Posted On:1/02/2007 7:43pm
Style: CMA,Muay Thai ,Yudo,TKD
I can't stop reading about how big of a tool Jiggy is. I may need to go to rehab to kick this thread.
Posted On:1/02/2007 7:57pm
BDSM=lol, funny ****. :laughing6
Here's looking at you, squid.
Posted On:1/03/2007 7:13am
Style: Ke?po, MMA ultra-newb
If you liked BDSM, make sure you catch the organizations Jiggy is a member of:
Originally Posted by Jiggy Himmins
I helped create the massive Fedration for Adanced Rank Testers
I’m a well respected World Hombu Organization: Registered E-master
I’m recognized as an International Director of Internet-based Officiating Tests
My wall of qualifications is full of Certifications of Rank (Advanced Practicioner)
Last edited by OnceLost; 1/03/2007 9:40am at .
Posted On:1/03/2007 3:28pm
Whew!! I just finished a killer workout – one of those ‘nooners’ that my neighbor keeps telling me about. I’m not sure why he winks when he talks about them…he must have a twitch. I’ll ask him if he wants me to do some Ki healing with my new crystals.
I’m trying a new fitness program – one I ordered from a guy named Furey. That’s right, diary, you know a guy has to be a bad ass if his name is Furey!! Anyway, today I combined his workout with some of my own stuff, so I knocked out 15 pushups (the tough ones, where I’m on my toes instead of my knees), 25 crunches, and a full 45 minutes on my Segway. Well, it would have only taken 30 minutes, but I had to stop at Ms. Henderson’s house because the Segway ran out of juice when I was halfway around the block. It’s a good thing I had my mp3 player loaded up with Tukong Music for Self Defense Purposes…I would’ve loved to see someone mug me. Heh, I’ll bet they would have been surprised when I forwarded to track 74 and dropped them with “Panda Flogs the Dolphin.” Anyway, it was an uneventful ride other than having to plug in at Ms. Henderson’s for 15 minutes. But boy, I’m tired now…I actually had to pull the damn thing for three or four houses and it’s heavier than it looks! It’s a good thing I’m a 6th dan in Combat Tukong – not everyone could have handled it!!
That letter from Paladin Press really got me thinking, diary. I think I’ve been focusing so much on tukong in my memoir that I’ve neglected to include any stories about me. I mean, yeah, I might feature prominently in all of the stories, but most of them are really ABOUT tukong – I’m just the vehicle of expression. Does that make sense? No, it doesn’t really make any sense to me either, but I saw that phrase in an issue of High Times that I was reading at the mall while I was waiting for the cashier to check out everyone in line so no one would see me buy that Fundamentals of Ground-Fighting book. I’ve looked through it, by the way, and there seems to be a lot of tukong techniques that the Brazilians have just started doing on the ground, but that’s not what’s important right now.
So, diary, I thought I would write about the first time I knew that I had been gifted with special Ki powers. I was a child in a rough neighborhood. My mother had been single ever since after an elephant sat on my zoo-keeper father, killing him instantly. Actually, I guess it wasn’t instantly because the ME said he suffocated (I remember him trying not to laugh as he said it). Anyway, mom did the best she could but she couldn’t provide much. She had worked two jobs – working at a retail store during the day and working as a tour guide for our town at night. At least, I think that’s what she did. It’s the only thing that explains the endless parade of old men in suits who would come pick her up at night.
Once, when I was about 8, we didn’t have enough money to pay the electric bill. The guy from the electric company came to the house and told mom that he was going to have to cut off the lights. I was sitting on the stairs when he said it (trying to catch a glance down mom’s blouse, ‘cause she had a great rack), so I clearly remember the big argument they had. Mom was crying and saying, “What can I do to change your mind? What can I do to change your mind?” I knew right then and there that it was up to ME to make him not turn our power off.
I went into my room and knelt on the floor, just like I saw David Carradine n do on Kung Fu, and I closed my eyes and I pushed outward with the force that I always knew was inside of me but had never used. I was new at all this Ki stuff, diary, so I don’t mind telling you that I dropped major ass while I was pushing – and the burritos mom made for dinner didn’t help matters. So after I opened the window and used my pillow to waft most of the stench out, I knelt again and pushed outward with my Ki.
I couldn’t feel auras at that young age, diary, but I could hear them. They had come upstairs and gone into mom’s bedroom to continue the argument. I focused on using my inner power, which I now know as Ki, to force the man from the electric company to change his mind, to keep our power on until mom got the money to pay the bill. It was winter, diary, and I didn’t want to freeze (although I’d noticed that mom’s nipples kinda stick out when it was cold, so I didn’t mind if it was a little chilly), so I focused all my energy on manipulating someone else’s Ki for the first time.
It was tough. My first ever experience using Ki against a full grown adult was more difficult than I thought. I could hear the guy fighting against my Ki powers, groaning and grunting in mom’s bedroom as he struggled against my newfound powers. He fought valiantly for a few minutes, but he couldn’t stand against me for long. I heard him give in with a roar and then…silence, broken only by the sound of his panting. Needless to say, the light stayed on THAT night.
But that wasn’t the only night, diary. Oh, no. For the next seven nights he returned, each time threatening to turn off the light unless mom gave him some sugar. I’m not sure if he had a sweet tooth or if the sugar translated into ADT in his mitochondria, because in the next week of using my Ki to struggle with him, he was able to fight longer and harder. I always won, though, diary, and I always went to my door to watch him stumble down the stairs, sweaty and exhausted in his defeat.
So, diary, every year I commemorate those 8 days that saw the awakening of my Ki by lighting candles. One to represent my Ki and one for every day that I kept our lights on. I’ve recently noticed a number of other people put little electric candles in their windows around winter time and talk about someone named Han Ukah – maybe that was the man from the electric company. I never did get his name. Anyway, it is very gratifying to me as a 6th dan of Combat Tukong that so many people know and appreciate my history.
The other thing I wanted to include in the memoir, diary, is more information about the fundamental concepts behind combat tukong. See, there are 18 advanced distances in every fight that are further broken down into 6 basic distances. Tukong is the only martial arts that believes in different distances for fighting. A lot of ‘sport’ oriented schools might try to teach you that a fight can easily transition between one range and another, but we know that isn’t the case. Fights, as evidenced by our 19 part introductory one-step, usually move very predictably from one range to another. So, to lay out the ranges for you, we have:
1. Pretty Fucking Far – At this distance, it is best to use the internet as a weapon
2. Really Far Away –The best distance at which to snipe your attacker
3. Far Away Distance – The attacker is so far away that you have time to pull out, find, or make a weapon to use against them
4. Kicking Distance – You are close enough to kick something at your attacker
5. Punch Distance – The distance you have to be from the punch bowl to effectively scoop drinks into plastic or paper cups
5. Joint Distance – The amount of space needed to pass a joint to someone sitting close to you
6. Zero Distance – This is like when you hug your girlfriend
7. Negative Distance – This is like when you hug your girlfriend and put a finger in her ass
Diary, you and I both know that all martial arts are valid and can offer certain things and this is an excellent example. Some martial arts are better at covering different ranges. For instance, Tae Kwon Do and Karate are very good at 4, 5, but can offer little else. Ninjitsu is really good at 1, 2, and 3, while that and Kendo are excellent at 5 and…oh, ****. I wrote 5 twice. Oh, well, you get the point. Anyway, judo and aikido are good for little else than 5 (the second one) and 6, while jujitsu is great at 6 and 7 (especially when you’re trying to penetrate your girlfri…I mean, your opponent’s defenses) but it is easily defeated by other styles. Capoeira is okay at 2, 4, and 6, while XMA is great and 1, 3, 5. Belly dancing is pretty good for training 4 and 5 (either one of them), because the core muscles also help with 6, 3, 2, 6, 1, and 8. ****, there is no 8. Agh, you know what I mean!!
Only Combat Tukong is as effective and the other styles aren’t with the numbers that they can’t never be any good at not doing.
Oh, **** – that was a horrible write up. Dammit…alright, diary, let me try again:
Originally Posted by Interview
Many have asked me what makes TKMS so effective as a complete martial arts education. Tukong Moosul's foundation in what we call the "Distance Theory". This theory states that every combat situation, either on the street or in actual warfare, will cover one or all of the 6 basic distances.
1. Far away distance - you are so far away you must use weapons to reach your opponent 2. Kick distance - you are close enough to use foot techniques 3. Punch distance - you are too close to kick but far enough for hand strikes 4. Joint distance - You are too close for punches so use elbows, knees, head, and grappling 5. Zero distance - your body is touching so you use throws and wrestling 6. Negative distance - you are on the ground fighting and use wrestling and grappling
Some styles cover some of these distances well. Like Tae Kwon Do and Karate do very well at 2 & 3 but have very little for anything else. Ninjitsu and Kendo are very good at 1. They are ineffective really at 5 & 6. Kickboxing and Thai Boxing are very good at 2, 3, & 4 but do nothing with 1 & 6. Hapkido, Judo, Akido are good for little else than 4 & 5. Jujitsu is great at 5 & 6 but have been defeated by using other distances and do not have anything for 1 & 2. None covers all the distances as well except Tukong Moosul.
I think that hit it exactly, diary! And that last sentence was almost literate this time!
Well, I have to go put some more lotion on Little Jiggy, ‘cause thinking about mama’s nipples woke him up and that rash isn’t all the way gone yet so it itches like a sonovabitch. I’ll write in you later, k, diary?
- Jiggy Himmins. I’d probably do it again.
P.S. - Oh, much better signature, don’t you think, diary? Well, except for ordering that stuff to put some more tukong in little Jiggy. Or try to publish my book with Dam Lai. Or trying sucking myself off again (who knew it would burn my eye that badly, let alone how I almost threw out my back?)…actually, that signature sucks.
"Reason is a choice. Wishes and whims are not facts, nor are they a means to discovering them. Reason is our only way to grasping reality -- it's our basic tool of survival. We are free to evade the effort of thinking, to reject reason, but we are not free to avoid the penalty of the abyss we refuse to see."
- Terry Goodkind, "Faith of the Fallen"
Posted On:1/03/2007 4:18pm
Brilliant. A little creepy, but still.
Posted On:1/08/2007 3:29pm
Sorry for the delay...new entry tomorrow or Wednesday
Posted On:1/12/2007 10:17am
So what's old Jiggy up to these days?
Posted On:1/12/2007 10:42am
I'm going to try to find time for a new entry - the slow season is definitely over, so bear with me...
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