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  1. #1

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    Luke Cummo Suspended?

    Luke Cummo Suspended by Ohio Athletic Commission
    by Thomas Gerbilski

    UFC fighter Luke Cummo has been suspended three months for failing a random drug test administered by the Ohio Athletic Commission. The test, conducted after his loss against Luigi Fioravanti at Saturday’s UFC 82 event, showed that Cummo had extremely elevated caffeine levels beyond anything the commission had ever seen before.
    “Normally we don’t pay that much attention to the level of caffeine in a fighter’s blood,” said OAC commissioner Warren Petty. “But Luke Cummo’s readings were off the chart. At first we thought there must be a mistake with the test, but follow ups showed that our original findings were accurate. This guy must have been tripping balls in the Octagon.”
    Athletic Commission standards allow a fighter to have up to 800mg of caffeine in their system. Luke Cummo is said to have over 23,000mg in his system during the post fight test. In his defense, Luke Cummo released the following statement explaining the test results:
    Before the fight I pumped three liters of coffee up my rectum as part of an enema to break up persistent gallstones. Never did I imagine that a procedure I perform on myself regularly would result in my suspension. While I am disappointed at the narrow mindedness of the OAC and it’s inability to recognize the benefits of drinking urine and performing coffee enemas, I accept their ruling.
    Cummo’s agent Ken Pavia was angered to hear the news of his client’s suspension. “It’s terrible, just terrible. No one takes better care of themselves than Luke Cummo. He eats nothing but mud and sticks, for God’s sake. For the OAC to suspend him because he likes to put stuff up his ass is absurd. If they’re going to suspend every fighter who does that, there won’t be anyone left to compete.”
    When asked for his comment on the latest suspension, UFC president Dana White said “He put what up his where? Are you fucking serious???”

    ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

    Oh my...............

  2. #2

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    It's fake.

    Teh real

    Luke posting on his own forum:

    LOL funny story
    FYI I wasn't tested before or after the fight

  3. #3
    Kentucky Fried Chokin's Avatar
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    For a minute I though it could be real, because I remember what nut Cummo was on TUF. Actually I would be surprised to learn he puts all kinds of things up his ass.

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by wingchundo
    It's fake.

    Teh real

    Luke posting on his own forum:
    Oops! My bad! At first it seemed slightly unbelievable, but with the recent plague of fighters getting testing positive for everything under the sun, plus what seemed to be an authentic Dana White quote....oh well, thanks for setting me straight. Could some mod please move this to Duffshido?

  5. #5
    Northeast Anti-Silliness Department Inc. supporting member
    Ke?poFist's Avatar
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    Christ. Thank god this was fake, I was about to bury my head in the sand.
    Knowing is not enough, you must apply...
    ...Willing is not enough you must do
    ~Bruce Lee

  6. #6
    mrblackmagic's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    No kidding. Hunter S. Thompson, may the Valkyrie's feed him steaks, was the last viable journalist/reporter to say "tripping balls" in a serious article.
    Sumus extra manum tuam.

  7. #7
    AeroChica's Avatar
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    Jiu-Jitsu, Muay Thai, BJJ, Judo, MMA and Kids Jiu-Jitsu
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    Quote Originally Posted by wingchundo
    It's fake.
    Fake but funny! I was about to post how odd it was for an athletic commision official to use a term like 'tripping balls'....then I read a little farther. But after the whole Gabe Rudiger fiasco, nothing surprises me anymore.

  8. #8

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    Oh, it's hilarious because it's pretty plausible given what Cummo does in his diet. He is a piss drinker and posted pictures on his website of stones he passed in his ****.

    I love him as a fighter, but he's a weird one.

  9. #9

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    That's some funny $hit.

    Train Hard, Stay Safe,
    Good Luck

  10. #10
    Roidie McDouchebag's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    23,000mg of caffeine would kill several people. 1200mg gave me the worst shits of my life.

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