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  1. RunningDog is offline
    RunningDog's Avatar

    nail conditioning

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    2,301

    Posted On:
    10/16/2007 4:15pm


     Style: Rehab

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by scorchedearth
    This whole diary sounds patently absurd. It is good for some laughs though. I want to read about Harriet kicking his ass again.
    Oh, hi! nice to see you too, Pot. What? what do you mean I'm black? look at yourself in the mirror. Fucking wanker.


    Love Kettle.
    Last edited by RunningDog; 10/16/2007 4:18pm at .
  2. Backdraft is offline

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2006
    Location
    Umeå, Sweden/ Paris, France
    Posts
    1,235

    Posted On:
    10/16/2007 4:43pm


     Style: Shootfighting

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    This is awesome, please continue.
  3. EternalRage is offline
    EternalRage's Avatar

    WARNING: BJJ may cause airway obstruction.

    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Long Island
    Posts
    3,360

    Posted On:
    10/16/2007 5:09pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Bajillion Joo Jizzu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I cringe when I read this because at one time, I believed some of the same stuff. Which only goes to show how much LARPing in teh _un because these accounts are obviously fantasized.

    Ah the ignorance of youth!
  4. RunningDog is offline
    RunningDog's Avatar

    nail conditioning

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    Jul 2006
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    UK
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    Posted On:
    10/16/2007 5:21pm


     Style: Rehab

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Sunday 12 October 1997


    Dear Diary

    What a day I had yesterday. I got my 2nd student grade in WT, which was totally cool. We had to do the whole first form – really nerve racking! I accidentally prayed to Buddha 4 times instead of 3 and Si-Hing Dick (Shifu Lee’s assistant) noticed! Luckily they let me try again. We also did loads of lat-sao®, which is when you stand in meridian stance™ and punch each other’s hands. That way your punches stop a foot away from your partner’s face, and we reduce the risk of killing each other in training. Meridian stance™ is difficult though! You have to have your feet in line, and I keep nearly toppling over. But Shifu says it’s the most powerful and rooted stance. I guess it takes time to become a Kung Fu Master!

    However, Diary, the man upstairs gives with one hand and takes away with the other.
    I went out with my corridor after I got my grading – we went for snakebite and Hooch at the Union, then on to 70s night at the Ritzy in town (50p a drink!). I was starting to have a good time. I discovered that the Siu Lim Tao contains some great dance moves – I was doing loads of bong sao/tan sao transitions to Sister Sledge and I must have looked brilliant. I also demonstrated some chainpunching™ and a guan sao/upright punch™ combination to James and Harry from Economics. They totally want to join up.
    But then… my worst suspicions were confirmed. I saw Harriet snogging Twatface Torquil on the dancefloor. I don’t know what came over me, Hooch and snakebite must be a dangerous combination, because I started Z-stepping® towards them at top speed, then when I was close I started furiously arrow-walking® and throwing deadly chainpunches™ at Torquil’s chest. (when Shifu does this to me I fly across the room!) But unluckily Torquil saw me coming, and he sneakily moved off to the side and punched me on the jaw. I woke up outside the club with the taste of blood in my mouth, my trousers round my ankles and the bouncers standing over me and laughing.

    I am going to have to pay Shifu for some private lessons - I need some of the secret moves he talks about. They're £50 an hour or £400 for a pack of 10. I'll have to ask Mother and Father for some more money.
  5. Askari is offline

    The Bottom Brick

    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Posts
    2,069

    Posted On:
    10/16/2007 5:30pm


     Style: BJJ, Ju-Jitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by RunningDog
    I guess it takes time to become a Kung Fu Master!
    Brilliant!
    "Sifu, I"m niether - I'm a fire dragon so don't **** with me!"
  6. The_Tao is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Jun 2007
    Location
    No where near
    Posts
    567

    Posted On:
    10/16/2007 5:36pm


     Style: Proudly Shaolin Do.

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    wow, I really want to microwave a chunner now.
  7. kwoww is offline
    kwoww's Avatar

    poser

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Lower Hudson Valley / Rochester
    Posts
    1,986

    Posted On:
    10/16/2007 6:14pm


     Style: punching bag / crew jitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    brings the lols
  8. EternalRage is offline
    EternalRage's Avatar

    WARNING: BJJ may cause airway obstruction.

    Join Date
    Aug 2003
    Location
    Long Island
    Posts
    3,360

    Posted On:
    10/16/2007 6:22pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Bajillion Joo Jizzu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Lol @ the TM's and copyrights
  9. Eddie Hardon is online now

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2007
    Location
    London
    Posts
    2,488

    Posted On:
    10/17/2007 7:16am


     Style: Trad Ju Jitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by RunningDog
    Sunday 12 October 1997


    Dear Diary

    What a day I had yesterday. I got my 2nd student grade in WT, which was totally cool. We had to do the whole first form – really nerve racking! I accidentally prayed to Buddha 4 times instead of 3 and Si-Hing Dick (Shifu Lee’s assistant) noticed! Luckily they let me try again. We also did loads of lat-sao®, which is when you stand in meridian stance™ and punch each other’s hands. That way your punches stop a foot away from your partner’s face, and we reduce the risk of killing each other in training. Meridian stance™ is difficult though! You have to have your feet in line, and I keep nearly toppling over. But Shifu says it’s the most powerful and rooted stance. I guess it takes time to become a Kung Fu Master!

    However, Diary, the man upstairs gives with one hand and takes away with the other.
    I went out with my corridor after I got my grading – we went for snakebite and Hooch at the Union, then on to 70s night at the Ritzy in town (50p a drink!). I was starting to have a good time. I discovered that the Siu Lim Tao contains some great dance moves – I was doing loads of bong sao/tan sao transitions to Sister Sledge and I must have looked brilliant. I also demonstrated some chainpunching™ and a guan sao/upright punch™ combination to James and Harry from Economics. They totally want to join up.
    But then… my worst suspicions were confirmed. I saw Harriet snogging Twatface Torquil on the dancefloor. I don’t know what came over me, Hooch and snakebite must be a dangerous combination, because I started Z-stepping® towards them at top speed, then when I was close I started furiously arrow-walking® and throwing deadly chainpunches™ at Torquil’s chest. (when Shifu does this to me I fly across the room!) But unluckily Torquil saw me coming, and he sneakily moved off to the side and punched me on the jaw. I woke up outside the club with the taste of blood in my mouth, my trousers round my ankles and the bouncers standing over me and laughing.

    I am going to have to pay Shifu for some private lessons - I need some of the secret moves he talks about. They're £50 an hour or £400 for a pack of 10. I'll have to ask Mother and Father for some more money.
    £50 per hour or £400 for Ten. It speaks for itself even your Economics student mates can tell you it's more cost effective to go for the 10 pack. It will be, like, todally (US pronounciation) worth it. Just think of the verbal pearls of wisdom he will impart as he's teaching you special stuf f. You know it makes sense.

    You'll be bound to Ralph Macchio dear Torquil and win back the likely weak-kneed Harriet.
    :thumbsup:
    Good Luck
    Last edited by Eddie Hardon; 10/17/2007 7:21am at .
  10. RunningDog is offline
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    nail conditioning

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
    Location
    UK
    Posts
    2,301

    Posted On:
    10/17/2007 7:30am


     Style: Rehab

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Thursday 30 October 1997

    Dear Diary

    After Mother and Father refused to give me £400 for private lessons with Shifu, I thought I’d better take matters into my own hands. I’ve got a job at the B&Q DIY supercentre just out of town. I don’t like it much – I have to work with lots of common people, and I feel it’s beneath me. But one must make sacrifices if one wants to become a WingTsun© Master. There’s one chap in particular I can’t abide. He’s called Gareth and he’s a shift supervisor, and he keeps calling me “toff” and “college boy”. He wouldn’t be so cocky if he knew I was going to be learning secret fighting techniques from the Chum Kiu and Biu-Tze forms! In fact I think I might have to demonstrate them sometime, if you get my meaning diary!
    In the meantime I’ve taken out a credit card to pay for the privates. They take Visa at the Kwoon. I’m a student so Natwest Bank won’t mind if miss payments now and then.

    On the plus side I’m a 3rd student grade now, and Shifu told us some amazing stuff in class today!
    Apparently the top WingTsun© Grandmaster, Leung Ting, is going to be promoted to an 11th degree Grandmaster! Do you know what that means diary? Here are the titles:

    Student grades 1-12
    Technician grades 1-4
    Practician (master) grades 5-8

    Now here’s where it gets cool

    9: Man of Arrival (Grandmaster)
    10: Master of Comprehension (Grandmaster)
    11: Master of Almightiness (Grandmaster)
    12: Sage of Philosophy (Posthumous)

    Now Grandmaster Kernspecht from Germany is going to become a Master of Comprehension, but Grandmaster Leung Ting from Hong Kong is going to become a Master of Almightiness! That means that the other Grandmasters have decided that nobody in the world can defeat him in a fight! Even though he is a small man in his 50s. If a little old man can be a Master of Almightiness, imagine what a young Economics student could become? I’ll definitely be able to incapacitate Torquil with deadly strikes, that’s for sure.
    Shifu also decided we were ready for chi sao training. Chi sao teaches you the softness and sensitivity needed to flow like water around your opponent’s futile flailing! I can’t wait for my water to flow all over Torquil and Gareth from B&Q. When Shifu had done talking, class was almost over so we had no time for actual training, but it was an education I can tell you!

    Torquil and Harriet appear to be “an item” as I believe the phrase goes. It won’t last though, Diary. I promise you that. Torquil will feel my deadly fak sao, and Harriet will fall for me.
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