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  1. nightowl is offline
    nightowl's Avatar

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
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    Far East
    Posts
    1,211

    Posted On:
    4/06/2008 12:45pm


     Style: Koryu Budo, Shooto

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by MrBadGuy
    Shotokan Karate Part 3: Promotion time

    The days slowly (and painfully) pass by. I go to each class, practice the kata, maybe do a few techniques, then go home. There's no sparring, no partner drills, no application of anything. To make things worse, I'm the oldest person under 40, so it's a very boring class. The hottest chick in there is an AARP card carrying japanese woman, and the 2nd hottest chick is 12 years old (she wins by default, there aren't any other women there). As for people who I could spar with...the closest thing is a morbidly obese 13 year old boy, or a morbidly obese 12 year old boy. My options are unlimited.

    After about two months, the first test hits us. The test for yellowbelt; sensei get's us prepared by handing us testing sheets. He tells us to know everything on the sheet for the test; I remember back to my Kuk Sool Won days and felt a little disappointed. I thought tests were supposed to be surprising in what you were tested over; I guess I was wrong.


    He tells us to line up, and I smile at my little brother. Unlike myself, he is completely freaked out about not making the test. Sensei immediately yells a kiah of disapproval.

    "No smilling in my dojo! I hate smilling in my dojo, it meand yuh are not serrus! It meand yuh are weak! No smilling!"

    Rage boils within me.

    He lets us study the sheets before the test and practice some.

    My brother and I study the sheet, and get ready. The test is the sheet and only the sheet. At the end of stand alone techniques (blocks and kicks), we get graded on forms. It goes downward in belt rank, so the black belts go first. I don't know what they're being tested on, but they're testing for something.

    First up is 12 year old black belt girl. She does some kind of...questionable form, where I don't exactly see what the point of it is (Jyon, or Jion, however the hell it's spelled). It involves lots of hopping about, making almost snake style kung fu hand strikes, going up on one leg, and more retardedness. On top of the pure sillyness, her technique is unimpressive. She punches, but she doesn't punch hard. Just kind of like she's going through the motion; her punches don't look like they could hurt a hemopheliac baby that had just suffered from falling off of its motorcycle. In fact, all of her strikes just look like she's regularly moving through some molasses.

    Next up is bowl cut. Sensei nods to us and says "He hazh gud techinickie".

    His form at least defines the punches, but it looks like no one is punching as if they were trying to punch someone. Another unimpressive performance.

    One by one, everyone in the known universe performs until it's my brother's and I turn. We rock the hell out of that joint; we punch to kill, we block to stop, we kick to abort children. Sensei lines us all up, and asks some of the random people in the audience (i.e., parents) to judge who they thought did the best.

    Some of the parents start to point to me, when sensei says, "I tot she did the best." and points at the 12 year old. All the parents reluctantly agree. She steps out of the line.

    What the hell? If anything, she did the worst. Normally I'd fly into a furious rage, but I feel unattached. I want to just get the year over with, and I don't really care.

    Sensei asks the parents who did second best. The parents actually point at me this time, but then sensei says "I tot he did the best." and points at his other black belt. He steps out of the line.

    God damn it, this is bull crap. I'm better than all the bastards in here, probably including sensei, at their own game. I know for a fact I could beat up sensei, and as for children, I could probably fight all the kids at once. I had heard the tireless mantra of "Not all good fighters are good teacher, and not all good teachers are good fighters", but that would not save sensei. Even factoring that into things, I wasn't satisfied. I wanted sparring. I wanted my retribution for this kata bullshit.

    The more and more I went to this school, the more I wanted to beat the crap out of everyone in it. Why are 7 year olds correcting my punching form, when they have their thumb pointing straight out and their wrist bent backwards, AND SENSEI AGREES?!

    The true boiling point comes when the "correction" part of the test comes. This is when the black belts and sensei give you tips on your forms. Sensei tells me that I need more hip action in his garbled english. The 12 year old girl tells me I need more power. More power?! I nearly lose it at this point. For her, the Queen of silly putty arms, to tell me to punch harder, it just snaps something in my brain. Bowl cut says something, but I'm not paying attention. This school is stupid. Everything is stupid. I'm stuck here for a year. I'll show them during sparring. I'll bide my time, take their bullshit advice, and then I'll molest them.

    How sweet it will be.

    Shotokan Karate Part 4: How sweet it is
    Please let there be a drunken kung fu beatdown.....:toothy3:
  2. Kid Miracleman is offline
    Kid Miracleman's Avatar

    Rowsdower!

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    Jan 2007
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    Parts Unknown!
    Posts
    3,249

    Posted On:
    4/06/2008 12:48pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: On Hiatus

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    A krotty school with 40-something-year-old Japanese MILFs?

    Sign me up!
  3. Kid Miracleman is offline
    Kid Miracleman's Avatar

    Rowsdower!

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Parts Unknown!
    Posts
    3,249

    Posted On:
    4/06/2008 12:53pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: On Hiatus

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by nightowl
    That would explain a lot of things.
    Ahahahahahahahahaha SHUT UP.
  4. Rivington is offline
    Rivington's Avatar

    Senior Member

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    Jun 2007
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    East Bay, CA
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    4,733

    Posted On:
    4/06/2008 2:21pm

    supporting member
     Style: Taijiquan/Shuai-Chiao/BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by MrBadGuy
    Now now, a woman doesn't just give it all away.
    Don't make us get you drunk and moisten your groin area.
  5. SFGOON is offline
    SFGOON's Avatar

    and humble, too!

    Join Date
    Nov 2005
    Location
    Seattle, WA
    Posts
    2,208

    Posted On:
    4/06/2008 2:22pm


     Style: Systema, BJJ, Arrestling

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    You can't allude to the kind of sit you're alluding to and expect s to wait patiently for the next post. Please don't dealy too long.
    Quote Originally Posted by Cullion
    You sound like a foaming-at-the-mouth-loon out of Dr. Strangelove.
    Sometimes, we put Ricin in the Cocaine. :ninja7:
  6. FriendlyFire is offline

    Registered Member

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    Dec 2007
    Location
    Louisiana
    Posts
    146

    Posted On:
    4/06/2008 8:01pm


     Style: Boxing/MMA (Ex. Shotokan)

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Assuming you don't throw us all off with "We never sparred" or something like that, it sounds like the next post will be incredibly epic.
  7. ronaldk is offline

    Registered Member

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    Nov 2006
    Location
    santo domingo, dominican republic
    Posts
    961

    Posted On:
    4/06/2008 9:30pm


     Style: BJJ / freestyle wrestling

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by FriendlyFire
    Assuming you don't throw us all off with "We never sparred" or something like that, it sounds like the next post will be incredibly epic.
    a fraud like that would result in capital punishment.
  8. tharuz is offline
    tharuz's Avatar

    Troll 4 life.

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Location
    Behind you
    Posts
    1,486

    Posted On:
    4/07/2008 12:24am


     Style: None.

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    hey mrbadguy! what boxing school do you go to?
  9. MrBadGuy is offline
    MrBadGuy's Avatar

    King of the Impossible

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    Oct 2007
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    Seven Seas of Rhye
    Posts
    2,902

    Posted On:
    4/07/2008 12:49am

    supporting member
     Style: Grapplomancer

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    West End Boxing, off of West Little York. It's a sexalicious school, that I have fallen deeply in love with.
  10. Kikuchiyo is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2008
    Posts
    112

    Posted On:
    4/07/2008 12:53am


     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    So, are you still planning on skipping out on Muay Thai?

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