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  1. Kid Miracleman is offline
    Kid Miracleman's Avatar

    Rowsdower!

    Join Date
    Jan 2007
    Location
    Parts Unknown!
    Posts
    3,249

    Posted On:
    4/27/2007 12:11am

    Join us... or die
     Style: On Hiatus

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Epicurus' take on the story made me weep. You are a bad person, Epicurus! Very, very bad!

    :(
  2. Virus is offline
    Virus's Avatar

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    6,967

    Posted On:
    4/27/2007 5:01am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    2/10 - Needs more funneh.
  3. Epicurus is offline

    I'm grindin' 'till I'm tired...

    Join Date
    Sep 2006
    Location
    Ontario, Canada
    Posts
    1,492

    Posted On:
    4/29/2007 11:10pm


     Style: Judo. Some BJJ/Kickboxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Sorry folks, I wrote that with a bit of the ol' rum in the belly (not enough to be a good excuse) and strange thoughts and turns of phrase did come upon me.
    "[Fighting for Points] is doubtless very pretty, and invariably draws applause, but preferences should always be given to blows that do some business, to good straight hits that do something toward finishing the fight.
    A man who has carefully trained for brilliant tapping play, will find himself considerably out of it in case he is called upon to do any real work."
    -A.J. Newton, Boxing.
  4. Virus is offline
    Virus's Avatar

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Aug 2005
    Location
    Australia
    Posts
    6,967

    Posted On:
    4/30/2007 1:05am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Judo

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    If you're posting drunk the best thing to do is just rant and troll against stupid styles.
  5. colonelpong2 is offline

    Senior Member

    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    3,090

    Posted On:
    4/30/2007 4:54am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Kickboxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Epicurus
    This was it. Lee's imaginary opponent was about to become real. And, much to his amazement, he was shaking and he felt a rush of blood boiling in his head, his legs shaking, his muscles tensing up. He felt afraid and tense!

    "AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" said Lee.

    Jason held his arms out on either side of him and tilted his head back. "Go ahead," he said. "Punch me, little guy. Take the first shot."

    Lee didn't take offense at Jason's insult. "PLEASE DON'T RAPE MY ASS!" Lee said.

    "Okay, have it your way," Jason said. "If the only way you'll fight me is karate-style, then I guess that's what we'll have to do."

    Without any warning, Jason then ran at Lee with a fake sounding kiai. "Haaaaa!" he shouted. His leg flew upward, though it was straight and stiff, more like a football kick than a karate kick.

    Smoothly, and without thought, Lee got hit right in the ballsack by the front kick. Clutching his smashed scrotum, Lee did his best to shuffle away from his attacker. Lee then lunged forward into a low stance to follow up with a punch to the nose, but Jason took a small step back and avoided the amazingly telegraphed punch. He held his clenched fists up in front of his face like a boxer, seemingly leaving his rib cage exposed.

    Seeing an opening, Lee shouted, "I'll show you the real way to kick!" and stepped in with a front kick to Jason's short ribs, only to find that his toe contacted the bottom of Jason's elbow, breaking Lee's foot. "OH **** ME MY FOOT I BROKE MY FUCKING FOOT!!!", said Lee as he pulled back his leg. It would seem that a boxing guard does not leave the ribs quite as exposed as Lee's wise old sensei had told him!

    Jason stepped forward with his chin tucked in tight and threw a couple of quick jabs at Lee's face -without a kiai or a horse stance or even dropping his other hand to his waist! The jabs scattered Lee's rigid defense, cleaing the way for a massive hook to the liver.

    "Ooooooooofff," said Lee as he collapsed, "**** I'm hit I'm dying my fucking stomach please god."

    Jason pulled his leg up and brough it down on Lee's shin - more like a heel stomp than a karate kick - over and over until Lee's shin bone broke through his skin and blood soaked his sweatpants. As he lost consciousness from the pain, Lee's bowels released and urine soaked his crotch, while the mac-and-cheese from lunchtime found its way out as well.

    "Ewww, he **** himself!" said Jason, backing away. "Gross! **** this noise!"

    Jason and the other children left Lee where he was, lying crippled in his own waste. And that day, Lee was able to keep from being beaten further by soiling himself, a Karate skill that he made great use of from that day forward!
    I thought this was some seriously funny ****!
    But then again, I laughed at ray romano once. ONCE.
  6. Sokaku is offline

    Registered Member

    Join Date
    Apr 2006
    Location
    Belgium
    Posts
    531

    Posted On:
    5/01/2007 5:08pm


     Style: Muay thai - Kickboxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Epicurus
    ...
    Funniest post in this thread, along with the ****** joke.
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