2 acre of oak trees, and we put in a great vegetable garden this summer, and I'm having a great time planting flowers in the front. I also make jewelry and sell on ebay. There is life after COL, and it is a very good life! I appreciate every day, every decision that I make for myself, and not having people reporting what I do or say to someone with absolute authority over my life. I am a much better person now than I was before JSW/COL, much as someone can become much more strong, caring and compassionate after living through a horrible tragedy or war. I still have memories that come back every day, and often think of things I wish I had the courage to say and stand up for while I was there. But my life is happy, and I have no desire to go back to cause anyone any trouble. However, if these posts help even one person to not get sucked in, or to leave, then hurray! And if they help those who have left to move on with their lives, then even better.
Last edited by carson; 9/30/2009 5:44pm at .
Posted On:10/01/2009 10:28am
Hi Carson, nice to hear from you again. I tried to contact you a while back. My hubby and I have friends who live near SLO and we are in the area periodically. It would be fun to catch up. Congratulations on becoming a Grandma, even if unofficially. I'm an aunt, and one of my nephews just had his first birthday.
I continue to post here so that others are forewarned about TYK, and perhaps about cults in general. I'm interested in the psychology of it, having studied psychology before. As an aside, I've been volunteering at a domestic violence agency, and I've found that the dynamics of domestic violence and cults are basically the same.
Life after COL is indeed good. I have a local singer/songwriter thing going in coffeehouses and street fairs. My hubby sings with me. A lot of my friends are also local musicians. I also participate in my hubby's hobbies, which are Egyptology and historic preservation. My hubby just wrote a book, and I'm helping him promote it.
Carson, don't feel bad about what you didn't say while in COL. I sometimes wish I could have told TYK off, but the social structure was such that no one could. Actions speak louder than words, and leaving COL sends a very big message.
Posted On:10/01/2009 11:30am
Congratulations Carson.. I have always said the best thing about being a parent is being a grandparent. So you jugt got right in there. I love babies. My oldest grandbaby is going to be 18 in December. What a joy she has been, plus I have 3 more, each being a joy, even though they are all teenagers. My family and Gods' work is what I love being part of. I have never been happier.
Don't worry about not speaking up, no one would of listened. You would of just been blackballed. I agree with Bemused, people need to know. We went in blind, we were on a fast track of false love and belonging. She has some great ideas but they aren't the truth. There is some underlying way it is just for her. She is the one that will have to answer for her actions.
It is good to see you both doing so well and happy in your lives. Get that baby and love it all you can Carson, they grow right before your eyes, I can't believe mine are all teenagers, it went so fast. They are still the love of my life, but they are a little harder to cradle. They rock grandma in her rocking chair now.
Posted On:10/03/2009 9:25am
Style: My Own Do
Well I guess we all have done well since leaving TYK's sphere of influence. I have been in Italy visiting my family, some of whom I have never met, and seeing all the wonderful things that are in that country. I will continue to travel abroad, perhaps Hungary next year, but in any event, life is good.
I don't think much about that three years with TYK and I haven't had a nightmare about it in a long time either.
I have much more important things to do now, and am involved in many activities, both for my own enjoyment and for service to others.
Sooner or later, COLons will see the light.. They will question what "our purpose" is and where they are going with it and they will leave. They will see TYK for who she is and know they have been following a false prophet.
Posted On:10/06/2009 3:33pm
Hi All, I attended a conference on cults this past weekend and got some additional perspectives on my experience and those of other people. Most of the attendees were former cult members, families of current cult members, or mental health professionals who work with former cult members.
I found myself spending a lot of time talking with the families of current members both in formal discussion groups and informally. I tried to help them make sense of their loved ones' seemingly strange behavior. Most family members panic and try to "talk sense into" the cult member. This doesn't work. Most adults resent receiving unsolicited advice that something is wrong with their chosen lifestyle, and cult members are no exception.
So-called deprogrammings, involving kidnapping, are no longer done, because they can be as traumatic as cult membership itself. What is sometimes done now to try to get people to leave cults is called exit counseling. It is voluntary, although often a cult member is asked to come home for some other reason, because if a cult leader knows that one of their followers has been invited to talk with an exit counselor, they pull out all the stops to prevent this.
But exit counseling is often not possible and sometimes not desirable. I found myself telling families that the best approach is to maintain the relationship, keeping in mind that, "Anything you tell the cult member will get back to the cult leader and could be used against you." The best communications are the simplest. We love you. We miss you. We're here for you if you need us.
I talked with my dad after the conference. He said, "I didn't think you were involved in any felonies, and I had faith that if you were unhappy you would find your way out." He was right on both counts (although at the time neither of us knew I was unwittingly supporting felonies I didn't know about). Such faith is usually justified, because most cult members leave sooner or later.
Articles and Reviews
Tools and Info