Clublife - Tales from a bouncer

**PizDoff** · Posted On: 8/29/2007 3:36pm

Was in Boston over part of the weekend, one of the dailies had an article about bouncers and writing. I went to the blog noted, as one bouncer in the story kept a blog on this daily happenings. Scanned a few of the posts there for funtastic stories, enjoy.

Hi Everybody!

A Guido was spotted wearing a white tee shirt, white Capri pants, and white sneakers of unknown manufacture. This Guido was simultaneously stared at and ridiculed by several bouncers who witnessed his entrance. This scene was rather sad and I felt sympathetic toward this Guido, but then I remembered that he could have avoided the entire scene by not dressing like a jackass.

People who wear white tee shirts, white Capri pants and white sneakers of unknown manufacture are intentionally provoking a negative response, so they shouldn’t complain very much when they’re treated to one. My advice to them would be to report to the nearest Karate dojo and become a UFC fighter or a “certified” street fighter. That way, they could beat me up when I make fun of them.

Here I sit lamenting the fact that everyone’s midlife crisis now entails wearing a “gi” and learning how to put me in a “kimura” or “choke me out.”

“I’ll put you in a submission!”

“No you won’t.”

Newsflash: You’re not the only person in the world who knows Jiu-Jitsu!

http://standingonthebox.blogspot.com...e-fighter.html

Originally Posted by Pegged

Here is yet another valuable piece of advice from me to you. By “you,” I don’t mean all of you, because this advice applies primarily to the Guido populace. Since this is the case, I’m not entirely certain of this post’s utility, because I don’t know if any Guidos read this site. If they do, I hope this little tidbit can be of assistance.

Here it is.

Please do not claim to be “best friends” with someone who fights in the UFC if you don’t actually know the person. Claiming to be “best friends” with a UFC fighter – or anyone, for that matter - you don’t know is a very sad and desperate thing to do, especially if the person to whom you’re making this claim knows the UFC fighter in question and knows you’re not “best friends” with him.

And it only compounds matters when you can’t pronounce said UFC fighter’s last name correctly. I know the last names of all my “best friends” and can say them properly, even under pressure.

Claiming to be “best friends” with someone you don’t know is a risky proposition. If you do it long enough, you may, in fact, come across someone who knows you’re full of ****. This makes you look very stupid, because this someone is well aware that you’re attempting to make yourself look tough by proxy. Attempting to make yourself look tough by proxy doesn’t work.

It’s akin to dropping Vincent Gigante’s name at the door. Strange, delusional and misguided to the hilt.

These are not good ideas.

http://standingonthebox.blogspot.com...06/pegged.html

This guy Rob also put out a book recently it seemed. http://standingonthebox.blogspot.com/

Edit: Found the article link
http://thephoenix.com/article_ektid45953.aspx

**Frank White** · Posted On: 8/29/2007 3:53pm

I worked as a bouncer for about two years, did not get in one fight. If you cant outsmart a drunk, youre pretty dumb. You basically stand around and talk to drunk chicks.

**vigilus** · Posted On: 8/29/2007 4:00pm

And walk around like you're carrying jerry cans of gas under your arms with nothing actually there.

ILS
Invisible Lat Syndrome

New cops get this a lot too.

**Frank White** · Posted On: 8/29/2007 4:14pm

I used to work across the streets from some projects. Someone shot a pistol in the club and I ran behind the DJ booth and pretended to grab a gun, and came out with my hand at the small of my back, in my shirt. "YO he got a gun!"

IGS
Invisible Gat Syndrome.

Works better.