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  1. Demon Eyes is offline
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    Posted On:
    2/18/2008 2:25pm


     Style: Regretfully, TKD.

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    A bullshido belt ranking system

    So, I have this idea. Maybe we should start assigning belt level rankings to McDojos and Bullshidos. Sort of a parody on the ranking systems found in most martial arts.
    For Instance:


    White Belt: The color that signifies the daily nuisances that people tend to encounter a lot. Signifies the glare on the T.V. Screen or the streak left by deodorant. This belt is awarded to the Mcdojos of minimal crimes. The basics such as high prices, paid belt testing.

    Orange Belt: The color that signifies the obnoxious things in life. Whether it’d be the loud color or the fact that it reminds one of Oompa Loompas. This belt is awarded to those that go one step further in the Mcdojo arena. High prices, paid belt testing, Contracts up the wazoo, Instructors that speak of arts in which they have no experience in (You know the special crapplers who claim to have knowledge of BJJ and the like), and kid friendly. ATA kind of school. http://www.ataonline.com/

    Yellow Belt: The color that signifies that which can irritate a person. The stench of urine or the ring around the bathtub that has never been washed. This belt is awarded to those McDojos that aims at being different but are just stupid. We’re talking the prices, the inarticulate instructors, the “kid friendly” approach to “training,” No Sparring, and last but not least, the first step in bullshido, making up an art style. This belt would be awarded to a school of Purple Dragons level: http://www.purple-dragon.com/


    Green Belt: The color that signifies the gross things in life that give people a need to vomit. We are talking the sight of someone else vomiting or a lightweight first being exposed to scat via 2 girls 1 cup. This is the first realm into the phenomenon known as Bullshido. The arts that practice the arts on how they were originally intended, but this time, with some flavor thrown in. This one will need a compare and contrast.
    Video 1: Aikido - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aicHsMC6rxM Not really all that practical but it has some good philosophy, some degree of physical contact, and is able to present itself as somewhat practical when demonstrated in such a way. Well, more practical then -
    Video 2: Aikido with that extra flavor- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNBEnwGjc4A (yeah, I tried to find the Black and White Demo showcasing the same thing but was unable to find it.) There’s the bullshido mark of approval. The use of “chi” and the belief in “chi” to the point where one barely needs to touch his opponent.

    Brown Belt: The color that signifies all bullshit for what it is; ****. There is no clearer way to present this. Just a healthy hardened pile of ****. This is rewarded to those that claim they know an art and attempt at teaching the art. As well as parade around stating how many “Cage” or “UFC Type” matches that they have won. However, at the same time, not causing damage. What we’re presenting here are the failed attempts at starting ****. Case in point: Ninja Bob: http://www.freewebs.com/ninjabob/index.htm

    2nd Degree Brown Belt (Black Stripe): This belt signifies the moldy ****. The **** liquid ****. The
    **** that gets on everyone’s nerves. This belt is awarded to those create a bullshit art and are able to market it and even have a “5 Minutes of Fame” T.V. clip of it. People such as Dillman - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JM_qg5d1YGI
    And Yanagiryuken - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4NYXlYj28s

    Black Belt – This color signifies death and despair. The belt that represents those with Bullshido levels over 9000. We are talking the whole shi-bang here. Bullshido scam artist who try to market their bullshit in every way possible. We’re talking seminars, T.V. Spots, Film Industry, books, newspaper, and magazine. The kind of guys that must invade every media possible just to regurgitate their ****. As well as have no certifications, no proof, exclaim how they’ve been in hundreds of “Death Matches,” How they belong to a secret organization. The people who have just been watching way too many ninja movies, then attempt to portray themselves as masters, and find an unbelievable amount of success with it. These belts are awarded to true bullshido masters. Masters in the craft of bullshit.
    Ashida Kim - http://www.ashidakim.com/
    Frank Dux - http://www.duxryu.8m.com/

    Now the grading system will be decided through ratings of:
    Prices
    Contracts
    Training Methods
    Certifications
    Media Coverage
    Instructions
    and an overall bullshit factor

    Then whenever we are done rating a certain school or individual in a thread or topic, assign the belt with an Icon of the belt next to the titles of the topics or next to the individuals names. Maybe even make seperate forum sections for each belt ranking. Certainly would make searching through the forums better for those looking for their choice of poision. Hey, want to find a classic case of Mcdojo? Look no further than the Yellow Belt Section. What's that? You want to find and read about someone of unimaginable amount of ****? Then the black belt system is what you need.

    There are a number of uses and just a great parody on a martial art cliche. What do you guys think?
    Last edited by Demon Eyes; 2/18/2008 2:30pm at .
  2. kismasher is offline

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    Posted On:
    2/18/2008 2:26pm

    supporting member
     Style: fitness

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    i think you should fix your fucking font or else buy me a magnifying glass.
  3. Dak is offline

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    Posted On:
    2/18/2008 2:30pm


     Style: Boxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    no how bout not
  4. MrBadGuy is offline
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    Posted On:
    2/18/2008 2:31pm

    supporting member
     Style: Grapplomancer

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Demon eyes
    blah blah blah
    Who are you again?
  5. Mas is offline
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    Posted On:
    2/18/2008 2:36pm


     Style: Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    You've got good ideas, they should hire you at Homeland Security.

    Anything we care about will never be below brown or green so why have orange, yellow, and white at all? Belt system for Bullshido is a cute idea, but in regards to practicality I don't know if it would work.

  6. lionknight is online now
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    Posted On:
    2/18/2008 2:50pm


     Style: Much striking, SAMBO, BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    You put waaaaayyyyy too much thought into that.
  7. Dinosaur AMP is offline

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    Posted On:
    2/18/2008 2:50pm


     Style: Sub Wrestling/boxing/MMA

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    hey BadGuy, how come your wasting precious time replying to posts when you could be adding the next entry to your Bulltwinkies journal. You might be forever fat, but we're starving over here.

    ]Maybe we should start assigning belt level rankings to McDojos and Bullshidos.
    no thanks.

    Orange Belt: The color that signifies the obnoxious things in life. Whether it’d be the loud color or the fact that it reminds one of Oompa Loompas. This belt is awarded to those that go one step further in the Mcdojo arena. High prices, paid belt testing, Contracts up the wazoo, Instructors that speak of arts in which they have no experience in (You know the special crapplers who claim to have knowledge of BJJ and the like), and kid friendly. ATA kind of school.
    I dunno, if there WAS a belt system like you speak of... shouldn't claiming knowledge in martial arts you've never trained in be a little higher on the totem pole than just a measly old orange belt?

    There are a number of uses and just a great parody on a martial art cliche. What do you guys think?
    nope, still not sold.
  8. Jebuyaga is offline

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    Posted On:
    2/18/2008 2:51pm


     

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Cool idea. BTW my neighbour looks EXACTLY like ninja-Bob. Spooky.

    I think any attempt to formalize it will ruin it. Keep it simple. Just introduce the belt thing as a meme. Like LARPing and the word bullshido itself.

    "Let's see, it's got blah, bleh and blurg. I'd say it's a brown belt." Or "it's only got blah? Just a white belt, don't worry about it." Or something along these lines.
  9. kismasher is offline

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    Posted On:
    2/18/2008 2:53pm

    supporting member
     Style: fitness

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by kismasher
    i think you should fix your fucking font or else buy me a magnifying glass.
    Thanks. At least it's readable now.

    This idea fails the cost vs. benefit analysis in my book, but feel free to take on the task if you want to do it.
  10. Purpleskunk is offline

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    Posted On:
    2/18/2008 4:17pm


     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    how about pink belt for every ****** mcdojo n bullshido out there and lets end it with that.
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