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  1. #1
    alex's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!

    how martial arts is like a beach

    so i was lazing at the beach this morning yet again, and decided id go in for a swim. the water here is still freezing cold because its only recently started being summer. so of course i wade in a bit, take a few manbreaths, then jump under the water and splash about like a spaz. then i turned around and looked at the other people on the beach and made some startling observations on why the beach is so similar to martial arts.

    first you have the watchers. people who sit on the sidelines and do nothing under their umbrellas, while still wearing their shirts and pants. these are the people who you see at fights in the crowd (at a venue, or a schoolyard ruckus or whatever) who are content to watch but never actually do.

    then you have the guys and girls who rip out the lotion and cover themselves in it to get that nice tan. these people are the majority of traditional martial artists- they make their appearance and want to look good but havent got the balls to get in the water and are only there so that they can show off. they maybe cant even swim but they never try, just sit around claiming they are fucking deadly at swimming but the water has too much salt or something.

    then you have the people who wade out a little, usually until the water hits their pecker, and then sigh, then turn back. they got a taste, and they wanted it, but they didnt want it enough. these are the guys who come to a real martial arts school, realise how hard it is and cant hack it, and leave after a few weeks.

    then theres people like me who hesitate a bit, not sure if they really want to take the plunge. but they do it anyway not because they think its a good idea but because they cant stand the idea of being that guy who turned back. once they are in the water its lovely and they enjoy it but when they come back the next day they still might hesitate a little before jumping in.

    then theres the surfer whos been out there since 7am. hes there every day carving **** up even if he has to dodge icebergs. this is the guy who couldnt think of himself as doing anything else- the idea of not jumping in never crosses his mind. these are the john wayne parrs and Fedors of the beach.

    then theres the beach itself. hot women are abundant, theres quite a few sunning themselves but the real hotties are out in the waves. where the people sunbathing are is warm and happy, but if a swimmer comes past and drops water on them they panic and grow scared.

    oh and theres some idiot skinny white kid practicing dry land swimming. he probably does wing chun.

  2. #2
    Sophist's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Alex
    so i was lazing at the beach this morning yet again, and decided id go in for a swim. the water here is still freezing cold because its only recently started being summer.
    You fucking *****.

    I was swimming off Oneroa Beach on Waiheke Island at the end of November. The water was lovely, for peculiarly Scottish values of the word. I can't believe it's taken you until January to man up and get in.

    Actually, scratch the "man up". The two girls I was there with were both swimming too, and they were Kiwis, so you've no excuse.

    P.S. If your reply contains lame excuses about "microclimates" I shall snigger at your expense.

  3. #3

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    Haha nice one, I wondering where WC would fit into it.

  4. #4
    TehDeadlyDimMak's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Sophist
    You fucking *****.

    I was swimming off Oneroa Beach on Waiheke Island at the end of November. The water was lovely, for peculiarly Scottish values of the word. I can't believe it's taken you until January to man up and get in.

    Actually, scratch the "man up". The two girls I was there with were both swimming too, and they were Kiwis, so you've no excuse.

    P.S. If your reply contains lame excuses about "microclimates" I shall snigger at your expense.
    Oh yeah?! Well I've been swimming bareback at the polar ice caps with my pet polar bear Diego.

  5. #5

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    Alex-

    Martial Arts isnt like a beach...life is a beach.

  6. #6

    Join Date
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sophist
    You fucking *****.

    I was swimming off Oneroa Beach on Waiheke Island at the end of November. The water was lovely, for peculiarly Scottish values of the word. I can't believe it's taken you until January to man up and get in.

    Actually, scratch the "man up". The two girls I was there with were both swimming too, and they were Kiwis, so you've no excuse.

    P.S. If your reply contains lame excuses about "microclimates" I shall snigger at your expense.
    not all of us have that lovely irish intellect to swim in a ocean in november either(no offense).

  7. #7
    Das Moose's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Axelton
    not all of us have that lovely irish intellect to swim in a ocean in november either(no offense).
    Swimming in the irish sea (it doesn't matter what time of the year, it's never warm) is quite possibly the best hangover cure ever. I'm not kidding.

  8. #8

    Join Date
    Feb 2006
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Alex
    so i was lazing at the beach this morning yet again, and decided id go in for a swim. the water here is still freezing cold because its only recently started being summer. so of course i wade in a bit, take a few manbreaths, then jump under the water and splash about like a spaz. then i turned around and looked at the other people on the beach and made some startling observations on why the beach is so similar to martial arts.

    first you have the watchers. people who sit on the sidelines and do nothing under their umbrellas, while still wearing their shirts and pants. these are the people who you see at fights in the crowd (at a venue, or a schoolyard ruckus or whatever) who are content to watch but never actually do.

    then you have the guys and girls who rip out the lotion and cover themselves in it to get that nice tan. these people are the majority of traditional martial artists- they make their appearance and want to look good but havent got the balls to get in the water and are only there so that they can show off. they maybe cant even swim but they never try, just sit around claiming they are fucking deadly at swimming but the water has too much salt or something.

    then you have the people who wade out a little, usually until the water hits their pecker, and then sigh, then turn back. they got a taste, and they wanted it, but they didnt want it enough. these are the guys who come to a real martial arts school, realise how hard it is and cant hack it, and leave after a few weeks.

    then theres people like me who hesitate a bit, not sure if they really want to take the plunge. but they do it anyway not because they think its a good idea but because they cant stand the idea of being that guy who turned back. once they are in the water its lovely and they enjoy it but when they come back the next day they still might hesitate a little before jumping in.

    then theres the surfer whos been out there since 7am. hes there every day carving **** up even if he has to dodge icebergs. this is the guy who couldnt think of himself as doing anything else- the idea of not jumping in never crosses his mind. these are the john wayne parrs and Fedors of the beach.

    then theres the beach itself. hot women are abundant, theres quite a few sunning themselves but the real hotties are out in the waves. where the people sunbathing are is warm and happy, but if a swimmer comes past and drops water on them they panic and grow scared.

    oh and theres some idiot skinny white kid practicing dry land swimming. he probably does wing chun.
    I like it I like it...

    I was just thinking about those people that go into the water up to mid-thigh then just stand there for the next three hours....Are this the people that do kata and nothing else?

    Hmm...got me thinking now...Does this make an octopus a grappler?

    And what about sharks?

  9. #9

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    how many drunks die each year from falling in the irish sea during winter?

  10. #10
    sasquatch989's Avatar
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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    And then there is George Dillman.....He is the shark in the water ready to take a no-touch bite out of your ass.

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