Thread: WC Sux0rs: Diary of a Chunner.
10/11/2007 11:35am, #11
Dammit cant find "dairy of a bjj kid", tried the search and still nothing. Found the other two easily though...
10/12/2007 4:31am, #12Originally Posted by Jkdbuck76
10/12/2007 4:47am, #13
- Join Date
- Jul 2003
Here is a really old piece about a day in the life of an EVIL MASTER OF CHI! MUAHAHAHAHA!
Highest Supreme No Can Defend Boxing
This has appeared in rec.martial-arts:
Greeting, fellow martial artist. Please allow me introducing myself.
I am Dr. Yang Sze, EVIL MASTER OF CHI!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!
Allow me relate you this story young man who visit my kwoon. He come my kwoon wear Brazil jiujitsu t-shirt and he say his name Gichoke. He asking me I teaching grappling technique. I say no, young Blowchunk, I teaching taichi chuan. He getting mad and say my name Gichoke not Blowchunk, then he disrespectful taichi chuan. He say taichi for old man like me, then say his Brazil jiujitsu technique beat my technique. I say young Fudgepoke, you make me laughing, MWAHAHAHA!!!! So he again getting mad and say my name Gichoke not Fudgepoke and challenge me to fighting. I say you silly little high school boy, go back rolling around on floor with other boy. MWAHAHAHA!!!! My evil-style taichi chuan is most best combat system, if proper technique no can defend! Only practicing chi powers making TRUE MARTIAL ARTIST and you young Sheeppoke are weak in ways of chi! But silly little boy insist so we go into my training room. He ask where mat for floor because my kwoon floor hard wood. I say no mat for evil-style taichi young Gijoke! MWAHAHAHA!!!! Now he getting afraid but he too stupid to leave. So I say you attacking me now, young Gispunk! And he try to shoot under my arms and taking me to floor, but I using internal strength technique from evil-style taichi and bitchslapping Gichunk into wall! MWAHAHAHA!!!! Many time he attacking and many time I bitchslapping silly boy. But silly boy still attacking so I change to deadly dimmak technique. Only using one finger striking and only touching Gichoad now, but every time he attacking and every time he falling to floor scream in pain and silly boy crying about hard wooden floor! MWAHAHAHA!!!! So now I using deadly pressure-point chinna grappling technique and flipping silly boy into air and landing on hard floor. I say now I demonstrating more weakness Brazil jiujitsu system. I say now I demonstrating Chinese animal style kung fu, and my style is dog-style kung fu. So I blow whistle and my attack dog Fang coming into kwoon! Fang attacking young Gichimp and Fang biting silly boys arms and face. I say Brazil jiujitsu not complete martial art, can no defend against dog! MWAHAHAHA!!!! But stupid boy saying **** you, so I kicking silly boy in head while he wrestling Fang. So I say see young Gipoke Brazil jiujitsu technique no can defend multiple attackers! MWAHAHAHA!!!! After silly boy bleeding long time I tell Fang go away. So I asking young Gipuke you believing in chi powers now? He say no, so I say I now using ancient Chinese secret art of feng-shui against him. Stupid boy asking what is feng-shui? So I say feng-shui most ancient art of manipulate chi power by rearrange furniture. Very powerful system, can no defend! So silly boy laughing and say you will defeat me using interior decoration? Then he disrespectful feng-shui so I demonstrating. I kicking coffee table into silly boys knee, then I move chair behind silly boy, then kicking Gijoke against chair. Silly boys head is flying into desk corner and cracking head open. So I say see silly boy this furniture position much worse for your chi! MWAHAHAHA!!!! But STILL stupid boy no give up, so now I using most deadly technique of no touching chi power KONG JING!!!! So I saying you call your name Gichoke so now I showing you CHI CHOKE! MWAHAHAHA!!!! So I standing across kwoon from silly boy but I using kong jing power and choking stupid young Gispunk.
After silly boy waking up I asking now you believing chi powers? Gichunk get down on hands and knees and begging forgiveness, asking please me teaching him secrets of evil-style taichi. He finally learning that Brazil jiujitsu technique no can defend against chi powers!!! So I saying young Gipunk, you are weak in ways of chi but you have demonstrating much willpower in our combat. So I teaching you evil-style taichi!!! EMBRACE DARK SIDE OF CHI, AND WE CAN RULING WORLD TOGETHER AS FATHER AND SON!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! So Gispunk becoming Dr Yang Sze first American student and giving up silly Brazil jiujitsu!
But I no am teaching Gichoad true secret of evil-style taichi! When silly boy knocked out from hitting desk, I using ancient Chinese secret. No Dr. Yang not using Calgon! MWAHAHAHA!!!! I using hypnosis on silly boy so when I doing phoney kong jing technique silly boy thinking he choking! Now I renaming Gichoke as new name Chijoke, and he serving Dr. Yang as personal slave! MWAHAHAHA!!!! I teaching Chijoke fen shou technique, making silly boy to cleaning my toilet with bare hands! MWAHAHAHA!!!! And in return I teaching Chijoke phoney taichi techniques I learn from David Carradine video tapes and exercise I saying is chi kung really from Richard Simmons "Sweating To The Oldies" videos! MWAHAHAHA!!!! And Chijoke paying $200 dollar every month for phoney taichi, and if silly boy asking about technique not effective I say take twenty year to master. And if young Chijoke doubt power then he remembering back to him choking with kong jing power!!! Silly boy mind very weak easy to manipulate! MWAHAHAHA!!!!
So you maybe asking why I doing terrible mean things to young Chijoke?
Because I am Dr. Yang Sze, EVIL MASTER OF CHI!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!! MWAHAHAHA!!!!
10/12/2007 4:56am, #14
- Join Date
- Sep 2007
I am beginning to feel like every time I enter any thread about _ing __un that I am surrounded by idiots.
10/12/2007 5:53am, #15Originally Posted by SuperCollider
10/12/2007 6:10am, #16
Nice story. Cheesy Critic give it a 5/7
Originally Posted by Virus
Birds of a feather ;)
10/12/2007 6:13am, #17Originally Posted by Shawarma
Giant text blocks > Retinas
Okay, so I failed to read it, but I did enjoy scanning through it for the "MWAHAHAA"'s and laughing.
Now here's a bunny with a pancake on its head MWAHAHAHAAAAAAA
10/12/2007 10:14am, #18
I just hope everyone understands the hummer and fish-bait references.
After training for several months I had the opportunity to test my abilities against several sportfighters. I found that wing chun footwork could not evade a wrestling takedown, and that not covering your head means you get hit. I was worried. Could this all of this have been for nothing? I needed to talk with my sifu.
After training one day I told sifu all about my problem. I told him about how many of the things we learn don't seem to be used in events like MMA, and that I had problems dealing with basic sportfighting tactics. He sat me down and explained it all;
"Remember when you first started training and I told you that wing chun is for the streets?"
"Yes, I remember"
"Well, who do you think you will be fighting on the street? The state wrestling champion? An olympic judo player? Bas Rutten? Are you actually training to become the next MMA champion?"
"That's right. Chances are you'll be fighting someone that has no training. He'll just blindly shamble in like a zombie and will probably end up tripping himself over trying to hit you. People that don't train can barely walk properly."
"So you're saying that our training is....good enough?"
"You've got it! It's good enough. It's like, standing there punching the air with chambered fists, and slapping each others arms out of the air is so many orders of magnitude better than not training at all, that we can afford to train in methods and techniques that aren't the most efficient. It's good enough. See? "
"How do we know it's good enough?"
"It's good enough!"
"well, I was thinking of leaving wing chun for a year or so, and try out some boxing or muay thai. Just to see what it;s all about."
"Well, you could do that but, you know you have a grading coming up soon and if you play your cards right you could be doing wooden dummy forms within three months?"
"Well. Maybe I could stay a little bit longer..."
Last edited by Virus; 10/12/2007 10:32am at .
10/12/2007 10:58am, #19
- Join Date
- Jun 2006
- Umeň, Sweden/ Paris, France
Good god, where did you get that from? That is some sad **** right there.
10/12/2007 11:09am, #20Originally Posted by Virus
This installment gets a Cheesy Rating of: 3/7
The effort's there, just no creativity. Chunner gets butt kicked, questions a bit, then returns to chun. Sorry to say it, but readers have come to expect more these days and the basic plotline just doesn't cut it anymore.
(Does this mean I should be expecting angry mechanized future warriors knocking on my door soon?)