5/18/2007 8:33am, #11
Walking down the sidewalk with a buddy of mine going to a club when this guy comes towards us hauling ass with 2 cops in tow. My buddy moves out the way I side step him then give him a hip check with a my leg extended a little. The dude cuts a flip and skids on the sidewalk face first for about 10 feet.
We just keep walking and go in the club. Later I go by the door and the cops are retelling the story to the doorman. I pass by and he points at me saying thats the guy that did it. They end up giving me a $50 bar tab.
Turns out the guy sucker punched someone in the bar pretty bad. So he got what he deserved.
5/18/2007 9:04am, #12
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
I was walking home from the student union when a beggar asked me for money. I apologised and said I didn't have any. He then asked if he could just cut me open since he thought I was lying. I was a bit drunk so I spat on his face and kept walking.
5/18/2007 9:16am, #13
- Join Date
- Feb 2006
- Balls deep
I got in a lot of fights when I was a kid and they were usually pretty "civilized". There was one kid however for whom I had hate in my heart. He pulled a knife on me in school and said he was going to cut me when we got off the bus after school. Well, when we got off the bus he turned to square off with me and I dropped the fucking hammer on him. I beat that kid like a rented mule. I'm talking kicks to the face and head, bouncing his head off the concrete, running soccer kicks to the ribs when he was on all fours. I followed him all the way to the 7/11 kicking his ass the whole time. He went in thinking it was over, but as I sat outside waiting for him I started thinking again about that knife in my face. I flipped out and ran inside and proceeded to kick his ass up and down the candy aisle. There were Snickers bars and bubble gum flying everywhere.
The next day at school he looked like he got hit by a fucking truck. I got like 4000 brutality points for that one. Cavemen style wins again!!
5/18/2007 9:28am, #14Originally Posted by MSphinxMore human than human is our motto.
5/18/2007 9:58am, #15
No humurous pwnage stories from t3h d34dly street, but I got one from a former friend's apartment. We were sitting around doing not a whole lot of nothing, watching basketball on TV, drinking beer and such, while our now former friend was on one side of the room cleaning his Glock. Well, done with his cleaning, he reassembled his Glock and then proceded to dry fire it at those of us sitting around his coffee table. As soon as he started this stupid ****, I did a diving front roll over the coffee table, came up under and inside his gun hand, trap his gun hand and upper cut him in the nuts as hard as I could. As he crumpled, I took the gun out of his hand by bending it back and away from everyone in the room, nearly ripping off his trigger finger in the process.
"WTF, it was unloaded," the turdhead whimpered.
"Famous fucking last words of every drunk fucking redneck that shoots a friend after cleaning his gun," I replied.
Its because of dickhead **** like that that he is now a former friend. On second thought, I guess this stories not all that funny, either. It was a lot funnier when this same dickhead racked the **** out of himself while playing with some nunchaku while drunk. Self pwnage for being a drunken redneck idiot is much funnier than pwnage by someone else. When "Beavis and Butthead" first came out, I was sure that Michael Judge had based Butthead on this guy.
Last edited by TEA; 5/18/2007 10:02am at .
5/18/2007 10:30am, #16
I was with a friend and his annoying friend. The annoying guy wouldn't shut up and he would occasionally punch me in the arm. not hard, playful like, but still, he irritated me. Finally, he punched me in the arm one last time, so i pimp-slapped him. I didn't want to hit him too hard, but he still spun all the way around and colapsed in a heap on the sidewalk. Me and my friend couldn't contain ourselves, we just burst out laughing.
5/18/2007 8:35pm, #17
Originally Posted by fanatical
- Join Date
- Mar 2006
5/18/2007 9:12pm, #18
I guess whether you find this story funny or disgusting all depends on how twisted your sense of humor is.
Anyway, when I was a senior in high school this retarded kid (moderately retarded, not a DS kid or an asspie) was always talking **** to EVERYBODY, but most people didn't mind, as he was retarded. Usually I didn't pay much attention either, but one day he started fucking with my little brother who was in the 4th grade. I told him to cut it out. He responded by grabbing my ball-cap and throwing it in the trash-can.
I fucking snapped. I waited for him in the parking lot and when he came out I ran up and bitch-slapped him as hard as I could. He fell down and told me to leave him alone. I let him get up and then slapped the **** out of him again. He kept trying to yell at me, and I kept slapping his face. He backed up against a car, kind of leaned on it, and I kept slapping him. I must have slapped his face 25 times.
When it was all said and done he was a bloody mess and a big crowd of people had gathered, many were calling me a psycho or something similar and several pulling me away. I probably would have slapped him to death had they not intervened. I went to jail for this a few days later.
Now lovely Lucifer, in hell so stark
King, and lord of sin and pride
With some mist his wits make dark.
He send thee grace to be thy guide
HE LOOKS LIKE A TINY BEAR MIXED WITH A CAT, AND THAT IS THE MEANEST ANIMAL MIXTURE EVER, BEAR FOR FUCKING STRENGTH, AND CAT FOR FUCKING MEAN!!! ************.
5/18/2007 9:29pm, #19
Well im not a regular when it comes to street fighting. but when i was in intermediate school this guy (who btw was a brown belt or something in karate) took my ruler. now this was a pretty nice ruler, metal, had all kinds of markings for various things on it. I think it even had a little guide to the minimum sizes of fish you were allowed to keep after catching.
Anyway, this guy had it for some reason and was doing the "here you go... JUST KIDDING" thing and snatching it away. this wasn't funny the first time but after four or so goes I got tired of his punk ass and just waded in. He didn't put up much of a fight for a krotty kid smartass thats for sure, He started crying at some stage and dropped the ruler. I think most of the people standing around were more stunned than anything. He went to cry to a teacher but this was a pretty rough school and they didnt give a ****.
Moral of this story? Don't take shiny things from a dirt poor immigrant kid if you aren't ready to fight for it. Oh and don't do karate
5/18/2007 9:44pm, #20Originally Posted by SpringHeeledJack
I fought this redneck in the parking lot of the ol' pizzeria. I started it with a unprovoked water gun attack. He said he kick my ass if I did it again. Oops! I did it again. Sidekick, backfist, lowkick later it was over. Best part: he accused me of being a "Goddam Ninja"!!!
For a while after the fight I felt like The Man. When the adrenaline wore off, I felt really guilty for provoking the fight.
When he and his hick posse came to find me at work, all the burly brothers had heard that the skinny white nerd knew karate and had whupped whats-his-names cracker ass, so they were gonna get my back. Alas, Big Trouble in Little Suburbia 2: the Revenge was canceled."You know what I like about you, William? You like guns AND meditation."