223538 Bullies, 3769 online  
  • Register
Our Sponsors:

Results 281 to 290 of 869
Page 29 of 87 FirstFirst ... 192526272829 303132333979 ... LastLast
Sponsored Links Spacer Image
  1. LThornton is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2007
    Location
    Alaska
    Posts
    374

    Posted On:
    2/19/2008 1:26pm


     Style: JJJ/TSD/MT/BJJ/TLA

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by MrBadGuy
    Dear readers,

    I have contracted some form of devil disease. Things are shooting out of both my mouth and ass, I ache all over, and my fever periodically induces delirium. In these few minutes of clarity brought on by ibuprofin I figured I should warn you all that, untill I over come this, there won't be any posts. I think I'm at the height of demonification, so may expect something in a day or two.
    Having spent basically all of yesterday in the same state, my sympathy is pretty much limitless.
  2. ronaldk is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    santo domingo, dominican republic
    Posts
    961

    Posted On:
    2/19/2008 1:36pm


     Style: BJJ / freestyle wrestling

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by MrBadGuy
    Dear readers,

    I have contracted some form of devil disease. Things are shooting out of both my mouth and ass, I ache all over, and my fever periodically induces delirium. In these few minutes of clarity brought on by ibuprofin I figured I should warn you all that, untill I over come this, there won't be any posts. I think I'm at the height of demonification, so may expect something in a day or two.
    i think it's time for some Creative Writing 101: Wiriting Under Demonic Influences.

    the results can only be fantastic.
  3. MrBadGuy is offline
    MrBadGuy's Avatar

    King of the Impossible

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Seven Seas of Rhye
    Posts
    2,902

    Posted On:
    2/19/2008 9:26pm

    supporting member
     Style: Grapplomancer

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Shaolin Kung Fu Part 5: The end

    I'm excited for the "surprise" this class. I talk to Asian guy while I stretch, getting ready for class. I see Mop Top drive up. Wait, Mop Top drives? I ask Asian guy how old he is; I had assumed he was 13 due to his short stature and small frame. In reality, the guy is my age. This means he went from unpunchable, to very punchable. I'm not going to take any more crap from him, because if he is as old as I am, I won't feel guilty beating him up.

    Class starts. Sifu walks in, and tells us that we are priviliged to be learning....

    Weapons!

    Wait, what?

    Yes, we had come full circle. We were starting staff forms. Woop de doo. I follow through the motions, praying after we finish these staff forms, we can go on to hand forms.

    These staff forms are, to be frank, crappy. I had taken real staff at the old Shaolin school, and even comparing the flowery staff form with little combat application to this....well, this would get it's ass kicked. Honestly, there is no practical way to use this staff form. It is worthless.

    After a few weeks, and a belt test later, I'm starting to feel pain in my pockets. The instructor doesn't allow any outside equipment; I had to buy a new staff for 30 bucks, and the belt tests are 80. Not only that, but both my brother and I are enrolled, so we're paying this twice. Seriously, he's killing us.

    He tells us as class is beginning that we're done with staff. I almost jump for joy, hoping now we'll really get to the heart of kung fu.

    No, instead we're doing broadsword. Blegh. Not only that, but I recognize the form we're doing as the child compulsory form from my other school. Lame. I also have to buy a sword, since I never did at the old Shaolin place, which is 60 bucks. Ouch.

    Weeks pass, and Sifu tells me I should buy some Double Hook Tiger Swords. I sigh, and ask how much. 100 dollars.

    No thanks, sifu.

    I buy them online for 40 dollars; out of curiosity, I look at the other weapons I have bought. Wow, I really have been over paying. What drives the nail through my miserly heart is when I'm walking out of class, I hear two crap faces (I say crapfaces because they're assholes) talking:

    "OMG (He actually says the letters o m g), I can't believe he wants us to buy some more weapons."

    "Well, the man has to get paid."

    Hold on. What the hell did you just say? Sifu drives a BMW; he isn't starving, he isn't about to go under. The man is making a pretty penny off of tuition and belt tests, and a killing off of weapons. For this jerk off to say sifu needz to get paid makes me think he needz to get punched in the nut sack.

    I finally get my double hook swords in the mail and bring them to class. The problem is I'm the only person with them.

    Sifu takes me to the side an says, "Well, no one else has bought the swords, so until they do, I'm going to wait on teaching the form."

    God fucking damn it sifu, you're killing me. My mom is already yelling at me every day for the money I'm sinking into his crap hole, but on top of that, you aren't teaching me jackidy crappidy. Your staff form sucks, your sword form is for children, and quite frankly, your empty hand forms are lackluster at best. I'm honestly pissed off.

    But this isn't the straw that broke the camels back.

    I show up to class the next day, and Mop Top is giving me the stink eye as usual. I don't really care again. Class continues, and he scoffs when I perform my form. My technique is FLAWLESS, I've got this down. For him to scoff, well, them's fightin words.

    Class ends. He parked next to me in the parking lot, and as we both go to our cars, I hear him say something.

    "Pardon?"

    "I said I still don't know why he gave you a black shirt; you aren't that great."

    Oh, it's on.

    I walk around my car, and he bows up. It's laughable really, since he's stick and skin. He goes to bump my chest, but I pin him against his own car with my chest.

    "Look, I don't know what your problem is, but you don't want to do this. You will be sorry if you do this."

    He sits there quietly, wide eyed. I guess he never expected anyone to call him on his bull crap. I'll be damned if I get bullied by some bastage who my little brother could take.

    "Are we square?"

    He nods.

    I get in my car, and leave. He is still leaning against his car where I had pinned him.

    Next class, he says nothing, doesn't stink eye me; doesn't even make eye contact. This is better.

    We go through the warm up as usual; jump as high as you can, land on one leg. Take a running start, jump up high, land on one leg. Take a running start, jump up high, land on one


    OH MY FUCKING GOD JESUS CHRIST MY ANKLE


    Yes, I had landed strangely, such that the side of my ankle was now touching the ground. Besides the excruciating pain, as I sat there, all I could think was how much I hated this place. I hated the people in it, I hated the shitty weapon forms, I hated the shitty empty hand forms, I hated the shitty instructor, I hated the lack of sparring, I hated the lack of exercise. I knew at that point I was never coming back to this god forsaken place.

    I limped out; my little brother had decided not to come that day. No one helps me.

    My mom drives me to the ER, and it turns out I have a hairline fracture somewhere in my ankle. It takes time to heal. I'm bored out of my mind most of the time, because there's nothing to do when your ankle is boned.

    My friend tells me to read, "The Tao of Jeet Kune Do." Says it changed his life. He lets me borrow his copy, and I read it. Quite frankly, I'm unimpressed. Use what works? Really? I'd have never guessed.

    He then lets me borrow his copy of "Book of the 5 Rings". This has a more profound effect on me.

    In fact, one line in particular.

    The line suggests that, with enough discipline, one can teach themselves. Not only that, but they can even surpass those that learn from teachers.

    I decide that while my ankle is screwed, and for a few months thereafter, that I am going to teach myself what I wanted. Screw having to get what I could in these crappy B-rate schools; I was going to take what I wanted, take the knowledge, and become a kung fu master.


    Next time, Self Taught Part One: Wing chun
  4. Kentucky Fried Chokin is offline
    Kentucky Fried Chokin's Avatar

    Portrait of a BJJer as a Young Man

    Join Date
    May 2007
    Location
    Seattle, WA
    Posts
    5,450

    Posted On:
    2/19/2008 9:38pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    "jackidy crappidy", priceless.

    Just when I think you can't sink any lower, you try to teach youself Wing Chun.
  5. Kid Miracleman is offline
    Kid Miracleman's Avatar

    Rowsdower!

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Parts Unknown!
    Posts
    3,249

    Posted On:
    2/19/2008 9:42pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: On Hiatus

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    "Self-taught?" Oh dear.

    I'm looking forward to this.
  6. Rivington is offline
    Rivington's Avatar

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    East Bay, CA
    Posts
    4,733

    Posted On:
    2/19/2008 9:49pm

    supporting member
     Style: Taijiquan/Shuai-Chiao/BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by MrBadGuy
    Next time, Self Taught Part One: Wing chun
    If you didn't exist, we'd have to create you.
  7. MrBadGuy is offline
    MrBadGuy's Avatar

    King of the Impossible

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Seven Seas of Rhye
    Posts
    2,902

    Posted On:
    2/19/2008 9:51pm

    supporting member
     Style: Grapplomancer

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    What's sad is, "Self Taught" is going to have many, many, many parts =(
  8. Kid Miracleman is offline
    Kid Miracleman's Avatar

    Rowsdower!

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Parts Unknown!
    Posts
    3,249

    Posted On:
    2/19/2008 10:02pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: On Hiatus

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Maybe MrBadGuy should consider publishing his collected works in a single volume through Paladin Press.

    I'm sure it would sell at least twice as many copies as "Street Sword."
  9. ronaldk is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Nov 2006
    Location
    santo domingo, dominican republic
    Posts
    961

    Posted On:
    2/19/2008 10:05pm


     Style: BJJ / freestyle wrestling

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    this chapter was like Matrix Reloaded.

    you thought something huge was going to happen, but... not really (i really wanted you to RNC mop top).

    nevertheless, it is good, and has you salivating for the next installment.
  10. MrBadGuy is offline
    MrBadGuy's Avatar

    King of the Impossible

    Join Date
    Oct 2007
    Location
    Seven Seas of Rhye
    Posts
    2,902

    Posted On:
    2/19/2008 10:07pm

    supporting member
     Style: Grapplomancer

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I was thinking about publishing some stuff.

    I have another set of stories about things that I've seen on public transportation. These things are traumatizing, but I'll give you guys the rundown:

    A man with staph infection, giant boil on his neck. He pops it; digusting. HE EATS IT.

    A man that takes a dump on the bus.

    A 300 pound lady who gets on the bus, strips, and pretends like nothing has happened.

    A man who pissed on a newspaper and set it next to me.

    And many, many more hilarious stories. Maybe after I finish forever fat, I'll start posting my bum stories. They were written a while back, but they are still both shocking and (to me, atleast) hilarious.

Bookmarks

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Powered by vBulletin™© contact@vbulletin.com vBulletin Solutions, Inc. 2011 All rights reserved.