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  1. OnceLost is offline
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    Posted On:
    11/28/2006 10:34am

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     Style: Ke?po, MMA ultra-newb

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Diary,

    Godammit! I’m so angry I can barely write -- and my hand hurting like hell doesn't help! I am so tired of people not believing me! Always asking for ‘verifiable’ information…fuck them! Don’t they know I’m Jiggy Himmins?? Are THEY 6th Dan in Combat Tukong – **** no! Is there no one else with the training to understand the concepts I mention? As if I would bother teaching them stuff when they haven’t even bothered to do some basic research!

    Sorry I tore your page with that writing, diary, I’m just fed up with these guys. Today, I was at the flea market looking at the shuraken…sherikin…(why can’t I remember that damn word?)…well, the throwing stars. You know, seeing if that fat lady who works the cart can cut me a deal. I think it was going pretty well, ‘cause I was able to ignore the hair growing out of that mole on her second chin and I got her to agree to sell me five throwing stars for $3. I was trying to explain to her that I wanted the large ones so I could hold them in my hand like a knife, right, because that’s how I fight. She was all like, “That’s pretty cool,” but this fucking dork walking by just laughed and said he wanted to see videos of it. I told him to get the hell away from me or I’d **** his 6’6” ass up and he just walked away. I knew he would, because my ki aura has become really powerful recently. Than the fat lady said she couldn’t hear what I muttered but I didn’t want to offend a lady (especially not one with that many chins), so I just bought a few more throwing stars and left.

    I went back to the house, set up the video camera in the basement, and grabbed my favorite throwing star. It’s my only 6 incher and it fits my hand real nice…plus, the blades make a great hissing sound when I spin my arm real fast. Anyway, I set up the camera to take some video of me wailing on the wavemaster – I even took about half of the water out of the base to make it look all dramatic and **** when I punch it. I was a little worried about cutting through the Century logo with the throwing star, cause the bag is in GREAT condition – not a single sign of wear in all the years I’ve owned it! – but I figured that was a sacrifice I would make to educate the less fortunate. So I did a little atomic level meditation to strengthen my mitochondria, got a good grip, and started a little education session for that muscle bound punk. The first punch went really well, it was a left jab that I was going to use to set up the punch with the throwing star, but then there must have been some weird subcrustaceaneous resonance or a minor earthquake or something because I got distracted and ended up cutting the **** out of my hand. There was no earthquake in the news (I checked after I got down downloading that Jenna Jameson video), so I think it was a universal Ki shift. Those happen every once in a while - just my bad luck that I didn't have time to adjust. Now I’m writing with a band-aid between my thumb and forefinger, another below my pinky, and a big ass wad of gauze taped to my wrist. It hurts like hell and…dammit, it’s starting to bleed again. Hang on…

    Alright, I used my other hand to press down firmly on the bandage for about 30 seconds while I used some subatomic level meditation to slow my heartbeat, so it stopped bleeding. I’ll do some ki breathing later tonight to speed the healing process.

    This little incident made me think, though – maybe people would get something out of the memoir if I put some stories about pressure point healing in there. There is so much pain in the world (and my hand) right now, that I think everyone would benefit from the healing powers I can show them.

    Like that time when Sebastian came down with that head cold and his mom brought him to class anyway. I hate when parents do that, but they just make jokes about the Tukong Daycare and walk out! Anyway, his nose was all stuffed up and he had a real sore throat, so I let him sit in the lobby during class and play Legend of Zelda on my GameBoy. When I checked on him, he had this big ass trail of green snot running from one nostril to his upper lip that completely weirded me out. I made him go wipe his nose and then I put some extra strength tiger balm on his upper lip, touched some of the pressure points on his arm, and I gave him a couple swigs of Nyquil from the bottle on my desk – you know, diary, that bottle I fortified with a few shots of Captain Morgans. I checked on him twenty minutes later and the pressure points had worked! His nose wasn’t stuffed up and his sore throat wasn’t bothering him anymore! His mom came to pick him up right after that and she was amazed at his recovery, but then she started freaking out while I was showing her the stress-relieving pressure points on the inside of the thigh. See, Sebastian had helped himself to the rest of my Nyquil (that big bottle I bought at the wholesale place) and he was seeing double and starting to slur a little bit. She wanted to take him to the hospital, but I told her to take him home and give him a few cups of coffee and I’d stop by after class to check on him. I did and he was fine, although I hear he had a headache the next morning.

    ****! That story sucks! I just can’t come up with anything really interesting…alright, what do you think of this, diary?
    Quote Originally Posted by tukong
    2 years ago, one of my students, Sebastian Lynott, who was 15, went on a skiing trip with a head cold. He had an accident and hit his head pretty hard. Sebastian is a great smart funny good redheaded, freckle-faced teenager. Great TKD students too.

    His mother called me one Tuesday night to say he was feeling badly and would not make class. Okay. She called on Thursday night and said he was going to the INOVA hospital in Alexandria Virginia to be checked out. So he would miss that class too. He was seeing double and triple and slurring his speech and she thought his skiing accident was the problem when he hit his head. I told her to keep me informed and that he can make up the classes when he got better.

    She called me that Sunday in tears. She said Sebastian was going in and out of a coma and they doctors had done every test they could think of. They had no clue why he was having this trouble. They were going to transport him to John Hopkins Children's Hospital in Baltimore where they said the best doctors in the country could examine him. I told her to keep me informed of what the "experts" found.

    She called me again that Wednesday, said Sebastian was in a coma, and his systems were shutting down. The "Expert" doctors at John Hopkins Children's Hospital had run every diagnostic, MRI, CAT scan, Blood test etc. they had and nothing. They did not know why Sebastian was dying. Healthy kids 2 weeks ago and now in a coma with the country's best doctors and best equipment with no clue.

    I asked her to tell me exactly what happened and the situation of the accident. She told me and I knew exactly what the trouble was. I told her to tell the doctors, that he has an infection in his brain. Sebastian had hit his head and ruptured the Blood-brain barrier (look it up) and the cold that was circulating in his blood got past that vital filter. This was my professional opinion. She was in tears and asked me why the doctors would not know this? I said I did not know what they knew or why, only that they would kill him if they did not realize this and let his body kill the disease that was causing his brain to become dysfunctional and shut down his vital organs. She said she would tell them right away.

    She called me back two days later, crying hysterically. Apparently, the "Experts had told her there was nothing they could do and they did not know why he was dying. They named a completely new disease after Sebastian’s condition. They called it Daily Degenerative Syndrome (DDS). His vital organs were becoming more dysfunctional daily. The had told her that he had about 2 weeks before his body complete shut down and he would be dead. SO of course she was hysterical and called me, the only guy that seemed have any clue why her son was in a coma and dying.
    I asked her what the doctors said about the brain infection. She said they patronized her but they assured her that was not the trouble. IDIOTS!

    I calmed her down and told her that Sebastian would be fine if she treated him the way I was going to tell her. She listened. I said you have to make him as hot as his body wants. Cover him up and especially his head. Let him get so hot he has a fever of 104. Once he get that and starts going to 105 cool him down to about 100 and then do it again. I want you to make him sweat.


    She said he was sweating profusely and the doctors had two IVs running full open because he was losing so much water and becoming so dehydrated. She confirmed that the doctors were keeping him cooled and giving him medicine to stop a fever. IDIOTS! And yeah, I said that to her that time. She was shocked. I told her make them stop giving him ANY medicine and do what I told her. She wanted to know what if they said no? I told her they have given up on him already told you; he will die if they keep doing what they are doing, right? Yes. So you have nothing to lose by doing what I am saying. They say Sebastian will be dead in two weeks. So taking away a fever medicine will not matter anyway, right? Yes. Good. So if they object tell them to go do some more tests or something and do what I told you. The "experts" are going to let him die. I will not.

    So she said she would and she did exactly what I said. Within 6 or 8 hours. I forget. Sebastian came out of his coma! The doctors had no idea why? She was so happy, called me, told me he was awake but still non-responsive, and could not speak. I told her he will get better rapidly and that I would drive over to Baltimore as soon as I finished teaching my last class at 8. I should be in Baltimore by 9pm or so. She was very happy to hear that I was coming personally.

    I got there and Sebastian was drifting between wake and sleep. No doctors were there, as he seemed to be recovering a little and the night shift was more a maintenance crew than the power doctors during the daytime.

    I said hello to her and to Sebastian who did not respond, but I kept talking to him and I checked his Ki patterns and energy flows. His mother was asking what I was doing and to explain, but there was no way to explain something she did not have the background or understanding of. I told her I was just checking his vitals. Then I went to the end of his bed, uncovered his right foot, and hit a few pressure points and his eyes opened. She was standing by his bed the whole time.

    I said, "Good Morning sunshine," and teased him as I hit more pressure points and started my Ki breathing. He mumbled a barely intelligible, "oalo ir." (Hello Sir.) He knew who I was. I told him to tell me when he feels is his heart. His mother wanted to know what I was going to do as I started pushing Ki energy up his right leg and repeated to him to tell me when he feels his heart. He mumbles, his leg was tingling and even his mother understood his words. She said and the backs of my knees are tingling too! What are you doing? I told her to let go of his hand and that she should not touch him while I did this. She did and just watched as I continued to do Ki Breathing and pushing more and more energy through his body.

    He said much more coherently that his arm was tingling and felt funny. I said good and just kept saying to tell me when he felt his heart. He reported feeling his right side getting warmer and feeling weird. His mother just watched started to cry. His speech was getting better by the second.

    Finally, he smiled a very small smile and said he felt his heart! in an excited mumble. I stopped my Ki breathing and covered his foot again with his sheets and blankets. His mother was in tears. She did not know how I did or what exactly I did, but she saw instant improvement in her son that was dying in a coma earlier that day.

    I asked Sebastian to do the Spock thing with his hands to check his brain functions and nervous system control of fine motor skills. He was shaky but did it several times opening and closing his Vulcan hand gesture. ;)

    His mother was near hysteria. I started asking her questions to calm her as I kept hitting pressure points on Sebastian’s upper arm and neck and she did calm down.

    Then I told Sebastian to make a sidekick foot position with both his feet as I uncovered them. He slowly raised his leg and made the correct foot adjustments to make a flat edge for a side kick. His right side was better than his left in doing this. His mother immediately looked concerned and I teased Sebastian, "Your left side always was worse in your kicks. You need to practice more to balance both sides." He said, pretty clearly, "esir".

    That was when the doctor walked in to check on him. I told his mother to bring him by after he was well enough to go home. The Doctor started getting an ear full form Sebastian who started explaining to her what I had told him was his problem and how his body had fixed it and what I did to his leg and through to his heart. He was not completely coherent, but he was excited to be talking. She listened and was amazed at his recovery and his abilities having just come out of a coma a few hours ago and being so non-responsive the last time she checked on him. The mother said it was because of me and introduced me to the doctor as Mr. Higgins Sebastian’s martial arts teacher. I said hello but had to leave. His mother saw me out.

    She asked me why the doctors don't have me as a consultant here? I laughed and she was joking of course. She thanked me for saving his life and promised to bring him by as soon as he could. Sebastian’s father was just coming back form getting food and coffee as I was leaving. She introduced me to him and started telling her Ex-husband what had just happened and what I had done. It was sort of embarrassing to hear her tell it like I did something miraculous. He was very glad to meet me and very happy that Sebastian had a Master that knew so much about the human body blah blah blah... Anyway I excused myself and I left.

    His mother did bring him by the Dojang 2 weeks later and that is where several people saw me do something really amazing to him with Ki. But that, is a different story.
    Sweet! I think that had just the right foreshadowing at the end; enough to catch a reader’s interest and make them want to know more about how cool I am! I just hope no one picks up on the weird **** in the story, like why a mother would want to walk me out and introduce me to her ex-husband rather than stay with her son, who had just come out of a coma. Oh well, that can’t be helped, I guess. Besides, most people aren’t smart enough to pick up on **** like that – hell, they probably still believe in chi or qi or some ****. I TRY to tell them, “Ki or nothing,” but they just don’t get it…

    Anyway, I’m really getting hot about the memoir idea! Seriously, what better way to inspire children than to tell them stories about my life? Plus, I’ll make some mega-CA$H!! That would be sweet – I could finally afford that wicked collapsible three-section-staff I’ve been checking out at the flea market. You know, the black aluminum one with the neon green LEDs on the ends. That’s right, bee-atch, nobody’d want a hit in the head from that bad boy!

    Anyway, I’ll write in you later, diary. I have to go change the bandage again- the universal Ki shift must have upset my mitochondrian platelets, so the blood isn’t clotting the way it should.
  2. OnceLost is offline
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    Posted On:
    11/28/2006 8:26pm

    Join us... or die
     Style: Ke?po, MMA ultra-newb

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Damn that was a long entry!
  3. Backdraft is offline

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    Posted On:
    11/29/2006 2:20pm


     Style: Shootfighting

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Mitochondrian meditation ftw.
  4. GoldenJonas is offline

    Light Heavyweight

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    Posted On:
    11/29/2006 2:43pm

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     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    I'm interested. I have to find the time to read the Higgins thread though. I just glanced over some of his posts and...well...I really don't know what to say...delusional barely scratches the surface of the guys psychosis.
  5. Epicurus is offline

    I'm grindin' 'till I'm tired...

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    Posted On:
    11/29/2006 3:32pm


     Style: Judo. Some BJJ/Kickboxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by GoldenJonas
    I'm interested. I have to find the time to read the Higgins thread though. I just glanced over some of his posts and...well...I really don't know what to say...delusional barely scratches the surface of the guys psychosis.
    A friend of mine majoring in Psychology mentioned that analyzing Jimmy's writing and attempting to discern whether he is seeking approval by consciously exxagreating or is simply a total delusional would be an interesting paper topic.

    Okay, so, no-one said that except for me. But if I had friends, and one of them was in psychology, and they wrote non-research papers, that friend would totally say that.
  6. pooeater is offline

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    Posted On:
    11/29/2006 3:38pm


     Style: MT/BJJ

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    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    bravo, keep it up
  7. GoldenJonas is offline

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    Posted On:
    11/29/2006 11:24pm

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     Style: BJJ

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by Epicurus
    A friend of mine majoring in Psychology mentioned that analyzing Jimmy's writing and attempting to discern whether he is seeking approval by consciously exxagreating or is simply a total delusional would be an interesting paper topic.

    Okay, so, no-one said that except for me. But if I had friends, and one of them was in psychology, and they wrote non-research papers, that friend would totally say that.
    That is gold right there. I can shut off teh internets and go to bed with a smile on my face now.
  8. OnceLost is offline
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    Posted On:
    11/30/2006 11:08am

    Join us... or die
     Style: Ke?po, MMA ultra-newb

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Dear Diary,

    Did you like the way I called you ‘dear’ that time? I thought you would. I think it might have sent a shiver down your spine…haha, see, that was funny because you’re a book and books have spines. Unlike me. When I started my training in Tukong, my instructor actually removed all of my bones and replaced them with specifically carved pieces of heartwood from a Korean ironoak that had been soaked in ditdajao ointment by an ancient samurai warrior training at the Shaolin temple. It was painful, but that’s part of the reason I’m so tough. There’s something you didn’t know, huh? You learn something every day, diary, you really do.


    Oh, and I have exciting news! I got an email from the “World Sake-sip Council,” who want to honor my lifelong devotion and achievements in martial arts. I’ve pawned a few pieces of grandma’s jewelry, so I should be able to afford the large certificate with the full-color printing AND a half page mention in the “Who’s Who of Modern Martial Artists” encyclopedia – that’s right, a half page in the Who’s Who of MMA!! That will prove to the few who doubt me that I am really am Jiggy Himmins and I really was there and I really did everything I say.

    I’ve been spending a lot of time doing atomic level meditation, so my hand is healing very nicely. I’m definitely not posting that video on the internet, that’s for damn sure. Those internet losers probably don’t even know enough to recognize that someone was deliberately attempting to influence my aura at the time! Oh, wait, let me see what I wrote earlier…okay, scratch that aura comment. Those internet losers probably don’t even know enough to recognize the universal ki shift that disrupted my grip on the throwing star at the time! Strangely enough, the scar on my wrist from throwing star is right over that scar I got during the assassination attempt back in ‘Nam – the one that I did for the Agency in the village of Dam Lai. Maybe I should tell that story in my memoirs…actually, on second thought, I think I’ll stick with my current theme: ki powers.

    Let’s see…it would probably be good if I could tell a story about Sebastian again, kinda make him a recurring character. He’d probably thank me for that, if he ever makes parole.

    Sebastian was one of my youngest students at 15 years old. Despite the fact that we don’t accept anyone under 18 years old as students unless they’ve already been training with us for three years, he showed convinced me early on that he’d be a worthy addition to the school. Besides, he had a very strong aura that was really easy to grab on to during our ki pulling drills – I could throw him all over the place from across the room.

    One day Sebastian and I were sparring kinda hard. It was rough stuff, diary, but we were moving at about 75% speed and taking care not to actually touch each other when we scored our points. Anyway, I was trying to show him how to set up a back jumping twist kick - I had centered my ki at my top three chakra so I could get some height with the kick, so I definitely wasn’t prepared when he came forward (when he was supposed to be stepping back, by the way) and caught me right in the nutsack with a rising foot blast toe poke. It hurt more than that time I tried to shave my arms with the potato peeler as a chi gung exercise! I think you already know, diary, that we don’t practice wearing athletic protectors because you don’t get to put one of those on when you’re chucking throwing stars at pimps on the mean streets of Austin, you know what I mean?

    So his kick surprised me for a second, but I deep some rapid shallow Ki breathing to soothe the aggravated mitochondria in my gonads and I was able to get control of myself fairly quickly. Then I figured it was time for a little education. Without letting him know that I recovered, I stumbled back and fell to the ground. I must have done it pretty convincingly, because everyone gasped like they really thought I was hurt. Knocking over the ancient hand carved statue of Buddha off the radio was a good touch, but I really wish it hadn’t broken (no worries, the lady at the flea market had a couple of them). Anyway, I pushed my Ki up into my face to make it turn purple as I pretended to gasp in pain and Sebastian fell right into my trap. He rushed over and kneeled next to me, wringing his hands and apologizing over and over again like a good student should. I let him sweat a little bit while we rolled me out of a fetal position and onto my back, while I was still consciously unfocusing my eyes and keeping my face purple…then, when he was starting to get really upset, I punched him right in the face.

    You’ve never seen anyone so surprised!! He made a cute little mewling noise as he fell back, kind of like the noise my cat makes when I practice low kicks with her, and when he sat up he had blood pouring down his face and shirt. One of the students said, “Fucking dick!” and I was impressed that they knew I could get little Jiggy up and jumping even after a kick to the groin. Anyway, Sebastian was sitting on the ground crying, so I rolled to me feet and told the class that you couldn’t underestimate an opponent – sometimes your enemy is sneaky and just waits to lure you in while they use their Ki to heal a wound you’ve given them. I must have pushed too much Ki to my boy-berries, though, because I couldn’t stand up all the way while I was teaching the class that important point.

    Then, to demonstrate the healing powers of Ki, I told Sebastian to stand up and tilt his head back. He shook his head no and refused to look at me while he pinched his nose, but I told him to stop being such a little ***** bitch because Korean soldiers (a special group, not the ROK marines) trained for thousands of years by taking full power punches to the face. That is part of the reason you can’t punch to the head in Tae Kwon Do – the Masters don’t want those TKDers to relearn the secrets that we’ve never forgotten in Tukong. Anyway, I got Sebastian to stand up and tilt his head back, so I put my hand on his chest and gently massaged several pressure points for about 45 seconds, then I told him to take his hand away. The bleeding had stopped!

    Hmm, not too bad, diary. I kind of like that story, but I want to tie in a little more about his previous injury and maybe something kind of dramatic. Like…nightmares! Yeah, stuff like Ki is part of the unconscientious mind, so it would fit right in if I mentioned bad dreams and stuff. Here we go…

    Quote Originally Posted by tukong
    When Sabastian' mother called me and said he was out of the hospital but had not slept in days and was very irritible and short-tempered, and he had terrible nightmares if he ever did sleep, I told her to bring him to the school. When he got there, I made him lay down on the crash mat that I use to teach gymnastics moves.

    His mother and the mother of one of my black belt students, whom I also have done Ki treatments too, watched me touch the bridge of his nose with my index finger for about 45 seconds as I talked to him. They saw me take my finger away and he sat up and blood poured down his face and shirt. I made him tilt his head back and the bleeding stopped in a few seconds. He said he felt better and I sent him home. That is what they saw, without any explanation by me of what I did or why.

    His mother called me the next day and said he had slept like a rock all night and no nightmares for the first time since leaving the hospital. She was very thankful. Sabastian called me later and asked if I could just touch people and make them bleed? I just said, since you were there and I just touched you and then you bled, what do you think? He was wanting to learn how I did that and what I did to him in the Hospital? I told him he would have to learn to breathe first and then it takes a few years to develop.
    Pretty damn good, if I do say so myself (which I do, because I AM Jiggy Himmins, regardless of who doubts me). I especially like the part about him wanting to learn how to touch someone and make them bleed. Heh, it would have completely blown his mind if I told him how truly powerful my aura was – when I was living with my girlfriend (the one who left me for the retarded bag boy at the grocery store), my aura was so intense that she would bleed at least once a month from…well, you know…’down there.’ Ohh, I’m feeling naughty in the pants, so I’m going to go watch that Jenna Jameson video I was downloading last night. I bet she’d like to see my little tukong-dong, eh? Damn skippy…

    - JH 6dCT

    PS Do you like my new signature? It stands for Jiggy Himmins 6th Dan Combat Tukong. That’s me, baby, and I know because I am HERE!
    Hmm, that isn’t quite as catchy as I hoped it would be…I’ll work on it for the next entry.
  9. Epicurus is offline

    I'm grindin' 'till I'm tired...

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    Posted On:
    11/30/2006 11:25am


     Style: Judo. Some BJJ/Kickboxing

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    Quote Originally Posted by OnceLost
    Anyway, Sebastian was sitting on the ground crying, so I rolled to me feet and told the class that you couldn’t underestimate an opponent – sometimes your enemy is sneaky and just waits to lure you in while they use their Ki to heal a wound you’ve given them.
    Lolz. $10 says that Jimmy actually did something like this to his students at least once before (like the pressure point KO story...)

    *foreshadow*
  10. Ronin.74 is offline

    霍氏八极拳徒弟

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    Posted On:
    11/30/2006 12:00pm


     Style: CMA,Muay Thai ,Yudo,TKD

    --
    Hell yeah! Hell no!
    It boggles my mind that anyone can be that fucking delusional.

    Great Thread!!
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