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  1. cyrijl is offline
    cyrijl's Avatar

    Light Heavyweight

    Join Date
    Mar 2003
    Location
    Boston, MA
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    3,796

    Posted On:
    8/31/2007 1:25pm

    supporting member
     Style: BJJ, MT, Yoga

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    The writing is not bad. I just think you need to write to your audience. I mean...err...I dont think MMA guys are dumb. I just think commands are easier than contemplations. Does that make sense?
  2. jasculs is offline

    Registered Member

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    Jul 2006
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    Posted On:
    8/31/2007 1:27pm


     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by cyrijl
    The writing is not bad. I just think you need to write to your audience. I mean...err...I dont think MMA guys are dumb. I just think commands are easier than contemplations. Does that make sense?
    Yes..makes sense...are you an English major or something...lol...thanks for the tips.
  3. cyrijl is offline
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    Light Heavyweight

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    Mar 2003
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    Boston, MA
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    3,796

    Posted On:
    8/31/2007 1:47pm

    supporting member
     Style: BJJ, MT, Yoga

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    No, I got an BA and MA in philosphy and did all the coursework for an MA in linguistics...I was on the road to academia....luckily I got off that bus.
  4. WorldWarCheese is offline
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    Senior Member

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    Aug 2006
    Location
    Thailand
    Posts
    2,121

    Posted On:
    8/31/2007 3:32pm


     Style: Muay Thai n00b

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Wow... I don't like posts that are simply just saying "ur amazering duuuude!" but...
    UR AMAZERING DUUUuUUDE!!!

    Also, it made me feel very proud that, in reading the article, all of the guys at Judo easily filled all those categories.
  5. Coach Josh is offline
    Coach Josh's Avatar

    Silent Guardian

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    Dec 2006
    Location
    Lafayette, LA
    Posts
    2,184

    Posted On:
    8/31/2007 7:47pm

    Business Class Supporting Member
     Gladiators Academy Lafayette, LA Style: Judo, MMA, White Trash JJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Ooops I forgot to critique stuff. Its seems to be a requirement to post here.(j/k). Yes some points can be made more concise when I teach I always employ the KISS method. Keep It Simple Stupid. While not a cunning linguist I can cut through the fluff and reduce your article to the finer points. Its one of the requirements of being an instructor.

    Keep up the good work I see you posted it in the Underground also keep it away from MAP so you don't have to deal with the unwashed masses.
    Judo is only gentle for the guy on top.
  6. chingythingy is offline

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
    Posts
    1,166

    Posted On:
    8/31/2007 10:40pm


     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    jasculs,

    I'm coming around to liking the checklists. I think I will pull them into my personal training manual / log. They are something I can read through and do a check before training positions, and good stuff to keep in mind.
  7. jasculs is offline

    Registered Member

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    Jul 2006
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    315

    Posted On:
    8/31/2007 10:43pm


     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by chingythingy
    jasculs,

    I'm coming around to liking the checklists. I think I will pull them into my personal training manual / log. They are something I can read through and do a check before training positions, and good stuff to keep in mind.
    I think their's pro's and cons to lists and outline's just like a lot of things...I actually vary up my style of analyzing things based on what I am analyzing at the time...I do however tend to lean towards outlines/lists more for some reason...I guess that is how a lot people do it.

    I have also been playing around with Mind Maps also and they have been very helpful.
  8. Pandinha is offline

    Administrator

    Join Date
    Feb 2003
    Location
    San Diego
    Posts
    8,751

    Posted On:
    9/01/2007 12:31am

    supporting memberhall of famestaff
     Style: Muay Thai & BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Jason,

    I'm gonna print your checklist up and passing it around ATT.

    Really excellent stuff!!!
    Quote Originally Posted by Sifu Rudy Abel
    "Just what makes a pure grappler think he can survive with an experienced striker. Especially if that striker isn't following any particular rule set and is well aware of what the grapplers strategies are".
  9. jasculs is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Jul 2006
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    Posted On:
    9/01/2007 1:47am


     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Antonillo
    Jason,

    I'm gonna print your checklist up and passing it around ATT.

    Really excellent stuff!!!
    Not a problem and thanks.
  10. Petter is offline

    12th level logic wielder

    Join Date
    Mar 2007
    Location
    Vancouver, BC
    Posts
    1,964

    Posted On:
    9/01/2007 3:21am


     Style: BJJ, judo, rapier

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by cyrijl
    You should try to make the sentences more concise. Even though I tried to read the article several times, I always ended up skim reading it. Another example is "Don't" is a much better phrase than "Will not". I would try to make the reader empathize with the good partner. Refer directly to the reader instead of abstracting out.
    Beyond the dangerous proximity to the dreaded and limp-wristed passive voice, the direct meaning of the commandments as they now stand appears to be "Your training partner will do this or that". Since my usual razor intellect is somewhat dulled by wine and rather-past-midnight hours, I caught myself thinking a few times that "All right, when I finally try judo, if my training partner doesn't do X, I have a right to be peeved" -- whereas "You will do this or that" carries connotations of "All right, if I do try judo and I don't do X, my training partner has a right to be pissed off" -- rather more of a deterrent.

    I'm glad to have read this (and I'd be even more glad if I could find a judo club around here that doesn't practice at the same time as I am at karate practice), but I think that switching to a more direct form of expression would be a very significant improvement (to a good piece).
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