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  1. #1
    King Sleepless's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    RBSD people should stop teaching "Women's Self-defense" or Sushi LARaPes a girl

    So last night I was at this HORRIBLY boring party with a bunch of people who were either stoners or shroomers. Everyone was sober, but these people were the most pretentious and stiflingly smug motherfuckers I've ever met in my life.

    Anyway, someone got on the subject of fighting, something about one of them doing wrestling or whatever, and the hostess, a good friend of mine, said, "Oh yeah, Chris does a lot of fighting stuff."

    I tried my best not to barge into their conversation of eye-gouges, biting, false anatomical physics and the such. But they asked my opinion. One of the girls there is the kind of radical feminist who believes in feng shui, chi, etc. Despite being a white girl who retroactively is trying to get daddy to love her. I've known this girl since elementary school and we've always butted heads. Anyway, she's had a few "self-defense" lessons. She made some comment about how if some guy grabs your arms, instead of resisting, to push your arm towards him and at some point escape (she never really made this clear) and using the heel of the palm, make his brain explode somehow. I interjected that if anybody really wanted to take you somewhere, they wouldn't be in striking range, but rather in clinching/grappling range. She then, with great smug "I AM SO RIGHT BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR! GRAARRR!" attitude, said, "I'm pretty sure I can escape from you, because what you do is for sport."

    I raised a gentle eyebrow and said, "I'd test your theories, but well... you're a girl."

    Later that evening while in the backyard on the lawn, we were sitting down she must've been horribly offended by me calling her a girl, but she brought it up again and I said, "Well alright then, I'll test out your theories."

    So I walked over to her and placed myself in her guard. She attempted to kick me off, but moving to halfguard, I was able to hold her down. While she struggled I jumped to mount and just sat on her while she futilely tried to gouge my eyes. Unfortunately, my optical organs are out of her reach. With her arms up that high, I throw my leg around and gogoplata her from mount. Not completely choking her, but just with my leg on her chest/throat so she'd stop trying to sit up. All the while yelling, "THIS IS SPARTAAAA!!!!" (because she hated 300).

    She then tried to rip my scrotum off (Another one of those gems RBSD people teach I guess) somehow through my jeans but I just ended up getting blue balls from the half-assed handjob she was trying to give me. I swatted her arms away and throwing both arms up in the air yelled, "I AM KAMANDI! I ART THE LAST BOY! I ART THE LAST BOY!"

    She was furious. She then tried to BITE MY SHIN at that point. Again, through my jeans. After a few minutes I got off of her (pun intended) and said, "You should get a refund."

    To which she replied, "Well, you didn't actually rape me."

    And I replied with, "I still could if you want."

    Cliffs: I attempt rape but end up shouting out geeky expletives and prove to an overzealous feminazi that I am way cooler than her bullshit self-defense classes with my sport skills and I get a half hand-job.

  2. #2

    Join Date
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by SUSHI SASHIMI
    So last night I was at this HORRIBLY boring party with a bunch of people who were either stoners or shroomers. Everyone was sober, but these people were the most pretentious and stiflingly smug motherfuckers I've ever met in my life.

    Anyway, someone got on the subject of fighting, something about one of them doing wrestling or whatever, and the hostess, a good friend of mine, said, "Oh yeah, Chris does a lot of fighting stuff."

    I tried my best not to barge into their conversation of eye-gouges, biting, false anatomical physics and the such. But they asked my opinion. One of the girls there is the kind of radical feminist who believes in feng shui, chi, etc. Despite being a white girl who retroactively is trying to get daddy to love her. I've known this girl since elementary school and we've always butted heads. Anyway, she's had a few "self-defense" lessons. She made some comment about how if some guy grabs your arms, instead of resisting, to push your arm towards him and at some point escape (she never really made this clear) and using the heel of the palm, make his brain explode somehow. I interjected that if anybody really wanted to take you somewhere, they wouldn't be in striking range, but rather in clinching/grappling range. She then, with great smug "I AM SO RIGHT BECAUSE I AM A WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR! GRAARRR!" attitude, said, "I'm pretty sure I can escape from you, because what you do is for sport."

    I raised a gentle eyebrow and said, "I'd test your theories, but well... you're a girl."

    Later that evening while in the backyard on the lawn, we were sitting down she must've been horribly offended by me calling her a girl, but she brought it up again and I said, "Well alright then, I'll test out your theories."

    So I walked over to her and placed myself in her guard. She attempted to kick me off, but moving to halfguard, I was able to hold her down. While she struggled I jumped to mount and just sat on her while she futilely tried to gouge my eyes. Unfortunately, my optical organs are out of her reach. With her arms up that high, I throw my leg around and gogoplata her from mount. Not completely choking her, but just with my leg on her chest/throat so she'd stop trying to sit up. All the while yelling, "THIS IS SPARTAAAA!!!!" (because she hated 300).

    She then tried to rip my scrotum off (Another one of those gems RBSD people teach I guess) somehow through my jeans but I just ended up getting blue balls from the half-assed handjob she was trying to give me. I swatted her arms away and throwing both arms up in the air yelled, "I AM KAMANDI! I ART THE LAST BOY! I ART THE LAST BOY!"

    She was furious. She then tried to BITE MY SHIN at that point. Again, through my jeans. After a few minutes I got off of her (pun intended) and said, "You should get a refund."

    To which she replied, "Well, you didn't actually rape me."

    And I replied with, "I still could if you want."

    Cliffs: I attempt rape but end up shouting out geeky expletives and prove to an overzealous feminazi that I am way cooler than her bullshit self-defense classes with my sport skills and I get a half hand-job.
    BEST. STORY. EVER.

  3. #3
    Mostly, I just sit here. Mostly. hall of famestaff
    Stick's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    This is hilarious.

    Also, since when the **** do you know how to do a gogplata?

  4. #4
    King Sleepless's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Stick
    This is hilarious.

    Also, since when the **** do you know how to do a gogplata?
    Since I've been doing shitloads of the Basically Just Judo.

  5. #5
    Transcendent Sunchips's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Or with a smug look, you could have told her that you got what you wanted from her and showed dominance over her. Afterall, isn't dominance what rape's all about? Still a good story.

  6. #6

    Join Date
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    249
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by SUSHI SASHIMI
    To which she replied, "Well, you didn't actually rape me."

    And I replied with, "I still could if you want."
    Quote of the year.

    I ended up convincing a co-worker who had taken a couple bullshit RBSD classes to check out my gym's Women's JJ class after demonstrating in a less humiliating way that it was bullshit. She got hooked and now has wicked escapes from half guard into rear mount and a vicious, impossible-to-escape RNC.

    Not everyone ends up an idiot, it seems. People can see the light.

  7. #7
    Fantasy Warrior's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Which part of it was about RBSD? Could have been any crap SD from the sound of it.

    EDIT: If I saw some guy doing thatat a party I'd think he was a jerk.
    You are a total Douchbag. Train more, post nevermore.
    FickleFingerOfFate -08-21-2007 08:59 AM

    just die already.
    Plasma - 08-20-2007 11:45 PM


    Aikidokkkkakkakakakaaaaa
    Best MA website ever!!!!!: http://www.dogjudo.co.uk/

  8. #8
    fes_fsa's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    i want my money back, Sirc.

    i paid you good money to rape her while i watch.

    *is disappointed*

  9. #9
    King Sleepless's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by KayDeePee
    Or with a smug look, you could have told her that you got what you wanted from her and showed dominance over her. Afterall, isn't dominance what rape's all about? Still a good story.
    So you're telling me I SHOULD'VE raped her?

  10. #10
    King Sleepless's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Kickcatcher
    Which part of it was about RBSD? Could have been any crap SD from the sound of it.

    EDIT: If I saw some guy doing thatat a party I'd think he was a jerk.
    I didn't put the challenge out. She was SO sure. She was the one who asked. I was simply doing a service.

    Secondly, like most RBSD's, it sucks.

    Third, if I were a girl, you're edit would sound more like, "If I saw a girl doing that at a party, I'd pull out my camera for pictures lol."

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