I aprechiate it and i am aware my spelling and grammer are horiable with out a spell check. If it appeared tht i was becomeing definsive alas i probably was. The advice is still aprechiated.
Just do what the cops over here in NZ are doing: Pick random people and arrest them for "Terrorism"
We had but one funny drill instructor.
Originally Posted by SFGOON
"I'm afraid your dismal display is a portense of things to come in drill performance.
Do you know what a 'portense' is? It's like an Omen! Ever see that movie? It's pretty scary. KIND OF LIKE YOUR PERFORMANCE RIGHT NOW!!!! (to the 'slow' guy)
"You look like 50 pounds of dog food stuffed into a 25 pound bag!!" (to the fat guy)
"What's with your marching?! You look like you're about to bust into a saloon!" (To the bow-legged guy)
"Is there a toddler teething on your weapon?!" (to the guy who forgot his weapon)
"I'll beat you like a baby seal. If you think that's unkind go ahead and call Peta, I'll smoke them too!" (to everyone).
Some from mine:
Originally Posted by Kein Haar
"Oh, we wanna play games? I got more games than Milton Bradley." (prior to smoke session)
"Ma'am, is that your ass in the air durring pushups or did a whale beach itself in my sandpit?" (To fat chick with her ass in the air attempting pushups)
"That one-nut bike fag is still twice the man you can ever aspire to be" (To guy who decided to wear his "live strong" bracelet durring PT)
"Aye Aye sir?!?! Who the helll are you, Captain Crunch? Do I look like Popeye the freakin sailor to you?" (To sailor who slipped up and responded "aye sir")
And the funniest one of all:
"Easy Day people, easy day." (Biggest. Lie. Ever.)
The **** that comes out of those people's mouths...
"Who the **** is you, cockstrong lookin' private?" My DS to me on the first day of training.
"Marchand would eat the asshole out of a pig if it would hold still for it!" Mean DS to the fat kid as he ate his thanksgiving meal.
"Ima - Ima smoke dem mutherfuckin balls privates - smoke them little balls!! Roodie to the toodie, la de DA!" I'm at a loss to explain that one - but it was said.
God I loved every minute of it. Nothing like being terrified for nine weeks with hourly comedy breaks thrown in.
And, of course:
You? EWE? So I'm a fucking sheep now? Because that's what sheep are for, fucking. You want to **** me, don't you Recruit? You're a dirty sheep fucker.
Two of my favorites:
"I'm going rip off your ears, stick them up your rear, so you can hear me kicking your ass!!!" (I don't remember where I got that but I use it often.)
"Why are you looking at me? Do you like me? If so, and I like you then where do we go from here? Kinda awkward. I hate awkward. So we can avoid all that by you not looking at me." (One of our DS deadpans this so well its hilarious.)
Xiao Ao Jiang Hu Zhi Dong Fang Bu Bai (Laughing Proud Warrior Invincible Asia) Dark Emperor of Baji!!!
Didn't anyone ever tell him a fat man could never be a ninja
You can't practice Judo just to win a Judo Match! You practice so that no matter what happens, you can win using Judo!
The key to fighting two men at once is to be much tougher than both of them.
Asia, we actually had a soldier tell the Sr. DS that he did like him and thought he was cute when he got that routine. Made the remaining eleven weeks of OSUT hilarious.
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