Diary of an undergraduate Wing Tsunner aged 18 1/2

**RunningDog** · Posted On: 10/16/2007 4:15pm

Originally Posted by scorchedearth

This whole diary sounds patently absurd. It is good for some laughs though. I want to read about Harriet kicking his ass again.

Oh, hi! nice to see you too, Pot. What? what do you mean I'm black? look at yourself in the mirror. Fucking wanker.

Love Kettle.

**Backdraft** · Posted On: 10/16/2007 4:43pm

This is awesome, please continue.

**EternalRage** · Posted On: 10/16/2007 5:09pm

I cringe when I read this because at one time, I believed some of the same stuff. Which only goes to show how much LARPing in teh _un because these accounts are obviously fantasized.

Ah the ignorance of youth!

**RunningDog** · Posted On: 10/16/2007 5:21pm

Sunday 12 October 1997

Dear Diary

What a day I had yesterday. I got my 2nd student grade in WT, which was totally cool. We had to do the whole first form – really nerve racking! I accidentally prayed to Buddha 4 times instead of 3 and Si-Hing Dick (Shifu Lee’s assistant) noticed! Luckily they let me try again. We also did loads of lat-sao®, which is when you stand in meridian stance™ and punch each other’s hands. That way your punches stop a foot away from your partner’s face, and we reduce the risk of killing each other in training. Meridian stance™ is difficult though! You have to have your feet in line, and I keep nearly toppling over. But Shifu says it’s the most powerful and rooted stance. I guess it takes time to become a Kung Fu Master!

However, Diary, the man upstairs gives with one hand and takes away with the other.
I went out with my corridor after I got my grading – we went for snakebite and Hooch at the Union, then on to 70s night at the Ritzy in town (50p a drink!). I was starting to have a good time. I discovered that the Siu Lim Tao contains some great dance moves – I was doing loads of bong sao/tan sao transitions to Sister Sledge and I must have looked brilliant. I also demonstrated some chainpunching™ and a guan sao/upright punch™ combination to James and Harry from Economics. They totally want to join up.
But then… my worst suspicions were confirmed. I saw Harriet snogging Twatface Torquil on the dancefloor. I don’t know what came over me, Hooch and snakebite must be a dangerous combination, because I started Z-stepping® towards them at top speed, then when I was close I started furiously arrow-walking® and throwing deadly chainpunches™ at Torquil’s chest. (when Shifu does this to me I fly across the room!) But unluckily Torquil saw me coming, and he sneakily moved off to the side and punched me on the jaw. I woke up outside the club with the taste of blood in my mouth, my trousers round my ankles and the bouncers standing over me and laughing.

I am going to have to pay Shifu for some private lessons - I need some of the secret moves he talks about. They're £50 an hour or £400 for a pack of 10. I'll have to ask Mother and Father for some more money.

**Askari** · Posted On: 10/16/2007 5:30pm

Originally Posted by RunningDog

I guess it takes time to become a Kung Fu Master!

Brilliant!

**The_Tao** · Posted On: 10/16/2007 5:36pm

wow, I really want to microwave a chunner now.

**kwoww** · Posted On: 10/16/2007 6:14pm

brings the lols

**EternalRage** · Posted On: 10/16/2007 6:22pm

Lol @ the TM's and copyrights

**Eddie Hardon** · Posted On: 10/17/2007 7:16am

Originally Posted by RunningDog

Sunday 12 October 1997

Dear Diary

What a day I had yesterday. I got my 2nd student grade in WT, which was totally cool. We had to do the whole first form – really nerve racking! I accidentally prayed to Buddha 4 times instead of 3 and Si-Hing Dick (Shifu Lee’s assistant) noticed! Luckily they let me try again. We also did loads of lat-sao®, which is when you stand in meridian stance™ and punch each other’s hands. That way your punches stop a foot away from your partner’s face, and we reduce the risk of killing each other in training. Meridian stance™ is difficult though! You have to have your feet in line, and I keep nearly toppling over. But Shifu says it’s the most powerful and rooted stance. I guess it takes time to become a Kung Fu Master!

However, Diary, the man upstairs gives with one hand and takes away with the other.
I went out with my corridor after I got my grading – we went for snakebite and Hooch at the Union, then on to 70s night at the Ritzy in town (50p a drink!). I was starting to have a good time. I discovered that the Siu Lim Tao contains some great dance moves – I was doing loads of bong sao/tan sao transitions to Sister Sledge and I must have looked brilliant. I also demonstrated some chainpunching™ and a guan sao/upright punch™ combination to James and Harry from Economics. They totally want to join up.
But then… my worst suspicions were confirmed. I saw Harriet snogging Twatface Torquil on the dancefloor. I don’t know what came over me, Hooch and snakebite must be a dangerous combination, because I started Z-stepping® towards them at top speed, then when I was close I started furiously arrow-walking® and throwing deadly chainpunches™ at Torquil’s chest. (when Shifu does this to me I fly across the room!) But unluckily Torquil saw me coming, and he sneakily moved off to the side and punched me on the jaw. I woke up outside the club with the taste of blood in my mouth, my trousers round my ankles and the bouncers standing over me and laughing.

I am going to have to pay Shifu for some private lessons - I need some of the secret moves he talks about. They're £50 an hour or £400 for a pack of 10. I'll have to ask Mother and Father for some more money.

£50 per hour or £400 for Ten. It speaks for itself even your Economics student mates can tell you it's more cost effective to go for the 10 pack. It will be, like, todally (US pronounciation) worth it. Just think of the verbal pearls of wisdom he will impart as he's teaching you special stuf f. You know it makes sense.

You'll be bound to Ralph Macchio dear Torquil and win back the likely weak-kneed Harriet.
:thumbsup:
Good Luck

**RunningDog** · Posted On: 10/17/2007 7:30am

Thursday 30 October 1997

Dear Diary

After Mother and Father refused to give me £400 for private lessons with Shifu, I thought I’d better take matters into my own hands. I’ve got a job at the B&Q DIY supercentre just out of town. I don’t like it much – I have to work with lots of common people, and I feel it’s beneath me. But one must make sacrifices if one wants to become a WingTsun© Master. There’s one chap in particular I can’t abide. He’s called Gareth and he’s a shift supervisor, and he keeps calling me “toff” and “college boy”. He wouldn’t be so cocky if he knew I was going to be learning secret fighting techniques from the Chum Kiu and Biu-Tze forms! In fact I think I might have to demonstrate them sometime, if you get my meaning diary!
In the meantime I’ve taken out a credit card to pay for the privates. They take Visa at the Kwoon. I’m a student so Natwest Bank won’t mind if miss payments now and then.

On the plus side I’m a 3rd student grade now, and Shifu told us some amazing stuff in class today!
Apparently the top WingTsun© Grandmaster, Leung Ting, is going to be promoted to an 11th degree Grandmaster! Do you know what that means diary? Here are the titles:

Student grades 1-12
Technician grades 1-4
Practician (master) grades 5-8

Now here’s where it gets cool

9: Man of Arrival (Grandmaster)
10: Master of Comprehension (Grandmaster)
11: Master of Almightiness (Grandmaster)
12: Sage of Philosophy (Posthumous)

Now Grandmaster Kernspecht from Germany is going to become a Master of Comprehension, but Grandmaster Leung Ting from Hong Kong is going to become a Master of Almightiness! That means that the other Grandmasters have decided that nobody in the world can defeat him in a fight! Even though he is a small man in his 50s. If a little old man can be a Master of Almightiness, imagine what a young Economics student could become? I’ll definitely be able to incapacitate Torquil with deadly strikes, that’s for sure.
Shifu also decided we were ready for chi sao training. Chi sao teaches you the softness and sensitivity needed to flow like water around your opponent’s futile flailing! I can’t wait for my water to flow all over Torquil and Gareth from B&Q. When Shifu had done talking, class was almost over so we had no time for actual training, but it was an education I can tell you!

Torquil and Harriet appear to be “an item” as I believe the phrase goes. It won’t last though, Diary. I promise you that. Torquil will feel my deadly fak sao, and Harriet will fall for me.