Ultimate BS: Grand Celestial Do
A lot of places teach unrealistic fighting techniques, instructors pad or outright forge a resume, all of that is unfortunately very common. How about some douchebag who learned his MA from aliens when he was apparently abducted by aliens for 11 years and the aliens taught him their MA style in order to fight evil in the universe. I don't even think this really deserves much investigation because it's obviously BS and the guys who actually pay money for this deserve to go broke.
For a good laugh, check out this link: http://cosmicfighting.atspace.com/
Here's a description of their "art form" off the website:
Advance Fighting Methods
More advance fighting methods will start resembling less of Earth-based martial art systems. When one has totally harness Photonic Energy, then he or she will be capable of amazing feats.
Photonic Energy is channeled and is directed to the Pulsory Collection Ducts on the wrists. These are invisible energy collection stations which collect energy similar to the way a dam holds back water. Once enough energy is collected, the ducts release, resulting in a pulsed emission of Photonic Energy from our palms called a Pulsory Blast. A Pulsory Blast can kill someone, but students are taught to direct the blast at meridian shield zones, so they will only stun an individual. Pulsory Blasts are often invisible to the naked eye but can be seen with infrared red spectral light. Pulsory Blasts are most effective when delivered on contact with the palm hitting a person's body, but they can also be administered several inches from making contact. More advance students can generate Pulsory Blasts that can stun from 20 feet away.
Some humans on Earth are able to make objects move without any training. Many do it spontaneous using their subconscious minds. These gifted individuals are known as Photonic Savants. They are able to naturally tap into Photonic Energy automatically, and they use their emotions to guide their telekinetic powers with it. Keeps in mind, only one percent of Grand Celestial Do's students are able to publicly demonstrate telekinetic powers at least one time. Even those who are able to demonstrate it once, cannot do it again. This is because unlike the Visitors, the human pineal gland, which is responsible for telekinetic control, is not evolved enough. Humans can only perform telekinetic powers when there is a fright or flight response. During such a response, blood and neurological impulses rush to the pineal gland, making it that much stronger. Students are taught to draw in Photonic Energy to clear their energy pathways leading to the pineal gland, so when they are being attacked in real life, their telekinetic powers will instantly manifest themselves to help them defend against the attack.
The Vistors don't use speech when they communicate, but they use telepathy. Though humans are not evolved enough to naturally do this, they can speed up evolution, so to speak, and learn how. In contrast to popular belief, the ability to read someone's mind is not done with the brain. In fact, when communicating telepathically, we direct the neurological impulses away from the brain. Telepathic communication is done through the belly button. We are not aware of this, but when we were in our mother's womb our mother was subconsciously communicating with us telepathically through the umbilical cord. Our mother was subconsciously asking us if we need more nourishment or if we feel too hot or cold. If our response is that we need more nourishment, our mother's body automatically increases the nutrients fed to us through the umbilical cord. If we respond that we are too cold, our mother's body around the womb warms up to protect us. After we are born and the umbilical cord is cut, the telepathic neurons are still in our belly buttons. Grand Celestial Do teaches us to direct the energy to reactivate those neurons. Beginning telepathy students would touch each other belly to belly aligning their belly buttons together. They imagine Photonic Energy shooting out of their belly buttons into the other's belly button. Once they have a connection and can read each other's feelings, they begin to move further away from one another while maintaining the telepathic connection until they become adept in reading each other's thought at long distances.
When confronted by an attacker, Grand Celestial Do students would shoot their Photonic Energy from their belly buttons and into their attacker's belly button, connecting telepathically with them. Now they will know the attacker's every move before he even does it.
I don't think it's totally fake just becuase they use photinic energy.
That's like saying chinese martial arts are fake just becuase they use chi.
Old. Try the search function next time.
I'm not surprised because I'm assuming that this is a parody website. If it isn't, please don't tell me because then I'll have to kill myself.
Originally Posted by Whorian Gracie
Originally Posted by Whorian Gracie
That's the problem with computers,
If you can't laugh at yourself,
Others will be happy to do it for you
The 2 most abundant elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
This seems about as good as any self-defense strip offered in Black Belt.
Last edited by Holy Moment; 6/10/2007 9:01pm at .
I am preserving this particular classic for use in subsequent debate
Originally Posted by kikkoman