Kung fu tech support: All other tech support companies evolved from us. Therefore we have it all.
Kung fu tech support: A buddhist monk taught us our tech support secrets.
Kung fu tech support: Here's a manual for the commodore 64, read it and troubleshoot the issues with this new dual core system.
(No, I don't hold grudges!)
Kungfu tech support: You aren't using the real Windows. Nobody has seen the real Windows. Only I have the real Windows.
Last edited by Virus; 2/06/2007 9:09pm at .
Welcome to Bujinkan tech support this is Jeff.
Jeff? Don't you also do tech support for wing chun?
No sir, that's my twin brother.
um, you have a twin brother also called Jeff?
Yes that's right sir.
um..ok...that's a little wierd...
What's wierd sir?
Nevermind. I'm having some problems with my bujinkan. I've read through the manual and it says nothing about groundfighting.
Don't go to the ground sir.
Wha..? But what if I have to?
If your taijutsu is good you shouldn't have to go to the ground sir.
Well, ok, but let's just say I can't help it and I end up there, what do I do?
Taijutsu works on the ground too sir. If your standup is good, your ground skills will be good.
Ummm.. I'm not sure about that but anyway I'm also having problems when sparring with sportfighters. I don't think the wrist locks and stuff really applies from a grecco or thai clinch.
That's becuase you are fighting thier fight. That's not what we're about.
But I can't help it, they just collar tie me and I don't know how to counter.
You have the wrong idea about the art sir. We aren't about fighting toe to toe.
Well what do I do? They come at me and shoot for the takedown while I'm in ichimonji. We never did the counter to that.
What...you mean with a gun?
Yes sir. Take him out with a scoped out rifle when he leaves for work in the morning.
What?! That's a little extreme isn't it?
OK sir, you could try and carbomb.
No. I'm not shooting and blowing people up. I just want some self defence.
Well this is what you have to do to survive on the deadly street sir. We are ninjas after all.
OK, well maybe I should just crosstrain in BJJ or something.
No sir. You will void your warranty if you do that. Besides, you'll pick up bad habits from them.
Like what? Actual fighting skills?
Haha sir. Don't mock the art. Takamatsu fought sixty people in a deathmatch once. It's in a book.
Yeah well, speaking of books I read that bujinkan doesn't have real ninjitsu and that there's no evidence of ninjitsu lineage.
I'm sorry sir I'm going to have to terminate this call..
..wait I just...
Sir this call is over. Good day.
TKD McDojo tech support - The more you spend, the higher the version you'll receive, for no noticable improvements.
Dim Mak tech support - Your computer is too powerful to be used in any situation
Aikido tech support - the oldest versions will run better. They'll only interface with similar computers, any networking with other styles will result in non-compliance issues (slightly stolen joke)
Originally Posted by PockSuppet
Dim Mak Representative: Hello, Dim Mak tech support?
Clueless: Hi, my computer just died while I was searching about Dim Mak.
Dim Mak Representative: Oh, congrats, that's what is supposed to happen.
*click, dial tone.......................*
Dim Mak Tech Support: Our software has worked for thousands of users the world over, in many public demonstrations. Your computer may have its power cord lying on its ethernet cable. That voids the warrenty.
Tai Chi Tech Support: Have you tried waving your hands really slowly in front of the screen?
Fang Shen Do Tech Support:
Caller: I purchased t3h D34dly S3kr3tz for t3h Str33tz, volumes 1-3, but all I got was a box filled with dog ****.
Coda Scott Tech Support: I love Jesus.
John LaTourrette Tech Support: Have you tried hitting the esc key REALLY FAST!!
konigun tech support: clueless; hey my comp doent seem to work
konigun: im afraid you cant say that sort of thing sir.
konigun: you will be hearing from our grand masters lawer within the week sir
clueless: hey it works it works!
konigun:we am to please, (click)
BJJ Tech Support: No Sir. No Sir. It's only gay if you . . . oh you made eye contact. . . .
The computer tells me I have a crush on Virus, err Virus will you have my man-babies....
Bujinkan Tech Support
TS: Bujinkan Tech Support, How can I help you?
C: Well, I've been in the BJK for 5 years and just passed my 5th dan test and I am afraid my techniques don't work.
C: I tried sparring with ...
TS: STOP! you are too deadly to spar. Do, you want your sparring parnter to die?
C: Well no. But he didn't die, instead he mounted me then poked me in the face repeatively laughing
TS: Well you must of been holding back.
C: I was really trying!
TS: If he is not dead, then you weren't.
TS: DON'T QUESTION THE ART. HATSUMI KILLED 50 MEN WITH NOTHING BUT HIS KILLING ENGERY, DO YOU WANT HIM TO KILL YOU WITH ONLY A THOUGHT!
TS: I'm sorry I didn't mean to yell. You just don't get it yet, let me take away that 5th dan.
C: No!!!! I travel to Japan for this, I get the art, I get it now.
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