The Nutrider's Martial Arts Glossary.

**Virus** · Posted On: 3/16/2007 9:10pm

Originally Posted by ggboxer

Nobody on this **** knows what they are talking about I have the real kung fu training from the traditional kwoon. My master says I am now prepared to handle most people from all other styles. I want to hear some real respect on this so called "martial arts" forum. Again, why must people criticize?

Please get pissed off and start arguments on comedy threads.

**Steve** · Posted On: 3/16/2007 9:47pm

Originally Posted by ggboxer

Nobody on this **** knows what they are talking about I have the real kung fu training from the traditional kwoon. My master says I am now prepared to handle most people from all other styles. I want to hear some real respect on this so called "martial arts" forum. Again, why must people criticize?

ORLY?

http://kwoon.com/

**SpringHeeledJack** · Posted On: 3/16/2007 10:57pm

That fucker's a troll, and a lousy one at that. It's already been banned once for pulling the same ****. It wouldn't even be so bad if the fucker was good at it, but it's nothing more than a failure. **** you douche.

**FickleFingerOfFate** · Posted On: 3/17/2007 7:34am

Originally Posted by ggboxer

Nobody on this **** knows what they are talking about I have the real kung fu training from the traditional kwoon. My master says I am now prepared to handle most people from all other styles. I want to hear some real respect on this so called "martial arts" forum. Again, why must people criticize?

**Uri Shatil** · Posted On: 3/17/2007 8:49am

It's all in good fun, man. These people have been rippin' on Ninjutsu since page one, you think I really give a ****? It's a COMEDY FORUM. And it's not even like we're exclusivly making fun of your martial art, we've been tearing apart every martial art out there. Or, at least, that's our goal. Now, if you'll excuse me...

Wrestling: A sport scored on a points system with many rules and illegal moves. Because of it's nature as a sport and not a martial art, it really shouldn't be used for real-world fighting. But try telling that to the MMA guys.

Greco-Roman Wrestling: Like above, except you can't grab your opponent's legs. It ends up looking more like two huge, muscular, powerful men trying to poke a whole under the opponent's arms. Absolutely useless in real-world situations, where your opponent might, God forbid, go for those two big things you have under your torso.

**Ke?poFist** · Posted On: 3/17/2007 9:48am

Ke?po: A style that has absorbed the dead drills and patterns of every other style of martial arts. We take the worst from everything, and call it our own. You can tell how deadly a Ke?poka is by counting his patches, or checking the length of his mullet. The more and longer, the deadlier. Kempoka realize the need for balance between mysticism and REAL "reality" (paranoid reality), for a martial art to be taken seriously by their target market; Skinny insecure teenage boys, overweight wannabe military LARPers.

They accomplish this by combining pseudo-science such as "rebounding" (slapping yourself in the chest mid-fight), and utilizing as many anatomical references as they can into every demonstration to distract the student from the impracticality of the technique (ie: "When you kick, you want to drive the lower third quarter of your heel into the lateral collateral ligament. A common beginner mistake is to not step through into a 45 degree angle facing their opponents left infraspinatus muscle, which causes you to drive the kick into the medial collateral ligament, which will OBVIOUSLY *smug smile* not get you your desired result.")

The overuse of dragons, tiger, fist, and Yin Yang patches, Japanese/Chinese titles (sometimes both) with english formal titles such as Professor, Master, Sir, snazzy karate gi's with Kanji embroidered belts, and a few American flag patches, adds just enough asian flare yet American patriotism for the average American sinophillic's tastes.

Whether the art is 60 years old or 6000 years old is up to debate, but most acknowledge it was either invented by Samurai's or Bodhidharma. One thing that cannot be mistaken is that Ke?po is the deadliest style about, because they invented "soft target areas" on the human body that can be exploited, such as the eyes, throat, groin, spine, temple, and....nipples. Without them, we'd all still be doing brutish things like boxing or grappling. Think about it.

**sochin101** · Posted On: 3/17/2007 9:59am

Shotokan: An art too deadly for circular movements, sidestepping, or evasion in any way. In fact, evasion is cowardice. Side-stepping insinuates you are somehow afraid of being reverse-punched.
All techniques must be performed in a perfectly straight line. Forwards and backwards.
Indeed, it is said that the straightness of the straighest roads in the word can be attributed to a wiley road-maker in a tarmac laying machine following two well-conditioned Shotokan practitioners sparring.

**Permalost** · Posted On: 3/17/2007 10:13am

Tai Chi Chuan: a style focusing on training for a fast chaotic two person encounter by training in a slow structured way all by yourself.

**Uri Shatil** · Posted On: 3/17/2007 2:09pm

TKD: The ultimate methods of fighting with your feet.

**justabill** · Posted On: 3/17/2007 3:26pm

JKD: We took a dead Asian guy's philosophy and made it in to the whopper of martial arts (have it your way). :icon_quee <--- that's like the burger king dude, dude.