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  1. --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    January 2007 Badass: Daniel M'Mburugu

    This is the second Badass of the Month column we’ve done for January 2007. Some of you bastards didn’t care for “Bloody” Bill Anderson and were all like “waah, he’s only a badass because he killed a lot of people” and “waaah, state’s rights, despite being the true reason for the civil war, were not as important as that whole ‘human slavery thing’ I’m telling mommy”… and ****.
    So we’ve rebooted the column with extreme prejudice in order to award the “Bad Mother Fucker” wallet to a man who would find Chuck Norris jokes funny, but only in a way that a grown man would find it funny that a toddler wanted to kick his ass.

    Daniel “M’Badass” M’Mburugu

    We’ve heard stories of fighting bears with Judo, punching sharks, and giant insects invading Los Angeles (ok maybe not that last one; let a man dream will you?) but 70+ year old Daniel M’Mburugu takes this month’s (revised) Badass award for killing a leopard with his bare hands.

    People who live in rural or remote areas generally have a bit more “badass” in them than those who get to relax in the urban/suburban comfort provided by industrialized society. It’s one thing to get mugged for your Nikes or “happy slapped” by a random Chav; it’s something completely different to be attacked by an animal that wants to fucking eat you. There’s just something deep within our reptilian brains that must swell the “badassticles” in people who, in their daily lives, are not necessarily always at the top of the food chain.

    So when 73-year-old Daniel M’Burungu of Kenya went to out to check on the potatoes and beans in his garden and got jumped by a leopard, the Bad Mother Fucker wallet in his back pocket (otherwise known as “God” by Mr. M’Burungu), called him to action:

    “A voice, which must have come from God, whispered to me to drop the panga (machete) and thrust my hand in its wide-open mouth. I obeyed,” M’Mburugu said.

    That’s right folks, simply hacking the cat into bits with a machete wasn’t good enough for Danny Boy; he jammed his fist down the creature’s throat and ripped out its tongue. Here’s a man who is a grandfather; who was born in a time before they had television. A man who’s of the age where people in our part of the world generally go to Florida to die and/or clog up the freeways going 30 in the fast lane on their way to bingo. And when attacked by a 100lb wild animal prowling his back yard with geezer on the menu, shredding his old geezery flesh with its claws, he choses to forego a weapon in order to kill the thing with his bare hands.

    The next time you’re at the dojo and are tired from doing too many widdle pushups, or don’t want to press out that last rep at the gym, or can’t find any more strength to upa the stinky fat guy off your chest, just remember how a potato-growing grandpa in Africa makes you look like a little bitch.

    And is laughing at you, like you laughed at Chuck Norris jokes.

  2. kepinpin is offline

    Join Date
    May 2007
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    5

    Posted On:
    6/17/2007 10:46am

    Bullshido Newbie
     Style: boxing

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    *trying to look pretty and bend over*I submit granpa
  3. Porcelain_Ninja is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    May 2007
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    At the doh-jaw, sleeping beneath the moldy tatami
    Posts
    85

    Posted On:
    10/03/2007 8:22pm


     Style: Judo/PunchyKicking

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Damn, this ain't gonna happen with me...

    Leopards will be extinct when I reach Pappy's age! Way to go, old man!
  4. kwoww is offline
    kwoww's Avatar

    poser

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
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    Lower Hudson Valley / Rochester
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    1,986

    Posted On:
    10/03/2007 9:06pm


     Style: punching bag / crew jitsu

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Way to revive a 9-month-old thread.

    We should bring back badass of the month.
  5. The Shade is offline

    Featherweight

    Join Date
    Dec 2007
    Location
    Knoxville
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    60

    Posted On:
    12/08/2007 4:51pm

    Bullshido Newbie
     Style: Satori-Ryu/Capoeira

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Well damn. I give kudos to the badass of the month. That takes some serious balls to stick your hand down a leopard's throat.
  6. boyimace is offline

    Join Date
    Sep 2007
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    5

    Posted On:
    12/22/2007 4:33pm

    Bullshido Newbie
     Style: karate

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Lets get some of those ***** chav's who like to attack OAP's and this guy together....
  7. Darm is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Jul 2004
    Location
    Pennsylvania
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    1

    Posted On:
    8/16/2008 7:13pm


     Style: Dojo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    Badass or Instinct of Rural Native



    :bduh: Typical American Unbelief! These incidents are so wide-spread among the thrid world natives such as South America, Mexico with the Bull fighting and daring stunts of bulls, Spain being chased down by huge mass of bulls of 25 or more -crushing people along the village. Even in Bolivia I witiness people catching alligators and other wild creatures by hand and i have a dear friend that will dare you to anything as catching rattle snakes to standing with wild boar charging and killing it just with a knife. Rural have daring instinct and city life and tough bad-ass american boy dont know the challenge of natural instinct in wild life and outdoors. we train to defend and fight humans. I train with pitbulls to build my fighting instinct and toughness and challenges. Budo up the toughness city- boys of America!

    Big D of Zen Dragon
    Last edited by Darm; 8/16/2008 7:18pm at .
  8. hungryjoe is offline
    hungryjoe's Avatar

    Light Heavyweight

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    Jan 2007
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    Oklahoma
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    3,404

    Posted On:
    8/16/2008 7:27pm

    supporting member
     Style: judo hiatus

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Member for 4+ years and this is your first post -

    I eat rattlesnake and wild boar. I'll eat your dog and feed you my ****.

    F.... you and your rant.

    Peacefully,

    Joe

    ....admission - I am on the Scotch again tonight, but really do like rattle snake
    Last edited by hungryjoe; 8/16/2008 7:38pm at .
  9. velocedog is offline

    Join Date
    Feb 2008
    Posts
    2

    Posted On:
    2/12/2009 12:32am

    Bullshido Newbie
     Style: shotokan

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    damn.
    that's BAD-ASS.
    RUGGED old fucker.

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