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  1. #1

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Do the most “peaceful” martial arts always have the biggest cockbags?

    Prior to MMA I used to be a big internet Aikido guy, posting on Aikido forums and enthusiastically discussing deep O-Sensei quotes. Over a period of time in no particular order, I put together a small FAQ of some common questions and responses inspired by actual Aikioka online. It's kinda something that would probably keep growing, depending on how many things come back to me as I sober up.

    Question: Is MMA considered true martial arts?


    Bullshidoka: Short answer: No. True modern Bujutsu lies in the way of the M16 and heavy bombers. What is the point in playing “full contact jujutsu” if it is much easier to stab or shoot somebody? Or unload a tank shell on them? Aikido is a way of higher consciousness, through energy redirection and Japanese. Remember: If it doesn’t end with “do”, it won’t “do” on the street.

    Question: I heard full-contact sparring develops improved conditioning and endurance?

    Bullshidoka: This piece of information is well known to be false. What these people who practice UFC cage fighting don’t realize is that punches and kicks only work when there is a cage nearby. Sometimes it works when there are ropes nearby too. In the real world, we have eye-gouge sparring. That is what we should be training. It is a good idea to practice 100 eye gouges a day, from various positions, on each eye. This will help condition your eyes, improve your vision, and enlighten you through Japanese philosophy.

    Question: Can my sensei handle a UFC cage fighter who trains for the ring?

    Bullshidoka: Short answer: Yes. It is known Ultimate Fighters put too much weight behind their strikes, making it very easy to throw them.


    Question: Is tea ceremony similar to weight lifting? Which one should I spend time doing to improve my Budo skills?

    Bullshidoka: Aikido is an art that is separate from the physical world. Bulky muscles will only drain your aiki energy. If one wants to be only muscular, one can simply take steroids. Tea ceremony on the other hand will open up your soul. It is an art. Like Aikido, and fine painting, and lots of marijuana.

    Question: I have these friends who train some form jujutsu from this Mexican country, and they also do something like kickboxing, only it’s asian kickboxing and they say it’s a lot of fun, even though I advise them to train for knives, guns, and Panzer tanks. Is this real self defense?

    Bullshidoka: No. Not Very often do assailants “tap gloves” with you on the streets. If someone gives you problems on the street, it means they are in a gang, and probably carrying a knife and an M16. Performing an armbar while you are being riddled with bullets is predicated to be scientifically hard.

    Your friends don’t realize that the key to defending yourself on the street is a sense of paranoia. Everyone and everything is out to get you. If they do not train with this mindset, they will not develop the skills needed to survive even their local shopping mall, where Walmart rape has been on the rise since 2003. I would recommend the repetition of 100 eye gouges, on each side.

    Question: Is it possible to train in mixed martial arts and still be a good martial artist?

    Bullshidoka: No. It is impossible to simultaneously train in more than one art. Any attempt to do so will lead to failure in all arts. One must focus on one art, and upon mastering it, move on to another. Only this way could legendary warriors master Karate, Taekwondo, Judo and calligraphy. That is a true mixing of martial arts. Not the ultimate cage fighting championship sport you may see on pay-per-view or YouTube.
    Last edited by Aikicat; 1/18/2008 10:25pm at .

  2. #2

    Join Date
    Dec 2002
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    Australia
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I sincerely hope the majority of that was satire.
    What am I?:

    I am ignorant, thieving, lying, hypocrital, violent and thoroughly self obssessed. I steal from others to make myself look better, only to make the item or information worse.

    I go on and on and ON about how brave and strong and brilliant and wealthy I am, but in the end I'm all mouth and no trousers.

    That's right children, I'm your average AMERICUNT! and I exemplify AMERICA!:911flag:

    :occasion1

    JohnnyCache's "retort" proving how much he knows about medicine and geography and First World countries:
    http://www.bullshido.net/forums/show...=78188&page=22

    Yes, through persistent lack of work and the cultivation of ignorance, he is a true American.

  3. #3
    The Question's Avatar
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    Mar 2007
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    So, OP. You've decided to consolidate all the cliched answers that people have been known to give?

    Would be good if motherfuckers didn't do it every other week.

  4. #4

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    kind of a gay thread title...:gaygay::jerkit2yf

  5. #5

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Angry_Spastic
    I sincerely hope the majority of that was satire.
    I sincerely hope the majority of your post concerning the satirical nature of the original post was satire.

  6. #6
    G-Off's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Hilarious. A+, sir.

    And to answer the question the topic title poses, I'd say "yes." It's the smug certainty that comes from believing absolutely in your art being infallible, and having no opportunity to ever be proven wrong combined with the higher moral ground of defeating someone without harming them and belief that you yourself are a special super-human being capable of using chi energy far beyond the realm of ordinary human consciousness.

    I think actually part of it is that personally, I love seeing a humble technician defeat a cocky brawler that relies on brute strength any day. It's why I (and plenty of other MMA fans on the Sherdog forums) love seeing Melvin Guillard and Tito lose, and Machida and GSP win. "Non-violent" art forms just seem to take this a step further, which is why they have any appeal at all. But by moving from "technique > brute strength" to "magical superhuman powers > legitimately evolved fighting," they just move into LARP jackassery.

  7. #7

    Join Date
    Oct 2006
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    Philly
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    WTF....?

    But his style field!?!?

  8. #8

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    Jul 2006
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    Israel, TA area
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Aikicat


    Bullshidoka: Short answer: No. True modern Bujutsu lies in the way of the M16 and heavy bombers.
    QFT (hey jerky! the message you wrote is too short! pleaselengthen your post to at least 5 characters or DIE)

  9. #9

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    271
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    There is a multitude of killer one-liners in that post that I, the laughter stricken pest, will certainly put to good use :D Well done!

  10. #10
    Jadonblade's Avatar
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    Sep 2007
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    england
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Wheres this forum...

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