Posted On:3/12/2007 12:26am
The Nutrider's Martial Arts Glossary.
Aikido: A Japanese style in which practitioners seek to achieve enlightenment and unity with the cosmos by repeatedly running at each other and falling over.
Ninjitsu: Guerrilla techniques for use in feudal Japanese Warfare largely invented in the early 20th century.
Wing Chun: (aka Ving Tsun, _ing _un, the _un, t3h _ing, wing-to-the-motherfucking-chun.)
Chinese martial art which comes in two forms - False wing chun which is anything that has ever been seen on camera and Real wing chun which is anything a practitioner says he does. Those that dislike the _ing generally see it the other way round.
Kung-fu: Roughly translates as "silk pajamas" on account of it's practitioners wearing more silk jammies than Hugh Hefner.
Monkey style: Martial art system in which the practitioner attempts to appear so mentally retarded that they simply aren't worth beating up.
Bujinkan: Translates as "Divine hall of martial cosplay" in which practitioners learn the most efficient and effective methods of fighting people that don't move.
Genbukan: See above.
Systema: A bizarre system of exercises so exhausting that one must compensate by consuming vast quantities of buttered lard.
Japanese Jujitsu: A collection of discarded judo techniques.
Western "Japanese" Jujitsu: A collection of discarded judo techniques someone found in a book plus whatever judo he can remember from when he was a kid.
Brazilian Jiujitsu: What all the above wish they did.
Aliveness: Timing, motion and resistance. In the context of sport martial arts it refers to the standard method of training, in the context of traditional martial arts it refers to the same rubbish all the other schools are doing plus ten minutes of wildly thrashing around and trading headlocks.
RBSD: See Western "Japanese" Jujitsu but includes combat fatigues.
Last edited by Virus; 3/12/2007 4:05am at .
Posted On:3/12/2007 3:59am
Posted On:3/12/2007 4:10am
So well defined, crown for that man.
Here, hold these for me.
Posted On:3/12/2007 6:01am
Style: jkd concepts
Kuk Sool (aka Suk Tool): Yet another Korean MA which got all it's
techniques from non-Korean MA. Most jointlocks came from a Korean
who studied a JAPANESE (YES JAPANESE!!!!) system of Daito Ryu and
then passed it down for a tidy sum to the founders of Kuk Sool.
The same founders in early textbooks on Suk Tool admit that they were
advanced students under said Daito Ryu expert. However, much later
one of these founders changed his story and said that they merely
knew each other by reputation.
Suk Tool icorporates only the ghayest techniques from kung fu. Most
notably, praying mantis (aka "tard hand") is under=developed mantis.
It looks like one of the Suh brothers was really drunk or had a severe
learning disability while he was watching someone pretend to fight
like a praying mantis. The tiger, dragon, crane and snake techniques
are equally shitty.
Not that it matters since trying to fight like an animal is BS anyway.
The weapons look just like CMA weapons complete with _ing _un
short swords that have been carved down just a little. Even the
bladed weapons have tassles. The funny thing is to listen to the
Suk Tool True BelieversTM insist that everything
in their...uh..."arsenal" is completely Korean. HA!
And no description of Suk Tool would be complete without mentioning
TH3 FLUFFY PINK FANS!!!!
Last edited by jkdbuck76; 3/12/2007 6:03am at .
"The seventh law of thermodynamics is that every time a fat person gets near a trapdoor, they fall in. Itís the closest thing we have to scientific proof of God."
Enforcer of Northeast Anti-Silliness Department Inc.
Posted On:3/12/2007 6:10am
Style: Kaju, BJJ, Judo, Kempo
I liked it, but I thought this was a nutriders glossary? As in the definitions the nutriders of those arts would use? Anyway, I like this one better :)
Knowing is not enough, you must apply...
...Willing is not enough you must do ~Bruce Lee
Posted On:3/12/2007 10:41am
Sambo: A version of Judo modified after certain Russian experts came to the conclusion that the traditional gi pants didn't have enough gay.
Posted On:3/12/2007 10:42am
Omega's gonna kill you for that.
It should be SAMBO. It's an acronym.
Jiu Jitsu - Sometimes passing just isn't an option.
Posted On:3/12/2007 11:13am
Style: BJJ, Unauthorized Judo
BJJ (Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu) - Because using a gay Brazilian man's inability to resist the missionary position as an effective form of self defense is so "T3h 1r0Nic"!
*Note* I will probably go to hell for that one.
Posted On:3/12/2007 11:33am
Style: Wing Chun, Hung Gar
Worst thread of 2007.
Guess which finger is the fickle one...
Posted On:3/12/2007 1:23pm
Style: Karate/ Arnis
Tae Kwon Do -
Translated from Korean= Show Me the Money. Rumors persist that there are good TKD Dojangs to be found, but the plethora of McDojos is so pervasive that finding one is a lifelong quest, and anyone that actually locates it is sworn to secrecy. Possibly the most bastardized traditional art on the planet. Not all TKD is bad, but its the 2 million McDojos that spoil it for the 3 good ones.
Tung Soo Do -
A rose by any other name... See Tae Kwon Do.
American Freestyle Karate -
An amalgamation of any technique from any traditional art that is judged to look cool.
It may or may not be effective. It's strictly a crapshoot as to how good or bad the Instructors are. Quality is usually inversely proportional to the gaudiness of the uniform and the number of patches adorning said eyesore.
Last edited by FickleFingerOfFate; 3/12/2007 1:27pm at .
If you can't laugh at yourself,
Others will be happy to do it for you. :evil6:
The 2 most abundant elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.
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