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  1. Virus is offline
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    Posted On:
    10/11/2007 5:39am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    WC Sux0rs: Diary of a Chunner.

    What would happen if I did one of those "Diary of a LARPing cock-knuckle" threads? Let's see what brews...

    1/4/07:

    Having just watched Enter The Dragon for the 36th time I decided to attain focus, discipline and perhaps beat on some homeless guy through the power of the martial arts. I flipped through the phonebook and came across an add for "Iron Wang's Wing Chun Kung Fu" that was located nearby. I called the number and agreed to come down and discuss details with the instructor, who assured me that his name really is "Iron Wang".
    3/4/07:

    I drove down to the kung fu center today to meet with the sifu. The center was closed when I arrived but soon after a Hummer drove up and out stepped a man in his mid thirties, slightly balding and with a potbelly just crying to be released from the confines of his dirty singlet.

    "Are you Iron Wang?" I asked.

    "Yep that's me." He replied.

    "Is that really your name?" I asked for the second time.

    "Yep" He said flatly.

    "Isn't Wang a Chinese name? You're American."

    "Yeah, but Iron isn't a Chinese word is it?"

    "Guess not."

    After this breif introduction he showed me inside the "kwoon" as he called it. Anticipation tingled up my spine. This was the place that was going to turn me into A warrior. The result of a million shaolin monks testing their art over a million years. I needed to know more about this ancient wisdom I would soon master.

    "So is wing chun the most powerful style" I asked?

    "It is" The sifu nodded. "Wing Chun was invented by a woman. If she can beat thirty people at once in a rooftop challenge what do you think us men are capable of?"

    "Did Bruce Lee really do wing chun?"

    "He sure did. Wing Chun was his first art and it always stuck with him. Jeet Kune Do is pretty much just wing chun with kickboxing. Wing Chun was the art of Bruce Lee, and wing chun was that original art of the shaolin monks. Guess what art the German police force uses?"

    "I don't know"

    "Neither do I. But it could be wing chun for all we know. You see where I'm going with this?"

    "Yeah I think so."

    We did a tour of the kwoon. Wall bags, wooden dummy, certificates lined the far wall. He led me back into the foyer and we discussed payment details.

    "The beginners program starts on a two-year contract, with additional advanced classes for black sash students. You have to buy a t-shirt and slippers from the kwoon and and a minimum of three of my books on wing chun."

    "Something smells fishy." I said.

    "Yeah this place used to be a fish-bait shop. I could never get rid of the smell." he replied.

    "That would be it." I said, as I handed him my credit card.
    Last edited by Virus; 10/11/2007 5:42am at .
  2. Eddie Hardon is online now

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    Posted On:
    10/11/2007 5:51am


     Style: Trad Ju Jitsu

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Ahh, the Quality continues.

    One point of (probably unintended Irony) is that I have previously seen a photo-essay on Seminars by Sifu Keith Kernspecht 10th Degree of Wing Tsun (make your own jokes) to German Police. All attendees were Ju Jitsu Dan Grades. The photos showed a likely scapegoat on the floor having been dumped there by the mighty Keith captured in the classic WT/VT/WC stance. It didn't explain how the erstwhile scapegoat got dumped but perhaps that's part of the art or mystery (or both).

    Perhaps Iron Wang was also a guest instructor in support of Meister Keith?? May be you could continue your investigations and Enlighten your grateful readers.

    'Ank U, kin'ly (quoted from Mick Jagger in "Gimme Shelter" - ahh, the diction).
  3. Jadonblade is offline
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    Hoo Ha!

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    Posted On:
    10/11/2007 6:05am

    supporting member
     Style: San Da, Judo, BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    More please :D
  4. variance is offline

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    Posted On:
    10/11/2007 6:11am


     Style: EF UM A

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Goddammit you beat me to it.

    I was revising/proofreading my first entry and my overall outline / writers dictionary.

    Now ill have to think of something else and mothball my material.

    :sigh:

    If your going to jock my idea.
    At least make this good.
    Put more effort into it.

    Please read shinkengata and GoldenJonas' threads again...
    try and get a better feel for the kind of humor they pulled off.

    cuz no offense. but that was a hella weak first entry.

    The enthusiastic WCer is NEVER skeptical.
    "Smells fishy"

    Ninjers and Teen Samurai's don't think the passion of their life smells fishy.
    Neither should the elite Chunner. They smell l33t Bruce Lee mojo.
    The real street deadly and they must have it.
    Last edited by variance; 10/11/2007 6:28am at .
  5. Virus is offline
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    Posted On:
    10/11/2007 6:31am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by variance
    The enthusiastic WCer is NEVER skeptical.
    "Smells fishy"
    There was a reason for that. You don't get the reference.
  6. Cuchulain is offline

    Keeping you safe from Mongolians

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    Posted On:
    10/11/2007 6:49am


     Style: Sanda/Taijiquan *Hiatus*

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I thought it was pretty funny. Australian humour is quite similar to British i think.
  7. variance is offline

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    Posted On:
    10/11/2007 8:44am


     Style: EF UM A

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by seanyseanybean
    I thought it was pretty funny. Australian humour is quite similar to British i think.
    I suppose. Reading it in my head with a British/Australian accent speaking it
    and in the context of those mannerisms. the funny factor goes up a few points.

    Subtle British humour for me works best when performed.
    The mannerisms and the nuances in rhythm of speaking sell it the best.

    It comes out kind of flat to me (as a yank) if Im just straight reading it.

    That being said

    It's still a few order of magnitudes less funny than Shinkengata and GoldenJonas'
    and I think less funny than my first entry was going to be.

    Diary of a Teen Ninja
    Diary of a College Samurai
    Diary of BJJ Kid

    are the benchmarks for this kind of thread.


    (I started a poll thread for forum contributors to vote on what diary i should write, Chunner or FMA, Last week. Chun was winning. but Virus beat me to the punch. so Im going to have to mothball the two entries I already had written now and find something else to do.)
    Last edited by variance; 10/11/2007 8:51am at .
  8. Virus is offline
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    Posted On:
    10/11/2007 9:53am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by variance
    Chun was winning. but Virus beat me to the punch.
    Look at my style field. I do the chum. We specialise in throwing 40 punches a second. I'll always beat you to the punch.

    Consider this a story then and you can do the diary. There's just one other scene I have planned that I'll post later.
    Last edited by Virus; 10/11/2007 9:56am at .
  9. variance is offline

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    Posted On:
    10/11/2007 10:02am


     Style: EF UM A

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Virus
    Look at my style field. I do the chum. We specialise in throwing 40 punches a second. I'll always beat you to the punch.

    Consider this a story then and you can do the diary. There's just one other scene I have planned that I'll post later.
    Chunners would beat me to the punch.

    Good point.
    I think there's room enough for two diaries of the chun. or TSUN I should say.

    You don't have the real chun.
    I have the traditional Wing Chun with the d34dly secrets because William Cheung learned em.
  10. jkdbuck76 is offline
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    Here, hold these for me.

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    Posted On:
    10/11/2007 11:11am

    Join us... or die
     Style: jkd concepts

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by variance
    Goddammit you beat me to it.

    I was revising/proofreading my first entry and my overall outline / writers dictionary.
    Easy. Just make a thread called
    WT SUX0RS: DIARY OF A TSUNNER
    and copy all of Virus's stuff.

    As long as you spell it "Tsun", then it is different.
    SEANBABY:
    "The seventh law of thermodynamics is that every time a fat person gets near a trapdoor, they fall in. Itís the closest thing we have to scientific proof of God."
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