The Life and Times of Tae Kwon Do

Airman Kai · 5/05/2007 2:37am

Tae Kwon do, or TKD as he is known as by his friends, had a very troubled childhood.

Born sometime in the Jurassic Period, he actually exited the womb by executing a flying kick that knocked the doctor off his horse. From that point on, things only became more awkward.

TKD earned a fair amount of scorn from his classmates while in elementary school, mainly due to his love of fashion, accessories, and acrobatic kicks. Before hitting 5th grade, he had picked up the name, "Flower Knight." TKD was quite unhappy with his new nickname, and began to move away from physical pursuits and instead began to focus more on academics. TKD's friends say this move was brought on by a new friend that began hanging out with TKD, a recent transfer student named Confucius.

TKD pretty much stayed away from martial arts until he hit high school, where some sudden changes were about to occur.

At the beginning of his 10th grade year, TKD began to experience extreme difficulties with his older brother, Nippon. Nippon began to exercise dominance over TKD's room, and before long, Nippon had complete control over TKD's room and possessions. It was a dark time, and they had to do everything Nippon wanted to do. This meant no more Lazer Tag.

In the middle of that year, however, Nippon was punished for getting into too many fights at school, and the principal just exploded on him, suspending him for the rest of the school year. Nippon was also grounded to his room "until I say otherwise," which allowed TKD to finally get his room back to the way it was.

He'd sort of become used to Nippon's way of doing things, though, and kept much of the room the same as it was.

TKD slowly began to get back into martial arts, and before long, he was learning several different types of flailing kicking thingies. His mom, however, wasn't about to pay for TKD to attend three different schools, so she told him to just pick one and be done with it.

Thus, TKD came into his own as a martial artist. Soon, his began teaching his friends, and before long, they had amassed into a large group known as the Exemplary Martialists of the Orient, or EMOs (later changed to WTF for some reason). They all wore one of two different anime haircuts, and for a while, everything was fine. TKD was the leader of his very own clique, and he couldn't have been happier.

Unfortunately, things took another turn for the worst after Senior Prom. He broke it off with his student/girlfriend, and she basically stormed off and started her own school, the Primary Universal Studies School of Yin/yang (later changed to ITF).

Competing with one another, the two eventually had a third of the student body enrolled in their schools, and there was even a gay Demo at graduation.

TKD had never concentrated too much on his grades, and both he and his ex found themselves out on the street with no skills but the flying kick. To make the money to survive, they both engineered successful for-profit schools in direct competition with one another, both claming superiority and victory on a daily basis.

Both TKD and his ex, who runs her own ITF school, have contemplated getting back together, but they publicly let it be known that, "They're just not ready yet."

Now days, TKD spends most of his time fleecing new students from the local mall and talking about the glory days when he could knock at least a dozen riders off their horses.

So, now the undisputed champion of the jumping spinning flying axe kick, TKD can relax and enjoy his early retirement, letting his students do the money making for him.

We salute you, TKD.

**Lefty** · Posted On: 5/05/2007 4:41am

Born in the mid 60's it conned many into a lifetime of morbid obesity and delusion regarding its superiority to the untrained half-pint.

**TRHellerich** · Posted On: 5/05/2007 9:20am

Bravo, Kai, Bravo:)
Well thought out. Educational & informative.
But this part is just too much:
"stormed off and started her own school, the Primary Universal Studies School of Yin/yang (later changed to ITF)."
:fist:

**Slipster** · Posted On: 5/05/2007 11:25am

Absolutely fantastic! Should be a sticky.

**Airman Kai** · Posted On: 5/05/2007 11:29am

Life and times of:

Kung Fu
Ninjitsu
BJJ
Karate

maybe to come soon?

**PizDoff** · Posted On: 5/05/2007 11:41am

Go for it. Write them up before posting them though!
We can get these up as a series.

**timjitsu** · Posted On: 5/05/2007 12:06pm

Nicely done.

**kwoww** · Posted On: 5/05/2007 1:57pm

9/10

definitely a good laugh

**Koehn4president** · Posted On: 5/05/2007 2:01pm

don't forget his retarded step brother that left the home to live in a secluded commune start the ATA

**TRHellerich** · Posted On: 5/05/2007 3:11pm

Originally Posted by Koehn4president

don't forget his retarded step brother that left the home to live in a secluded commune start the ATA

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!
Good god, that's funny!
I just laughed out Loud.

Ok. It's not as funny now that I got it out of my system.
But still good stuff:rolleyes: