1/11/2008 4:15pm, #1
MTV is shooting an episode of Made at my gym tonight.
I've never heard of Made, don't watch TV, specifically make a point not to watch MTV. But that didn't stop me from being on TRL for their special commemorative 9/11 episode with hot special guest star RAVEN SIMONE, and it won't stop me from being any less of a dick today. Details are sketchy, but apparently Made is about MTV transforming a frail, gangly nerd into a pro-wrestler, and the best way to start would be to teach him some functional Judo throws at a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu school.
You may see some problems with this. Just roll with it.
Now, this was announced at several classes this week to almost universal enthusiasm, so naturally we're predicting an absurdly high turnout for this evening. And because I spend so much time associating with humans and like to think I've got a fairly decent grip on their nature, I know this evening's classes are going to degenerate into a lot of passive-aggressive "look at me I'm totally not flexing" showboating as Warrior Way's entire student body tries their hardest to act like they don't care if they wind up on TV or not.
I showboat regardless of whether or not cameras are on me, so it's not a big deal. Unlike everyone else, I have no problem admitting I'm shallow enough to want to be on a TV show I would never, ever watch and will do anything to be acknowledged.
The problem here is that we're talking MTV, not Ingmar Bergman, so odds are no shot is going to last longer than 1/24th of a second, there will be at least three filters overlayed, and snazzy hip hop will be blaring in the background.
The conundrum I'm facing here is: how do I get the cameras to pay me as much attention as possible? At first I figured I'd just rap a little, you know, freestyle off in the corner like I do all the time, but then I realized I might get drowned out by the terrible Top 40 radio my gym plays during class. So then I thought about bringing a gun and firing a few shots in the air screaming PAY ATTENTION TO ME, but if even one other person has the same idea it's not going to have the same impact. Then it hit me: Oxen. Bring a whole fucking yoke through the garage doors and corrall them onto the mat. No one can ignore a man with oxen.
I dunno. Anyone have any ideas?Captain's Log: Just a little update for all my TRUE and HONEST friends out there:
1) I am STRAIGHT! I am STRAIGHT! Get it through your thick skulls, numbskulls!
2) My name is not Ian Brandon Something.
3) Kacey is coming with me now. I have stolen her from the other Christian Weston Chandler.
REMINDER: I am still the one and only true creator of sonichu and rosechu electric hedgehog pokemon
1/11/2008 4:19pm, #2
1/11/2008 4:25pm, #3
Just pick up the Pro Wrestler in training, throw him up on your shoulders and helicopter him around the room for like 6 minutes, then dump him and vomit on him. Garaunteed TV time.
1/11/2008 4:29pm, #4
1/11/2008 4:30pm, #5
Originally Posted by Aesopian
- Join Date
- Dec 2005
Instead of your normal training attire, show up in a Speedo thoroughly greased up and shiny then demand to roll with gangly nerd that they're filming.
1/11/2008 4:30pm, #6
I'd say just be as big an asshole as you can possibly be. Loudly proclaim how much the gangly nerd sucks and will never make it. Openly mock and ridicule everything he does. They love that **** on those types of shows, and maybe this behavior will lead to them letting you say a lil' something to the camera. Every good drama needs a smarmy asshole villian and I believe you could fill that role with ease.
Or stab someone in the anus. That'd probably work too.
Now lovely Lucifer, in hell so stark
King, and lord of sin and pride
With some mist his wits make dark.
He send thee grace to be thy guide
HE LOOKS LIKE A TINY BEAR MIXED WITH A CAT, AND THAT IS THE MEANEST ANIMAL MIXTURE EVER, BEAR FOR FUCKING STRENGTH, AND CAT FOR FUCKING MEAN!!! ************.
1/11/2008 4:32pm, #7
whatever you do, please, get him in rear mount and dry hump the **** out him.
then smack him on the ass or something.
1/11/2008 4:38pm, #8
1/11/2008 4:43pm, #9
1/11/2008 4:49pm, #10Originally Posted by Ronin.74"Face punches are an essential character building part of a martial art. You don't truly love your children unless you allow them to get punched in the face." - chi-conspiricy
"When I was a little boy, I had a sailor suit, but it didn't mean I was in the Navy." - Mtripp on the subject of a 5 year old karate black belt
"Without actual qualifications to be a Zen teacher, your instructor is just another roundeye raping Asian culture for a buck." - Errant108
"Seriously, who gives a **** what you or Errant think? You're Asian males, everyone just ignores you, unless you're in a krotty movie." - new2bjj