As much fun as it is seeing him being owned by boxers and a Judoka, what I'm really looking forward to is a Wing Chun vs ninjer battle. Patty cake or lunge punch, which shall win such an epic showdown?
Sunday 7 December 1997
I worked at B&Q today, and ended up wishing I’d called in sick! When I arrived, Shaylene looked at me in that way she does when I came in for work, and I tripped over my own feet and bumped into a big stack of paint cans, knocking them over. I was a bit embarrassed, but I didn’t care. At B&Q I am king! I’m a Security Operative, and people respect me now. Even Gareth doesn’t call me Toffee Nose to my face any more, although sometimes I catch him laughing at me with his cohorts (the other shelf stackers. Ha! The lowest rung!)
So I was feeling good, and patrolling the car park, when I heard some loud music coming from a moving car. I think it was “drums and bass”, which is popular with quite a lot of the students and townies. A Ford Sierra with blacked out windows rolled past me and the windows opened. I recognized the face in the rear window immediately – it was the little thief I had defeated in combat some weeks previously!
His threat to stab me came ominously to mind, but I felt prepared – after all I have a certificate in WeaponDefence™ signed by Shifu Hermann. But instead they started pelting me with eggs! They were rather a good shot too, Diary. Two hit me directly in the face and I couldn’t really see, so I was powerless to prevent the next one from thudding into my groin. COWARDS. If they had confronted me face-to-face I KNOW I would have defeated them. We have done multiple assailant drills TWICE in class and the tactics we learned are used by Special Forces units throughout the world, including GSG9, the FBI, MI5 and the Hungarian Special Forces.
However, they got the better of me on this occasion. As I lay prostrate, the horrible little commoner shouted that it would be “fireworks next time,” they all laughed, and the car sped off.
It wasn’t all bad, Diary. Guess who came to wipe the egg off my face? That’s right. Shaylene. I couldn’t see her spots and unfortunate rolls of fat, due to being blinded by the eggs, but I could feel her gentle touch as she dabbed the egg from my forehead, and I could smell the scent of her underarm deodorant. Oh the sweet smell… My boss Gary let me go home early, and the remembrance of that scent overcame me when I got to my room. 10 seconds later I had another mess to clean up Diary… if you get my meaning.
As if getting egged wasn’t bad enough, Quentin rang this evening. He gave me a very predictable earful about missing Mother’s 50th, and made me feel a bit guilty I have to admit. Apparently Mother kept asking when I was coming, and she cried when Father made a speech about all the family being together for the first time in years. However, the fact is that I must become a kung-fu master, and one has to make sacrifices to achieve such greatness.
Quentin was also saying that I was stupid for missing big nights out like Hallowe’en, and that I had to go out if I wanted to actually get a girlfriend. Little does he know about my admirers Diary! I didn’t tell him about Shaylene’s gentle caresses, or about touching Emily’s soft ladypillows during chi sao, or that I’m going to win Harriet over by using my WT™ skills against her ‘boyfriend’.
It would be futile to try explaining this to Quentin. He does not understand the way of the Beautiful Spring.
AHHHH where is the rest..I WANT MORE...HURRY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The ninja and BJJ diaries were linked (going through the samurai one now, dunno if it is either), just wondering if you were going to do that too...
Some might think its cheesy but it would be kinda nice in a 6 degrees of separation way if you could pull it off just right
One cannot change what has passed, young padawan.
Originally Posted by EternalRage
Says you. If my high school history text books are any indication, it's pretty easy to rewrite the past.
Originally Posted by RunningDog
Feel free to start your own thread on the topic in the general bullshit forum.
Originally Posted by Just Guess
I have to talk to Shinkengata about what to do with that one.
Originally Posted by EternalRage
Wednesday 10 December 1997
I went to the doctor’s today to check how I’m doing after the food poisoning episode. My weight’s down to just under 9 stone but it seems to have stabilized. Most of the food I get from the Union bins must be ok, I just need to avoid the sandwiches and pork-based products, so I was surprised to hear that I’m showing some signs of malnourishment. At this point I said something hasty that I oughtn’t have, Diary. I said that it could be my WingTsun™ trained body ridding itself of unnecessary muscle. Whoops! The Doctor said he’d had problems with students of “Lawrence Herring” (that’s Shifu) losing excess weight before. He said one had been hospitalized after developing bulimia. Well that got me angry, Diary. I stood up and started stuttering a little, but I managed to say that he was talking rubbish, and that there were many things that Western medicine could not explain, and good-day to you sir!
It was almost like I was talking Shifu’s own words! I was so proud of myself. And Shifu said I was learning fast when I told him about it in our private lesson later. He said he shouldn’t tell me this, but I’m one of his best students and he hopes to make me an instructor “sooner rather than later!” Those were his own words. Well I don’t need to tell you how that made me feel Diary.
Then he took the opportunity to draw me a diagram of the human body, and how the different chemical elements cluster in different parts of the body, and what you need to eat to generate power from your tendons, ligaments and elbow bone. It seems that what has been missing from my diet is ginger, celery, goat’s cheese, prawns and bananas. These foods will cluster Potassium and Calcium compounds at the areas needed for liver-bursting biu tze sao attacks!
He promised that Doctor Professor Grandmaster Leung Ting, Master of Almightiness, BSc Sports Science, was sure to go over this in more detail the next time he is here. Shifu is so humble and modest – he always says the Grandmaster knows so much more than him. But he seems to know a lot about the science of WT® as it is!
If this has a "Sopranos" ending I'm going to break something.