Some funny stories I thought I would share

**vigilus** · Posted On: 2/01/2008 9:58am

I think Cracky means he would just say go **** your hat put me in jail. I see where he's coming from that snow removal **** is brutal.

Incidently how bad are US prisons?
In Canada we have one military prison. I guess they have about a .003% reoccurance (that the right word?) rate.

You need to earn points to speak, take an apply and apply boot polish to it until the apple petrifies.
They can feed you bread and water for 3 days, on the 4th day you get a hot meal, then they can feed you bread and water for 3 days again and that cycle continues until they tell you to stop.
Some crazy stories coming out of there.

**Roidie McDouchebag** · Posted On: 2/01/2008 11:30am

GS has it right. I'd just say "Dishourably discharge me or throw me in jail, I'm not doing this ****." or even better, I would expose myself to/proposition every superior officer I could before they shuttled me off (and by this, I mean run around the base with my wang flopping in the wind) and just act totally batshit insane. Maybe I'd go to a psychiatric jail instead. :)

**Don Gwinn** · Posted On: 2/01/2008 2:01pm

In the U.S. Army they'd put you in Leavenworth just for the way you spell "labor" and "dishonorably."
You've been strangely lucid and conversational lately, Cracky. Are you quite yourself?

**Teh El Macho** · Posted On: 2/01/2008 2:43pm

I just read the OP's stories, and all I can say is hooooooooooooly ****!

**Goju - Joe** · Posted On: 2/01/2008 3:46pm

Originally Posted by Cracky McSlugHoot

GS has it right. I'd just say "Dishourably discharge me or throw me in jail, I'm not doing this ****." or even better, I would expose myself to/proposition every superior officer I could before they shuttled me off (and by this, I mean run around the base with my wang flopping in the wind) and just act totally batshit insane. Maybe I'd go to a psychiatric jail instead. :)

I am pretty sure going to jail as a pedo-sexoffender, which is what you are for showing a pic of your wang to a 14 year old is actually a worse experience than shoveling snow.

**Colby** · Posted On: 2/01/2008 4:17pm

We didn't have anybody quite that bad in my old infantry platoon (Dragons Plt). We did have one fat, belligerent asshole though that was constantly getting put on weight restriction. We got pumped to Pickle Meadows for some mountain warfare training, and he got stuck doing chow hall duty for a week. The idiot must've been living on the bread pudding in the chow hall because he gained about 10 pounds in one week. Then, because he gained weight when given a direct order not to, he got to burn everybody's crap in 55-gallon drum with a stick and some diesel fuel for the rest of the time we were there (apparently you can't just go crap in the woods there----you have to crap in a baggy, and then some lucky soul gets to seperate the toilet paper from the feces and then burn it).

Since I was his gun team leader, I had to go check on this idiot. He told me to tell the SSgt to "go f*ck himself". I asked him, "are you sure you want me to tell him that?" He said yes, so I did. The fat tub of goo was booted out of the military about a month later. They took all of his **** away from him, and the MPs dropped him off at the nearest gate.

I also used to be one of the chasers for my Co. and had to go pick and drop off guys at the brig. They'd just get tired of being grunts and would fail piss tests on purpose just so they could get booted out.

I never saw anybody have an accidental discharge. I did see a guy fall off a repel tower once though. Instant funky chicken when he hit the ground.

**Roidie McDouchebag** · Posted On: 2/01/2008 4:26pm

In the U.S. Army they'd put you in Leavenworth just for the way you spell "labor" and "dishonorably."
You've been strangely lucid and conversational lately, Cracky. Are you quite yourself?

I quit smoking cigarettes and dramatically reduced my weed smoking. I feel better. Less intellectually lazy, but slightly more assholish. You call this lucid, because it means I agree with you more. It's like...I want to be tolerant of idiocy, but I just can't. It pisses me off now.

Argh! Liberal...ideas...dying slow death...heart bleeds no longer...violins stopping...AGH!

**SFGOON** · Posted On: 2/01/2008 8:49pm

Dude, where the **** are you posted? Based on the high level of jackassery I'm guessing you're at a mech unit? God I fucking hated Riley.

No - wait, you're at Carson aren't you?

God fucking damn. The Army sure has gone to ratshit since I left. I think we all know why, too....

**Yrkoon9** · Posted On: 2/01/2008 9:16pm

Fort Wainwright.

SBCT. 25th ID. Supposed to be light infantry. But they are all just a bunch of trunk monkeys now.

And I think much of our madness has to do with the environment. Something about the seasonal darkness combined with nothing to do. But I know for a fact the Army has had fuckups in every company since the dawn of time.

**bad credit** · Posted On: 2/02/2008 6:44am

I'm kinda confused about the almost-pedo snow shoveller. Is the ice duty his only punishment, or is he facing civilian charges, too? Or is he taking this punishment to avoid getting a BCD or Leavenworth? I think it's kinda screwed they're letting him stay in the military.