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  1. Colin is offline
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    Posted On:
    5/15/2012 4:14am

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     Style: MT/BJJ/MMA

    4
    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    The *NEW* Ballad of Steven Seagal

    I was invited to do a Guest Blog at http://www.cloakerjosh.com and since I had plenty of Seagal photoshop ammunition, I decided to write a new ballad of Steven Seagal:

    The link to the actual blog post is here:
    http://www.cloakerjosh.com/2012/05/b...en-seagal.html


    Now Steven Seagal was a Hollywood man
    He learned all that martial arts stuff in Japan
    He married a sweet little Japanese girl,
    And promised her father he'd show her the world

    A chunky white man is all it would take
    He'd just stomp his feet and the dojo would shake
    The brave little Japanese Aikido men
    Gave him a belt, and said: "Farewell, my friend"



    So back to America Seagal did swim
    The Atlantic ocean posed no challenge for him
    And thus did he convince the Hollywood suits;
    To cast him in lead was a worthy pursuit.

    But on the movie set, on that one fated day,
    Into the wrong fight he needlessly strayed
    Made some bold claims to Judo Gene Lebell,
    A fearsome old wrestler, he'd give Steven Hell.



    "You'll never choke me!" The bold Steven cried.
    "We'll see about that one." The old man replied
    And ne'er did he flinch, the old Judo Gene
    He just grabbed Steve in headlock, locked it in tight and clean.

    Steve clenched up his fist, and aimed straight for the balls,
    Though he might as well have just bashed his head on the walls.
    Lebell is cast iron, from head down to toe
    ..And Steven's weak knees were beginning to go.



    Ahhgsghghwei! agghhwaghwgahh! was the sound?
    As Steven turned red, and collapsed to the ground.
    Then an ungodly stench, as he let his bowels go;
    A brown stain in his pants was beginning to show.

    They carried him away, to best hide his shame,
    He could never show his face to Judo Gene again,
    So he packed up his bags, and he jumped on a plane
    And spent the flight planning his next claim to fame.



    Despite not knowing shite about how to compete,
    He gets a phone call from the martial elite.
    Anderson Silva asked him to come down
    To the land of Brazil in his quaint little town



    Anderson then asks him: "What can you teach?"
    "You were a badass in that film Under Siege!"
    Steven then shows him the way of the bluff
    Anderson thinks that it might be enough.

    So first round with Vitor, and a boot to the chin
    Was plenty enough to do in for him,
    Seagal saw his chance, pulled a trick from his hat
    And says of the kick, "Hey, I taught him that!"



    It gets worse my friends, it gets worse by far.
    He thought he would try his hand at Guitar.
    Steve wanted to sing, and he did, all the same
    Unfortunately his music is completely lame.



    So back to the bluffing, and back to the lies
    His mountain of bollocks piles up to the skies
    You can't argue with him, he'll just create a strawman.
    Some fool gave him a badge, and a gun. Made him: "Lawman".

  2. Colin is offline
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    Posted On:
    5/15/2012 9:38pm

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     Style: MT/BJJ/MMA

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    149 views.. 0 replies T__T
  3. dflanmod is offline
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    Posted On:
    5/15/2012 11:04pm

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     Style: BJJ

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Pretty tough act to follow.

    How about you post an bunch of photo shoped pics of sea gull and we can write the verses to go with them.
  4. Colin is offline
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    Posted On:
    5/16/2012 12:38am

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Not a terrible idea at all.
    I posted this pic in another thread, but perhaps someone can come up with a verse to go with it?

  5. The_Beak is offline

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    Posted On:
    5/16/2012 12:55am


     Style: Youtube-do

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
  6. RWaggs is offline

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    Posted On:
    5/16/2012 10:46am


     Style: KK

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    So back to America Seagal did swim
    The Atlantic ocean posed no challenge for him
    And thus did he convince the Hollywood suits;
    To cast him in lead was a worthy pursuit.
    Coming back from Japan, he'd have swam the Pacific, no?

    This is awesome, though....I must share it with my old Aikijutsu classmates.
  7. Colin is offline
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    Posted On:
    5/16/2012 10:48am

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    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by RWaggs View Post
    Coming back from Japan, he'd have swam the Pacific, no?
    Yes.
    initially, it was a brainfart. I fixed it on the actual blog, but copy and pasted the wrong version here.
    I was wondering when someone would notice :)
  8. RWaggs is offline

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    Posted On:
    5/16/2012 11:44am


     Style: KK

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Colin View Post
    Yes.
    initially, it was a brainfart. I fixed it on the actual blog, but copy and pasted the wrong version here.
    I was wondering when some know-it-all dick head would notice :)
    Fixed
  9. bobyclumsyninja is offline
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    :)

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    Posted On:
    5/21/2012 1:10am

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     Style: Ex-Tiger KF, ex-SanDa

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    EPIC.
  10. OZZ is offline
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    Light Heavyweight

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    Posted On:
    9/18/2012 10:23am

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     Style: Short Fist Boxing

    1
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Nice witticism , Colin.
    If Seagal had played his cards right by actually learning a little something over the years, and was not such an idiot - he could have had a spot in the Expendables movies.
    " If one wants to have a friend one must also want to wage war for him: and to wage war one must be capable of being an enemy." - Fr. Nietzsche 'On The Friend' Thus Spake Zarathustra
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