Diary of an undergraduate Wing Tsunner aged 18 1/2

**scorchedearth** · Posted On: 10/17/2007 7:33am

It just goes to show you that an Economics student does not necessarily have any business sense.

**RunningDog** · Posted On: 10/17/2007 7:39am

Friday 31 October 1997

Dear Diary

Ughh… I feel awful… I’ve lost half a stone in weight in the last month, and I look all pale and pasty. I went to see the campus doctor and he wasn’t best pleased I’d been living on mostly Economy rice and snakebite, he told me to start eating some meat and vegetables too. Torquil's been locking his food in his cupboard since he caught me stealing a can of Heinz beans to have with my rice, and pushed me over. The twat (his time is coming).
I can’t possibly afford to buy food, and I still have 30kg of rice to get through. But I have a plan – they throw away out-of-date food from the Union shop on a Sunday evening. I’ll just raid the wheelie bins when nobody’s looking! Not that it’s a problem – Shifu says that muscles hold you back in WT, and your power comes from your bones and ligaments. So I won’t eat too much, just the occasional sausage roll should do it.

**Jadonblade** · Posted On: 10/17/2007 10:01am

I resorted to gravy and rice a few times during my uni days.

**Eddie Hardon** · Posted On: 10/17/2007 10:37am

Originally Posted by RunningDog

Friday 31 October 1997

Dear Diary

Ughh… I feel awful… I’ve lost half a stone in weight in the last month, and I look all pale and pasty. I went to see the campus doctor and he wasn’t best pleased I’d been living on mostly Economy rice and snakebite, he told me to start eating some meat and vegetables too. Torquil's been locking his food in his cupboard since he caught me stealing a can of Heinz beans to have with my rice, and pushed me over. The twat (his time is coming).
I can’t possibly afford to buy food, and I still have 30kg of rice to get through. But I have a plan – they throw away out-of-date food from the Union shop on a Sunday evening. I’ll just raid the wheelie bins when nobody’s looking! Not that it’s a problem – Shifu says that muscles hold you back in WT, and your power comes from your bones and ligaments. So I won’t eat too much, just the occasional sausage roll should do it.

Get out of B&Q and into a Butchers. You can eat meat to re-build yourself and all that. Then you can get to practise with cleavers. Think of it as preparation for your Butterfly Knives techniques, (assumes US accent) you'll be todally aWEsome, dude! * clears throat, enough of that*

Torquil will quail at your awesomeness and Harriet will be thine!! And you'll play a blinder in your WT kwoon when weaponing! A no-lose situation.....:headbang:

**golsa** · Posted On: 10/17/2007 10:44am

Originally Posted by RunningDog

Shifu says that muscles hold you back in WT

Love it! Saw a WC instructor harping on about the same thing once - "big arms, like you use in boxing punches, do nothing to punch power! maybe it feels strong to you to move big muscles, but for guy taking punch he feel nothing because bicep is for pulling back!"

**RunningDog** · Posted On: 10/17/2007 11:21am

Originally Posted by golsa

Love it! Saw a WC instructor harping on about the same thing once - "big arms, like you use in boxing punches, do nothing to punch power! maybe it feels strong to you to move big muscles, but for guy taking punch he feel nothing because bicep is for pulling back!"

That's right. It might look like a ridiculous muscle imbalance to you and I - puny bicep and big tricep - but it is what gives the wing chun man his breathtakingly fast hands.

**RunningDog** · Posted On: 10/18/2007 3:45am

Sunday 9 November 1997

Dear Diary

I’m not sure how this new diet is working. I took some Wall’s sausages from the Union wheelie bins and cooked them with my rice last Wednesday. They were only a few days out of date and they were delicious, but my rear end only stopped leaking yesterday evening. I had to miss a few lectures, but there was no way I was going to miss WT©, especially my 4th grade yesterday! It was a bit embarrassing though, while I was doing Blitzdefence™ 4th programme at the grading (using palm strikes to dissolve a rugby tackle) I felt something running down my leg and there was an awful smell. I didn’t tell anyone, I just stuffed my Y-fronts with toilet paper to soak up any more leakage. Luckily Everyone still made the grade!
Do you know what I think diary? I think this was my WT™ trained body rejecting the unnecessary proteins! After all if all my deadly power comes from my elbow bone and tendons, my body is now trained to know that it doesn’t need big muscles like a boxer’s! Especially not biceps that would hold back my punches (after all the biceps make your arm curl- not straighten. It’s scientific, Diary).

But I had a great afternoon after the class. Ravinder Singh, who also got his 4th (I like Ravinder because we talk loads about the Grandmaster when we’re in class) introduced me to his friend Anthony who does Tae Kwon Do. Shifu’s told us loads of times that WingTsun© techniques are much more lethal than sports techniques, because they pull their punches and they’re not accustomed to the WT© DirectAttack™ theory!
In my first private lesson with Shifu the other day (courtesy of Visa, haha), he was teaching me about pre-emptive strikes, and how you just have to viciously attack people in the street if they look like they might be a threat to you at some point in the future. He said if they twitch – go in for the kill!
So anyway Anthony (who’s slightly taller than me but skinnier) wanted a demonstration of WT™. I challenged him to attack me however he wanted – but I warned him that I was a 4th grade! So we stood facing each other (this would never happen in the street) and Anthony started dancing around a bit, then tried to do a high kick, but as soon as he twitched I launched a DirectAttack™! This is where the science of WT® won the day. You see Diary the most direct route between two points is a straight line. So I just charged at Anthony, launching a flurry of chainpunches® at his exposed chest, and boy did it work. He fell over backwards onto the grass, so I followed just like Emin Boztepe did in that video, I crouched down and chainpunched® just near his face. He looked a bit sheepish but he said he’d join up! I didn’t tell him that I had diarrhoea in my shoes.

**Jadonblade** · Posted On: 10/18/2007 5:32am

Shitting yourself must be the best self defense. Especially if you smear it all over you. I know I wouldnt wanna roll with someone like that.

**Eddie Hardon** · Posted On: 10/18/2007 7:35am

Aahhh, it's all so familiar (the out of date food I mean). A colleague was looking decidedly sheepish all day and just slumped in a chair with just a suggestion that he was about to change colour.

"Woss wrong Michael?"
"I had some of those out of date sandwiches and I'm just waiting to Throw Up and then I'll go home".

I'm pleased he suffered because he was an awful, decietful (and very unhygienic) person but you've just been unlucky.

Make sure you clean yourself up all right and use a quality Deodorant. You want Harriet to notice the Good Things, don't you?

**RunningDog** · Posted On: 10/18/2007 7:40am

Originally Posted by Eddie Hardon

Make sure you clean yourself up all right and use a quality Deodorant. You want Harriet to notice the Good Things, don't you?

As long as you're aware you're talking to diary entries from 1997. They cannot respond to your witticisms/retardations. But thank you for your thoughtful contributions.