Some funny stories I thought I would share

**Merck** · Posted On: 6/15/2008 1:02pm

Here at Ft. Sam Houston, we live in a training enviroment. Which means we have things like curfews and recall formations and, well, bullshit.

But at a safety briefing the other day, hilarity ensued when the company commander said she had a very serious subject she wanted to discuss with us. There had been a Cougar spotted on post, and it was on the loose. All privates were under direction not to try and pet the cougar.

**Wounded Ronin** · Posted On: 6/15/2008 8:07pm

She probably should have been more concerned about people deciding it would be fun to try and shoot the cougar.

**SgtDutch** · Posted On: 6/17/2008 2:19pm

I have a story that isn't really funny, but to this day really pisses me off. We had a group of Marines go for NJP for underage drinking, as well as the NCO that they were drinking with. They all get maxed out, and the NCO gets lectured and yelled at, by the squadron commander before getting maxed out (loss of rank, forfeiture of pay, and restriction, ect.). That's not the screwed up part, the NCO finally gets his stripes back and the CO asks him to help out at a graduation party (HS) for his daughter. The daughter comes up to him and asks him for some type of alcoholic beverage. Knowing she is underage he refuses, the CO comes up to him and tells him to give her the drink (saying it was a special occasion or something). Unbelievable....
I believe that my NCO friend told him to pour it himself, and left the party.

The whole situation was fucked up, from the begining, but that is another story...

**SgtDutch** · Posted On: 6/17/2008 2:46pm

Reading the other stories on this thread, makes me wish that I had spent more time on the ground side. We once got a squadron "ass chewing" (read as "a firm talking to") when we sent a FNG looking for HMMWV keys. In the OP there was reference to a Sgt kicking a soldier in the chest for not doing pushups correctly, while I find this acceptable, he would not have been a Sgt any more, where I spent most of my career. Matter of fact the only time that I can remember our section head getting pissed off and deciding to take out his frustrations physically was a 6 mile run passing a 2 liter bottle filled with mud. While only 3 of us made it, still a far cry from some of these other stories.

...then again I am kind of glad that most of the people that I ran into during my time in the service were decent individuals.

**Vorpal** · Posted On: 6/17/2008 3:28pm

I had a supervisor in Korea who had been stationed there before. He gets a call to a domestic dispute downtown. It seems an Airman's Korean bride found out he was running around on her so she tied him to the bed when he was sleeping an beat the life out of him with a baseball bat when he woke up. Broken ribs, legs, arms.... the guy gets medevaced to the States. She's his dependent spouse so she follows and they reconcile during his recovery, true love reigns. My future supervisor rotates back to the States and then later, back to Korea. He gets called to a domestic downtown, same guy, same girl, he's tied to the bed again and she's holding a bloody baseball bat. He said it was like being on the Twilight Zone.

I have so many stories from 21 years. Two of my troops go to Italy as part of Operation Deny Flight. One goes out and gets drunk, goes back to the hotel and mistakes his sleeping buddies head for the toilet. Violence ensues but the pisser outwieghs the pissee by 50 lbs so the pissee gets thrown through a wall. (I've got a couple of roommate stories with slight variations concerning the type of body fluid and the placement therof).

I had a troop who would make love to two pieces of liver stuffed into a plastic lined hole in his mattress.

I had one who was left in charge of the correctional custody facility who thought it would be a great idea to take the prisoners to the mall and Six Flags and have underage girls into the facilty for parties with alcohol and nudity. And videotaped it.

We caught a Marine in Panama having sex with a local girl on the altar in the Chapel (the 0-6 Chaplain was not amused).
(One of our guys later married this young lady, what a catch)

One of the guys in my unit had to go to the clinic at three in the morning to have six inches of broomstick removed from a sensitive area where his girlfriend had lodged it in him.

I could go on for days.

**Colby** · Posted On: 6/17/2008 4:54pm

Originally Posted by Vorpal

I had a supervisor in Korea who had been stationed there before. He gets a call to a domestic dispute downtown. It seems an Airman's Korean bride found out he was running around on her so she tied him to the bed when he was sleeping an beat the life out of him with a baseball bat when he woke up.

(I've got a couple of roommate stories with slight variations concerning the type of body fluid and the placement therof).

We caught a Marine in Panama having sex with a local girl on the altar in the Chapel (the 0-6 Chaplain was not amused).
(One of our guys later married this young lady, what a catch)

1. Korean females are usually bad news.

2. There was a guy in my infantry platoon that we named "Leaky" because anytime he drank, he was gonna end up pissing on somebody or something.

3. The only thing that could possibly make this story better is if a midget or a nun was somehow involved, or maybe a midget nun?